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How to Be Non-Judgmental of Yourself and Others

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“Look at the weaknesses of others with compassion, not accusation. It’s not what they’re not doing or should be doing that’s the issue. The issue is your own chosen response to the situation and what you should be doing. If you start to think the problem is “out there,” stop yourself. That thought is the problem.”~ Stephen Covey

As time keeps changing and our vibrations are moving into higher realms and seeing thinner veils, we become more enlightened – more aware of who we really are and becoming fully conscious that we are all connected. We are one ~ we are perfect.

About Judging Ourself:

We are bombarded through television and other media of what “perfect” is – it is constantly present, on television shows, commercials, advertisements, etc. all expressing an ego based side that is very contrasting to our higher-aware selves. These images can cause feelings of imperfection and a lack of oneness.

We begin to judge ourselves against these images and judge others as well. We forget in a moment our higher selves, our perfect selves, and our oneness. Being exposed to the lower vibrations of television, celebrity magazines or other forms of media can wreak havoc on our self esteem. The criticism and judgment passed onto is sad and unjust.

Many so-called “reality shows” and cosmetic surgery shows and now even home improvement shows only express superficial elements of what is considered beautiful, loveable or desirable. These types of programs can make us judge ourselves and others, enabling us to forget – even if it’s briefly, that we are perfect, in every way.

We cant completely avoid the media but when we can avoid letting the media and imagery of perceived perfection get to us. By tuning into our higher self and living a heart conscious life we can easily see our perfection on every level. We accept ourselves and others without judgment – we see The Divinity in everyone and ourselves. Pure love.

Let’s not allow others to change how we feel about ourself; we are powerful, strong and beautiful. We are perfect and one with God. Judgments of others are not your reality unless you make them so. Judgments to yourself are not your reality unless you make them so.

Loose sight of numbers on scales and clothes and anything which conveys a perceived image of acceptable – and simply accept you as you are, perfect and divine. Listen to how you feel…feel good…feel happy…feel bliss…feel love…As God is perfect, so are you.

Here are some affirmations to use if you wish to incorporate them. Use them to replace any negative or judgmental self talk:

I AM Love
I AM Perfect
I AM Beautiful
I AM the Creator of my world
I AM the Peace I seek
I love ME
I Send Joy to my Body
My Body Heals me
I Care about Me
I Love Life
I AM One with God

About Judging Others:

“Be curious, not judgmental.” – Walt Whitman

In the past 10 years or so, I have worked and counselled many souls who have been on the receiving end of societal judgment. ‘Why did you stay with him? Why didn’t you leave? Why were you out so late? Why didn’t you wear something more conservative?’ are some of the questions these souls would hear again and again…and these have left very deep scars in their hearts, which take time to heal. We pass judgments and form opinions not realizing how it affects the opposite person. We don’t even bother to get to know these people…yet we can’t keep a handle on that muscle inside our mouth. That tongue is like a whip lash on the heart if left untamed. And this very tongue has the power to inspire and empower with love if we live heart centered lives.

Why do we judge others? Isnt it really the easy way out? We much rather judge others than look at our own issues. Its the perfect cover. It makes us feel superior, like as if we were better than them and that temporarily makes us feel good.  Least do we realize, we are only dwelling deeper into the abyss of negativity with this action.

Do you think you are not judgmental? Believe me, there are times I am a bit judgmental too. We all live with preconcieved notions of whats right and wrong, and the minute someone or something doesn’t fit our bill of perfection we become judgmental.

