*Positive Provocations*

~Healing with Positivity, Love & Happiness!~

Who is YOUR Best friend?

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Todays fast paced world leaves all of us wanting more. By the time your day ends, you are exhausted and crave a certain familiar warmth. If only to just sit and watch TV with or have dinner with. Failing to have this, there are many who have gone into a state of self prescribed depression. A state of loneliness.

Now who really likes to be lonely?

Loneliness is very very over rated. The need for companionship is a good thing. It makes you only human. But, what if you are alone? Will you stop living as a result of it?

You cant do that! You have to live and live very well at that too! With constant reminders or feelings of loneliness, your productivity and your sanity both go for a toss.

So what is the alternative?

Think of your life from birth. The very first time a baby comes into this world. This little baby has come into this world alone. When your life ends it will end alone. Your life is not gonna end with another group who are gonna come with you to keep you company at that journey. This journey from the birth to death to the afterlife…you have to go at it alone. Just you! Only You!

Why not make YOU your own best friend?

What are the things you do with best friends?? Go for movies, share funny stories, go for outings, excursions etc. Do all these things with yourself. Just learn to be with yourself. Slowly the loneliness goes away and is replaced with Peace! Yes, peace of mind, peace of heart and total control of your SELF.

At a time when you’re totally at peace with yourself….If you do meet someone and decide to have a relationship, that relationship will be more fruitful and enriching. Why? Because youre no more needy. Youre no more imbalanced. You’re no more unhappy. On the contrary, You have found your SELF!

At this point sharing your life with someone means to let that person grow too. You live your lives with a certain calm, where you help each other grow as individuals. You let each other BE exactly who you are without the temptation to change each other.

But first and foremost, Learn to live with yourself.

Make peace with the skeletons in your closet and the scars on your heart. Let them be. Take a lesson from each skeleton, each scar and apply those lessons in your daily life.

Being your own best friend can be the most enriching experience in the world. I know, cause I did the exact same thing when I went through a very bad and painful separation in the far past. At the time, I didn’t know how to be by myself. I had somehow lost my identity in the crowded relationship I was in. Slowly but steadily I attempted to be by myself. Found myself. Then when I met the love of my life, I knew I was loved for who I was, not for who someone  wanted me to be.

The amazing thing about being your own best friend and finding yourself is that you never ever feel lonely and you almost always know what you want. You dont need to second guess yourself ever again.

Its a process. An awesome process!

What about you? Are you your own best friend or are you still looking for YOURSELF?

with love Zeenat

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Author: Zeenat Merchant Syal

Counseling Psychologist/ Spiritual Counselor/Motivational Speaker/Naturopath/Holistic Healer/Writer

66 thoughts on “Who is YOUR Best friend?

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  3. I’m 100% with you on this one Zee! I wrote a post a while back called going it alone and my sentiments were exactly the same. I do lots of stuff alone, go to the movies, go for drives, i took up badminton and salsa by myself and the amount of friends I’ve made has been incredible.

    • Hi Amit,
      Its so nice to see that youre so happy with your best friend ..YOU :)
      Somehow till we cant enjoy our own company..how on earth will someone else ;)
      Its amazing when we are open somehow the universe sends us the right connections…:) Glad to have connected with you …

      • Really I am so happy to me some like you I feel alone and I need best friend how it possible to get I was long time patient of it how to get but still feel alone ………..thanks sister for your advice………..Samra

  4. Great help, loneliness is just around the corner and you will say:Alone again…naturally..

  5. Yes! Perfectly written, Z!

    This is what so many people fail to understand. They look for someone else to fix them, to make them whole, to complete them, when in reality, you have to be complete and whole before you can have a healthy and fulfilling relationship.

    People often make the mistake of believing that relationships should be 50%-50%. However, in an ideal relationship, both partners give 100%. If you don’t have 100% to start with, how can you give 100%?

