“True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.” ~Erich Segal
Sometime back when I wrote about How to Positively handle a break up, my inbox was suddenly full of emails seeking relationship advice. While each and every email was different and each and every situation unique, there was one thing that was common in all….COMPLICATION!
We all know relationships come with their share of ups and downs. We have all been through these. Some have come out victorious, while some haven’t been able to wrap their head around what exactly went wrong. Somehow, we all think we need to work hard at making a relationship work. While in reality that is absolutely NOT the case.
Dont look so puzzled…Its true!
True love=An awesome relationship.
So, how do we know its true love? What’s the measuring scale for this awesome relationship we DONT have to work hard at?
We live with the misconception about what true love is. We have been fed this magical fairly tale like feeling when we were kids with all the fairy tales and the tall, dark and handsome or the tall, fair and beautiful cliches! Its the way story books and the media are…but then, we forget they are just stories. Meant to amuse and entertain.
When in reality Love is far more beautiful than any fairly tale or any romantic story. Its a selfless feeling. A feeling towards another…irrespective of reciprocation. If we can only remove the dark glasses of what we Think what love should look like and just feel it for once….all the complications would just melt away.
Although there are times when people who are madly in love also part…its not the love thats at fault..its the situation or circumstance. Love is not going anywhere. Its right there in your heart…feel it!Each of us is full of immense love irrespective of our situation or circumstance! We just need to feel it enough and share it enough to let all our relationships blossom in its beauty.
So, since this is Valentines Week and Love is certainly in the air…I thought of giving you a little list of differences to clear atleast a few complications.
The difference between True Love and Infatuation.
We all need to know this in order to know what part of our loving relationships we need to work on….and Are you truly in love or madly infatuated??
“Infatuation is when you think he’s as sexy as Robert Redford, as smart as Henry Kissinger, as noble as Ralph Nader, as funny as Woody Allen, and as athletic as Jimmy Conners. Love is when you realize that he’s as sexy as Woody Allen, as smart as Jimmy Connors, as funny as Ralph Nader, as athletic as Henry Kissinger and nothing like Robert Redford – but you’ll take him anyway.” ~Judith Viorst, Redbook, 1975
You are In Infatuation when:
- You see the other person as perfect
- You want to get own needs met; selfish
- You spend all your time with the other person
- You can Quickly “fall” for the other person
- All your Other relationships and friendships deteriorate
- You are solely Dependant (emotionally) on the other person
- You experience Jealousy frequently
- Your relationship lasts for a short period of time
- Distance strains and often puts an end to the relationship
- Your Quarrels are serious and common
- Your Quarrels can seriously damage the relationship
You are Truly in Love when:
- You see the other person’s flaws and still loves them
- You Want to think of your partner first before yourself; selfless
- You still spend time with others-(your partner accepts YOUR personality and YOU)
- You Take the time to build the relationship
- Other relationships and friendships grow stronger
- Trust and understanding results in less severe, less frequent or NO jealousy
- You can encompass a long-term commitment
- Your relationship survives and is strengthened because of distance
- Your Quarrels are less serious and less often
- Your infrequent Quarrels strengthen the relationship
Temptation is the second name of infatuation and its so easy to fall for temptation. But the question is, do you want a lasting, satisfying relationship? If so, infatuation isn’t the answer. Look at your relationships through the differences above. A relationship cannot be based on infatuation.
Perhaps, True and Real Love begins with first finding yourself! Cause only if you’re happy with your self will you be able to embrace the other person just as he/she is. And surprisingly you WILL find true love more easily(naturally). You wont need to rack your brain as to why a certain relationship went wrong.
If its meant to be it will be! Without fuss, without hassels, without drama…it WILL happen and you will make your happily ever after….even better than the fairly tales….
You just need to know the difference….
Now its your turn…What do YOU think? Do you have any other definitions of true love that you would like to add to this, or any other differences? Please share your thoughts in the comments :)
With Immense Love & Gratitude,
Counseling Psychologist/ Spiritual Counselor
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