Here are some ways you can use to squash that judgmental bug and let the non-judgmental loving you shine(my personal ways of being non-judgmental):

  • Awareness- Become aware of your thought patterns. This might seem hard to do at first, but once you get used to catching your thoughts in ‘judgmental mode’ you can simply stop them. How? The next way will help you ….
  • Understanding- Develop an understanding of the other person by thinking about why this person acts, talks, dresses or just is a certain way. Try to put yourself in this person’s shoes and wonder why this behavior has emerged. If you want further understanding, you can strike a polite(I emphasize polite) conversation with this person and get to know them. Knowing them, makes you further understand them.
  • Acceptance- Once an understanding has been created in your mind of this person, acceptance of this person just as he/she is becomes easier. Accept that this is the way he/she will react, cause its the way they are made up. There will most certainly always be things you dont agree with, but that doesn’t mean you cant accept their presence in the world. When you accept, frustration that lead to judgment take an automatic backseat.
  • Love Love Love-Ok so, now you might wonder, whats love got to do with it? I say everything! When you have reached a point of acceptance of things around you a certain calm comes over your complete being. In this calm Love is ever prevalent. It becomes inevitable to love the person you so freely wanted to judge. Atleast try to love him/her…as a fellow human being, as a brother or sister…and realize that you need to give love to this person no matter what he sounds like, looks like, acts like …just love. You might be loving to only a certain degree, and thats ok. The positive effect of this love is not only on the opposite person but on you as well. You become happier when you give love…believe me. I’ve tried and tested this far too many times. Life changing is an understatement for the effects of love.And really who ever became happy by being judgmental?

What are your thoughts on this topic? Have you successfully become non-judgmental towards yourself and others? What are the preconceived notions you carry within you that make you react in a judgmental way? Do you have any personal tips to share about how we all can become more loving and less judgmental? Please do share your thoughts, comments and questions in the comments section below. I’d love to hear from you.

“Special Mention: Illuminations from the Heart is a weekly subscription letter by Sandra Pawula of Always Well Within. Its beautiful and Insightful, just as the author herself. Please CLICK HERE to find out how you can receive this in your inbox.

With Immense Love & Gratitude,
~Zeenat~
Counseling Psychologist/ Spiritual Counselor
Motivational Speaker/Naturopath
Holistic Healer/Writer


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Author: Zeenat Merchant Syal

Counseling Psychologist/ Spiritual Counselor/Motivational Speaker/Naturopath/Holistic Healer/Writer

35 thoughts on “How to Be Non-Judgmental of Yourself and Others

  1. Great coverage of this topic Zeenat. I think this is one of the biggest challenges for each person here on planet Earth to overcome. Your tips and advice are great and if we can each make even a tiny improvement in the direction of being non-judgemental each day, we are helping to heal the world and ourselves.

    As for my personal tips, I second your first point above about awareness. It really for me comes down to being mindful in each moment of any thoughts I may be having about self or others. If we can recognize or be aware of these thoughts coming up, we are empowered to release them, work through them or do whatever we need to get to the root of why we may be feeling a certain judgemental way.

    p.s. Thank you for the link love :) Wishing you a beautiful new week!

    • Hi Evita,
      You are so right.. In being non judgmental we are in our little way healing the world. Wow for that :)
      I love how you expanded on what being aware means to you…we each have our own versions of awareness…but the best part the end result of this awareness is always positive.
      Thank you for your amazing comment here.
      Much love~

  2. This is a brilliant post Zeenat.

    As a person who stutters I know only too well what it means to judge oneself and others. I used to always think other people were judging me because of my difficulties with speaking. It was my NLP trainer who opened my eyes. He asked me to consider that by believing others were thinking badly of me, who was actually judging others? The answer of course was me! Very powerful.

    • Dear Hiten,
      Many a times we don’t realize how our thoughts are hurting our higher self…I’m so glad your nlp trainer nudged you in the right direction. Very powerful aha moment indeed :)
      May we all be judgment free and happy always.
      Thank you for sharing your beautiful experience here.
      Much love~

  3. Zeenat,

    You have written so many special articles; this one is especially stellar. The quotes are perfect. The affirmations for self-accept so pure, simple, and lovely. The way you have linked acceptance to love shows your wisdom: “When you have reached a point of acceptance of things around you a certain calm comes over your complete being.” I treasure this post! My deep gratitude for mentioning my weekly letter. All my love, Sandra

    • Darling Sandra,
      You make me blush with all your kind words here :) thank you!
      Love is such a beautiful result of non judgment…I think I could write on a book on the benefits of it ;)
      I’m so happy so so happy you liked this article so much. Your appreciation means the world to me.
      Lots of love~