    • Hi Jay,
      Youre spot on…we do need to be a 100% in order to offer a 100% in our relationships too…many are still living in the false state of 50 50….and thats exactly where most marriages / relationships fail. They only feel the need to meet half way..not all the way! You know i have seen so many couples who come in for counseling for this exact same reason….and its not only couples but friends relatives..this affects every relationship you have or will ever have. I just hope people truly understand the need to be their own best friend means so many of their relationship problems just literally vanishing…
      Thank you so much for your awesome thoughts on this. Love them! :)

    • So very true. What a great post. And you know no one can fill that void that might be in yourself. A problem here in the west is that men and woman often turn to each other in casual relationships trying to make another person fill the emptiness in their lives. It’s not until you are happy with yourself and enjoy your life on your own that you can enjoy it with a partner. I was very happy with my life when I decided to add my beautiful and lovely wife to my life.

      • Hi Mike,
        Youre so so right! Casual relationships are a sort of escape from reality…they try so hard to fill that void with these meaningless flings..but end up being hurt in the bargain.
        I am happy to read that your found yourself before you found your loving wife.Yay You!
        Thank you for stopping by and sharing your thoughts on this :)

  6. I’m sending this post on to my adult daughter. She is in desparate need of friending herself. I know first-hand the benefits of being my own best friend. It’s what makes me shiny. Thank you for sharing this and spreading the Light.

    • HI Jill,
      Well, hearing that you’re your best friend makes me feel good and happy for you :) But, yes it takes time to get to that stage…and hopefully this post will help your daughter. A few nudges from a loving mom like you ..and your daughter will thank you forever!
      Thank you fro your awesome comment :)

  7. This is so true – and beautiful! Great work, Z!

    Hugs,
    Michele

  8. Dearest Z, This is sooooo beautiful in every way. It’s amazing timing as it’s something I was just talking about to my husband last night. About loving ourselves and being our own best friend. It is sad when any of us believe that we don’t deserve to be kind and loving to ourselves. When that happens we allow others to dump all over us because we actually believe that we deserve to be treated poorly.

    I am a great believer in forgiveness and not only for others but for ourselves. Sometimes people feel that they don’t deserve to be loved or love themselves because of ways they lived when they were younger, or mistakes they’ve made in their life. I feel everyone has the right to start fresh, learn from their mistakes, move on and grow…become the person they were really born to be…the person they really are.

    See? This is what I just adore about you. I come here and you are soooooooooooo compassionate. You are one who TRULY lives their love. Thank you dear sweet friend for “seeing” and for caring and loving so openly, freely and deeply. It’s who you are. I love you, Z. Robin

    • Dearest Robin,
      Youre just my loving soul sister isnt it…its uncanny how alike we think :)
      My take on forgiveness is exactly the same as yours. I love how we are given these beautiful chance in life to start fresh by putting the past at peace. The awareness and want to live a better life for our own self is all we need.
      Thank you for always coming here and brightening my little peace of heaven on the web :) Just know your every word touches my heart completely!
      Love you too..so much :)

  9. Dear Zeenat, I have been alone for number of years due to death of a significant someone and that did not stop me of living a fruitful life. I can relate to your blog about being happy in any life situation…I am not desperate or do not miss anything in life. Things like empty nest syndrome, when kids left home, that were somehow hard to accept. Still that was part of life journey was that kids will eventually grow and go. Just as you said,” learn to love yourself “I did that and learned to be self-sufficient too. Life has many meanings and it is enjoyable when we know where to direct our time and energy to enjoy every moment-Thank you for the thought provoking article! Love, Zuzanna

    • Hi Zuzanna,
      I am so glad you have become your own best friend. Life does throw some difficult situations your way..and we learn to face them and live with them…but when we do it with our own self its a different experience all together.
      Your energy is going in the perfect direction my friend! Keep going…
      Much Love~

  10. I love my alone time. Being with me is ok with me. There’s a lot less pressure and I’m happiest alone. Decided I kind of suck at relationships and I’ve come to terms with that.

    George

    • Hi George,
      On the contrary…i think youll be great at a relationship for this precise reason….You love your alone time with yourself…and you and your partner will benefit form this happiness in the future too…mark my words…;)
      Now go out there and date…;)

  11. Hi Zeenat,

    I like what you said about making peace with the skeletons in your closet. They don’t necessarily have to be exposed to the world, but you yourself have to make peace with them and learn to love who you are, scars and all. Once I made peace with some of those skeletons, I learned I could be my own best friend and that I was not alone.

