“All humanity is one undivided and indivisible family, and each one of us is responsible for the misdeeds of all the others. I cannot detach myself from the wickedest soul.” ~Gandhi~
Life up untill now has had its ups and downs. Infact everyday has its ups and downs. When I was a teenager I dealt with the downs in a not-so-pretty way. There would be tantrums and blame games. ‘He did it’ or ‘she did it’ or its ‘because of him’ or its ‘because of her’….somehow it was always about me, but never because of me. Ironical, I know…I just realized that.
Growing up, noone ever told me that I could do something to change the downs into Ups. Noone gave me that option. I had to figure it out all by myself..and sometimes not so happily. Life doesn’t come with an instruction manual right!
In this not-so-happy condition, there were times I was violated physically and emotionally, taken advantage of, bullied, treated like crap…..and all this while I kept blaming ‘him’ or ‘her’ or ‘them’.
Do you think ‘they’ were to blame for all that I went through???
Do you think ‘their actions’ were to blame for all I went through???
This has been the dilemma for me for far too long and I truly need to put it to rest now. For this I NEED Your help. I need you to tell me what you think.
Here is my logic/thought process:
I went into learning psychology, healing, understanding the human mind, heart and soul….cause I was looking for answers to many many questions but mostly, cause I wanted to help people like me(the victims) heal. In the process, I became more spiritually inclined and received answers very simply.
I learned that Detachment was the best way to live a truly spiritually fulfilling life. I do agree. Detachment from all things material is the best way to truly tap that spiritual you. But, detachment from all things ‘living’ isnt the way for me just as yet.
Example- Many years back, after a very traumatic phase of my life, I was asked “Do you hate him for doing this to you?”…To which I instantly replied “no”…again I was asked “but how can that be? Even after what he did to you..??”…I still said “no”. It didn’t phase me. It wasnt that what I went through was anything small, or even forgivable to some…but it was more like I DIDNT Blame him. Why you may ask…
My reason, is that I didnt blame him, more his actions. I didnt blame him, more his conditioning.
“Love the sinner and hate the sin.”~ Gandhi~
All crimes, acts of violence, torture, abuse happen not because its any fault of the victim or the perpetrator (the one committing it). Its the fault of his/her thoughts and conditioning, some past event that triggered this negative spiral. Hence I can’t feel hate or malice or anything negative for the perpetrator, cause its really not his/her fault. I have come to understand that Love is a mighty healer. I feel that if I can feel for that person, from a place of Love then maybe he/she stands a fighting chance to change back to their true beautiful self. No soul is born evil or wicked. Its the circumstances that each soul goes through that conditions them to React in a certain way. How then can I feel hate for the perpetrator?
Today I want to heal not just the victim, but also the perpetrator. I feel love is the answer and hence I really cannot detatch myself….detatch myself from the souls who truly need a helping hand.
I wonder sometimes, what turn history might’ve taken if Hitler was treated and helped with love? What if every perpetrator was treated and helped with loving care, before he ever felt the need to react and lash out? Why do we instantly look at a bully or perpetrator or criminal and think of him/her as a lost cause? Like I said, noone is born bad.
Yes, I went through a lot as the victim..I did…as do many others. But, again I ask, is it the act or the person we should blame?
Even today when I discuss this issue with close friends or colleagues, they fail to understand my logic. I think its easier to think of someone as a lost cause, and far more difficult to work on them from a place of love.
What do YOU think? If you are a reader of this blog and have never ever commented, this is your chance to tell me what you think. I DO really need your thoughts on this dilemma. Am I wrong to think the way I think? Am I just being unrealistic, as some have told me? Do YOU think LOVE can be the answer-to truly stop and reduce “the victims” and “the perpetrators”? Should I really work on Detaching myself from this way of thinking…?? Speak Up in the comments of this article. I want to know what YOU think.
Special Note-Its taken a lot of courage and nerves on my end to publish this article. Please forgive me if I have hurt anyones sentiments. That is Not my intention at all.
With Immense Love & Gratitude,
Counseling Psychologist/Spiritual Counselor