  4. Zeenat,
    Lovely and important post. So glad you are writing on this topic. While self-talk is a natural part of our elegant brain function, too many people use it against themselves rather than in support of themselves.
    I think many cultures view self-compassion as indulgent and that creates a collective belief within us that limits the love, care and kindness we can practice moment by moment towards ourselves, and by extension – to others.
    There are many golden nuggets within this post to help us to see the connection between our inner empathy and empathy towards others.
    And the Whitman quote (which is wonderful) gives good advice too – be curious….rather than judgmental.
    Regards,
    Louise

    • Hi Louise,
      I’m so glad you liked this article. The power of self compassion is truly still very untapped.
      Thank you for sharing you amazing wisdom here. – loved every word of your comment. So much to soak in.
      Love seeing you here.
      Much love~

  5. Zeenat,
    I loved this! For me when I read this: Who ever becomes happy by being judgmental – was the clincher. Really, who does become happy being judgmental? You’ve got to be soo unhappy to be judgmental all the time. I’d much rather be inclusive of everyone than narrow my entire world down by who meets my judgmental standards. Everyone has a pearl inside – no matter who they are.
    xoxo,
    Angela

    • Dear Angela,
      We do so take our happiness for granted when we let our tongues wag in judgment. I love how you say “Everyone has a pearl inside – no matter who they are.” That so so true!!!
      Thank you sweetie for your loving comment here and superb support always.
      So much love~

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  7. “Love Love Love-Ok so, now you might wonder, whats love got to do with it?”

    Please allow me to give a personal example of “Whats love got to do with it?”…if only some part of one’s love:

    With the releasing of my ‘judgmental mode’ the other day I choose to participate in Joy Holland’s experimental morning letter to myself.

    I had no conceived thoughts as to what would be written down for the first morning. The night before I was working the out for the Broadway production of ‘Cats’. We were almost near completion when I severely wrenched my lower back. I managed to drive home by 12:30 a.m …put some ‘cool heat’ ointment on, made a small pot of coffee for the 6:00 am wake up time needed for being back at the theater for the load-in of the Opera season.

    When I awoke with pain at 5:00 a.m. my body was for the most part immobile. I knew I would not be able to go to work. I knew I had to get my cell phone out on the dinette table. It took me 30 minutes to get up and go the 15 feet to retrieve the phone. After leaving text messages to work while laying on my back the pain, the seizing up, and stiffness doubled. After awhile I had to go to the bathroom, put could not move. And then terrible frustration, unhappiness, and tears moved in. It was at this point I decided to write my first morning letter to myself on my cell phone and send it to my email:

    “Experiment morning letter. This is on my cell phone lying in bed. i am in pain from a lower back last night at work. I hate being alone.”

    After which more tears, pain, sadness, of being alone…and then I reflected on my former wife’s words: “There will always be a part of me that loves you”.

    For years after our separation that statement infuriated me, but with time I learned that without “judgement” what she said is true and from the heart.

    So I sent the morning letter to myself to her. She immediately called me up as she knew by the content I was in trouble and hurting both physically and spiritually.

    And so by texting the rest of the day she monitored, advised, supported, and faithfully loved me…is it not best to “Judge” for this then to “Judge” based on grievances?

    And so a great amount of *calm* came over me later in the day when I was finally able to sit up at the computer with a electric hot pad at my back and type my response to Joy’s morning letter to herself. I felt an acceptance of my limiting injury (a thankfulness), an acceptance for the love of others, an acceptance for the love of myself, and an awareness of healing power when love is given unselfishly…yes without judging.

    Whats love got to do with it?

    Everything!

    This post has been most meaningful…

    Thank you dearest Zeenat.