    Laura

    • Hi Laura,
      Its amazing how just making peace with our past can bring us so much clarity! The clarity of self awareness..is a precious gift.
      Thank you fro your lovely comment :)

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  13. Zeenat,
    Loving ourselves…if we can’t do that, how can we really authentically go out in the world? We are who we are…the good and the “not so good”. And that is us, today. How easy it can be to not fully see this person, this true “me”. I think it takes time going within – to really come to accept ourselves, love ourselves, and then be ourselves. When we do, though, it’s a beautiful “me”. And what a great place of being…

    • Oh Lance, your thoughts are always such a joy to read. Yes, this person we find ME is indeed beautiful once all the layers of negativity and commotion come off…
      That authentic self is perfect!…

  14. Hi Zeenat,

    I totally agree! Oscar Wilde said that the best love affair in life is when we fall in love with ourselves. I learned that one a long time ago. If we cannot love ourselves, no one else can love us. So it is very important that we are our own best friend. :)

    Hope all is awesome! :)

    • Hi Nadia,
      I read that quote to by Oscar Wilde….isnt this love affair with ourself just amazing…
      No loneliness no commotion..just a simple peace that comes with Being our own best friend.

  15. So true, Zeenat!! if we are not in love with ourselves there will be a general disconnect in all we do. We must be sweet and kind to ourselves, give ourselves hugs, both figuratively and literally.

    I am reminded again of the wonderful Rumi quote, “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it,” It that a “Wow” or what?? And it goes for loving ourselves too.

    I love your idea in this about letting each other be without trying to change each other. That is a wealth of wisdom in just a few words!

    xo

    • Hi Jannie,
      I love Rumi…my hubby and i often have long discussions on his writing…and that quote is just wow! Those barriers are what make becoming our own best friend harder…do away with those barriers and you have found your best friend…:)
      Glad you liked this :)

  16. I’m stumbling this for sure! :-) Well shared and a positive message. Most of the time we forgot how to love ourselves or treat ourselves with respect. We are, in fact, the people that spend the most time with ourselves, right? I must confess in past year, I haven’t been really kind to myself. As time progressed, I learned my lessons. When it’s important to care for others’ feelings, we shouldn’t neglect our own needs as well. Be our own best friend so we can be others’ best friends too. :) Always start from the inside.

    Brilliant writing, Zeenat!

    @wchingya
    Social/Blogging Tracker

    • Hi Ching Ya,you know somehow whenever I see your face and your name i just feel great!!! Youre like this little angel hmm…
      Thank you fro stumbling this and am so so glad you liked this :)
      Youre very right..it all starts from inside..adn our own best friend knows that too ;)
      Much love~

  17. Zeenat — This was a very well sewn post. You took the cloth of loneliness and combined it with the cloth of friendship and created something beautiful:~)

    The idea of being your own best friend and learning to live with yourself is so important! It is hard to be lonely when you are comfortable and content with who you are.

    For me, this is still a work in progress, but I AM making progress. This was such a positive message and I thank you for it:~)

    • HI Sara,
      So glad you are making progress in this. Its process my dear. Take your time..and if you need any help just drop me an email :)
      Thank you for sharing your thoughts here Sara and am glad you liked this post :)

  18. Hi Z! Sage advice from a loving heart! I grew up an only child, rurally too, and I remember crying about being lonely. My dad pounded me with “You can only be lonely if you don’t like who you are with!” It took me awhile to GET that – I was a kid after all. But I think by age 8 or 9, I found I could amuse myself, create things, talk to the animals on the farm (they seemed so appreciative of the attention) and I tried to learn things – sewing, crafts, etc. I became totally self-sufficient and ok being alone. That never changed. I’ll often go up to our lake house alone for a month or two at a time. My friends are always asking me if I get lonely up there – they say they would – but it is simply solitude and I see no lack or loneliness. I sure am my best friend!

    Now I don’t know to this day if my dad was quoting somebody famous or not, but I really believe if you are lonely and that’s all you see, loneliness, there are things you don’t like about yourself. Who in the world is most worthy of your love? You are!!!

    Great post, Z – and the comments are wonderful too!
    Hugs
    suZen

    • Dear Suzen,
      Oh My now thats an awesome comment! Your comments are always full fo such wisdom! I lvoe them so so much. One day i am going to make a post full of only gorgeous comments form Suzen :)
      And who better for me to learn from that a wise woman such as yourself.
      Thank you for sharing your loving thoughts here :)
      Love and Hugs~

  19. Nice article Zeenat. It is good to know that there are others like me who “enjoy” loneliness. I guess there is nothing wrong with me then :)

    • Hi Hari, :) Your comment made me smile…..
      We arent lonely by choice..we are Happy by choice ;) We enjoy our own company and enjoy life…nothing wrong with that right!..
      Thank you fro your sweet comment :)

  20. Beautiful post. I am going through alot of this right now and blog on it at times…I am definitely not my best friend…most days I am not a friend to myself at all – extremely judgmental and harsh…even now I am mad and regret the large meal I ate – although mostly healthy – still …obviously I have alot of work to do on myself.

    I really appreciated this post and am glad I found your site (from Averies’)…I will definitely be coming back …to work on myself.

    Namaste.

    • Hi Eatmovelove!
      You know the fact that youre aware about the voids in your life says a lot…it say that youre already well on the way to finding YOU! It might take time…but youre going in the right direction. Many people can live their whole life in denial and try to fill those voids with food drugs unhealthy relationships etc. I am glad youre atleast acknowledging your problems… :)
      If you need any personal help or guidance you know you can email me anytime. I would love to help you out.
      Stay on this journey…..
      Much love….:)

  21. Hi Zeenat. Very awesome post. I like this article because it reminds me of having a good relationship with ourselves. I used to identify myself by the what other people thought of me. If they didn’t like me, then I didn’t like myself. If they liked me, then I thought I was a good person. I loss my identity as you did with yours. Thanks for reminding us that nobody is going to be there in the end but you.

    • Hi Hulbert,
      Youre not the only one who went through that “what others think of me phase”…we have all been there…and some of us a re still in that phase right now!
      The most important first and foremost is what you think of yourself. If youre happy with your self..and have become your best freind..then noone in the world can get you down :)
      All power to you my friend :)
      Thank you for sharing your awesome thoughts here :)

  22. Hi

    Your idea is definitely positively provocative! I agree that once you make peace with yourself, warts and all, life would become less stressfull.

    • Hi Salaamreaders!.
      I like how you say “warts and all” ;) very cute and true..
      Once that peace has been made with our imperfections…life certainly becomes more beautiful and far less stressful.
      Glad you liked this post..and thank you for your lovely comment :)

  23. Lovely thoughts especially the one about making peace with your skeletons.

    • HI Sowmya,
      Arent our closet skeletons the best ;) We can learn so much from them…and making friends with them proves to be so so fruitful! Who knew skeletons could have that effect :)
      Thank you for your lovely thoughts on this :)

  24. Hi, Zeenat!

    This is such great advice, and looking back at my life I can see when I wasn’t best friends with myself, and how painful it was to be alone. The tricky part was, in that situation, I couldn’t be told to adjust to the loneliness and make friends with myself. I really resisted the notion, and it made me feel angry. But once I went beyond that point and accepted it in my heart (and recognized that we’re never truly alone if we don’t want to be — there are people all over the world in realms seen and unseen who love us), something shifted. I began to enjoy my own company more, and the next thing I knew, I was attracting really good & healthy relationships into my life again! I had more friends than I could count and the love of my life showed up (and he ended up being a really independent man who liked his space as much as he liked being with me).

    Thank you for sharing this loving article with everyone, and I pray it reaches the hearts of those who need it most.

    • HI My Joyful Angel,
      Independent men are the Best! They give so much and dont really expect too much out of you ;) I’m blessed in that department too :)
      You know independence is a kind of serenely balanced state to be in….if we have befriended our-self.
      I am so glad you liked this article ….
      Much Love to you :)

  25. Great post Zeenat…it has taken me most of my life (so far) but I can honestly say that I really like ME and we (ME, MYSELF and I) are dear dear friends. Such a relief to know we have each other no matter what!!!

    • Hi Laura,
      You yourself and You are the BEST!
      Isnt it a relief that we don’t worry about the loneliness factor…So happy for you :)

  26. I dont know if it will really work out with me…i will go cranky!!

    Seriously the peace is of no use if you cant share it!!

    • Hey ROhit,
      Thats true….but that also means you dont like your own company when the need arises!! It awesome to have someone to share the joy with for sure….but if you cant be happy and joyous with yourself…how will you actually give happiness and joy and share that happiness and joy with someone else??

  27. Beautiful positive post. I love your words of encouragement. This can be a time of the year for reflection for many people. Anyone who reads what you share here with the world will find hope and strength in your message. A thousand thanks Z.

  28. Nice and sweet Z and like you say we all have to learn to love and make peace with ourselves . it’s all about being comfortable with ourselves which is an awesome feeling . I remember mother saying to me then there are a thousand and one things a person go do when on their own. A time to explore, feel comfortable with self, a time to mediate, pray you know what the list could go on ..the problem however these days is we have a lot of machinery around to like this laptop to keep us busy or distracted but I have learnt to turn everything off every now and then to enjoy.

  29. Nice post.. first time here… Great blog you have. Look forward to be more frequent here :)

  30. First your beautiful post — I read the title and answered it with “I am my own best friend” — then I see you writing about the joy of it that I already know (being alone does not equal being lonely). Then I read the comments and am floored with how many people already know the value of their own friendship!

    As much as I truly, truly enjoy the company of good friends and family, I crave my alone time. This is when I get very grounded, centered, refueled, and reconnected; then am so much better able to live harmoniously with all of life.

    I just love coming here! Thanks :)

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  32. I missed this post initially, but the current post links back to it. This is really nice, and so true – thanks for reminding us of this! The comment thread is very good, too, and I had never heard that Rumi quote, which is thought-provoking to say the least.

    • Glad you liked this John. The comments are from such amazing people…each comment is full of wisdom :)
      As for Rumi…go ahead and read him….you’ll instantly understand why I love his work so much :)

  33. I spend most of my life alone, and you’re right, its overrated! Some people preach the virtues of being with yourself, etc, but I need to lean towards the opposite. My isolation is definitely not healthy – for me. At least I’m no longer in denial. ;)

  34. Hey Zeenat!
    This is very beautiful and interesting blog you have posted.I am completely with you on this argument that who really is my best friend? In this 21′st century, you will find more selfish, jealous, and dishonest people. Here is perfect example of my personal experience. I am going to school for my bachelor’s degree and most of friends or classmates I have met at college call me for help on assignments and projects. At this stage, I leave whatever i am doing and I make their priority my own. I help them out as much as I can; however, when I call someone for help, they make excuses or most of them do n’t even return my phone calls. So, you can tell nobody got my back besides myself.In my opinion this is today’s probability that 9 out of 10 people are scums and only 1 person will stand my you during difficult times. I think we only need 1 best friend and It is very hard to find trustworthy friend in your live.
    Overall, your blog is very interesting and hope you will post stuff related to this issue in future. After reading this blog I have become your fan and need autograph from you real bad:)

  35. You have totally help me open my eyes…. I’m in a state of totally depression. I’m feelin as if i’m even to scared to find my self… But we the courage you’ve given, i’m going to find myself,love myself, and believe in myself once again..
    I’ve felt too dependent on my friends… I’m feel really bad, but Zee thanks alot.. I’ll try and keep you posted on how my trip to finding myself will be… You’re a life saver

    • Hi Daniella,
      I’m so happy to see you here and also that the articles here are starting to help you heal.
      May you find yourself and immense happiness too! Do kEep me posted and email me if you need any more help.
      So much love~

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