    • Dear Rand,
      You said it so beautifully! Love has got everything to do with it. A better world a more healed world…with love.
      I’m so happy you are now better…and what a beautifully non judgmental environment you created during this trying time. Writing to yourself and to friends who are non judgmental help you heal so wholly….
      Thank you so much for your lovely sharing here.. Your heart is pure and so is your spirit.
      May you be completely healed soon.
      Sending you lots of love~

  8. Dear Zeenat,

    Your words touched my heart. And my thoughts said: ‘Oh yes, indeed.’

    As someone who used to be pretty judgmental (OK….extremely), it took me years to even become aware of this behavior that had become part of my skin.

    Working at becoming aware and catching myself judging…or even reflecting on when it happened during the day and didn’t even notice, were the first steps in defusing the toxic nature of judging.

    I have been working on becoming non-judgmental for several years now. For me, it is a work in progress. Yes, I am significantly more loving and compassionate to myself…which is reflected in how I feel about others. BUT, I still catch myself when I start feeling my judgmental voice trying to take over.
    And sometimes, yes,even know, the urge to itch it (Pema Chodron’s words) is too strong and I scratch.

    The good news is that I now have compassion for myself when that happens. I accept my imperfections and try to learn from them if they are harmful to myself and others.

    So,thank you for your words, affirmations, and philosophy. You are a wise woman. Fran

    • Dear Fran,
      Its so lovely that you are embracing your judgmental old self and transforming into a more positive and healed self. Yay you!
      Its definitely a work in progress..and believe me , noone is perfect. I have my days too…but I have learnt to think of these judgmental thoughts as ‘pollution’ in the universe…and that makes me aware. I dont want to be a polluter, instead I rather be a healer.
      May your compassionate self blossom further dear one.
      I am so happy you liked this article, and happier that you stopped by to share your thoughts. I appreciate you!
      So Much Love~

  9. Wonderful post and a topic very close to my heart, Zeenat. Being judgmental can limit life to a large extent. :-) It is important to live with an open heart and be compassionate. Happiness to you, always!

    • Dear Vidya,
      I’m happy you liked this article and that its a topic you have been close to. The more we judge, we waste our own time…and precious energy. We much rather use that energy for something more positive…
      Happiness and love to you too~

  10. Hi Zeenat,

    This was a beautiful post on a topic I think about frequently. I try always to be non-judgmental, to be inclusive of others. Then I find that I am extremely harsh towards myself, in a way I would never be to others. I also find that my non-judgmental inclusivity towards others needs a filter, in order to protect myself and my own well-being from negative energies that distort my vision. [nothing personal]

    I love your affirmations. I have started using affirmations, and well, this journey towards love and positivity is bumpy and often takes some side turns. But the rewards are worth it. I have decided right now, in this moment, that I will only fill my inner circle with those who bring out the best in me. Your blog is a beautiful resource, a place of incredibly loving support. Thank you so much for all that you do.

    • Dear Lynn,
      Its amazing the things we learn in the process of healing ourselves. When it comes to non judgment we need to always begin work first on ourselves then and only then will non judgment become second nature to us…even toeards others.
      Having a positive circle will surely help you fly…I’m honored you consider my blog as such a positive resource.
      Sending you lots of love~

  11. Zeenat, beautiful post! And I love that you begin with talking about being non-judgmental of ourselves. This is where it often is the worst. And it’s out of self-judgment that others-judgment begins. You’ve hit it at the root!

    • Hi Bryan,
      It all begins with the self…healing is first inside and then outside :)
      I’m so glad you liked this post.
      Thank you so much for stopping by and sharing your thoughts here. I do love your gravatar! its so sunny and happy…I guess its the smile ;)
      Much Love~

  12. Why is it that being judgmental is the default, the easy way out? Not being judgmental is definitely a practice. Sometimes I find myself in a conversation with a friend and we start to talk about (judge) someone or a group of people because they have beliefs different from ours. I’m getting much better at stopping the conversation with the question: Hey, who made us God? Why are our ideas and beliefs any better than anyone else’s? When I first started doing this, my friends would usually give me a funny look, pause and realize that what we were doing wasn’t very nice. We’re all getting better with practice.

    • Hi Paige,
      I think its got to do with the way we are brought up. That conditioning makes us feel this is normal behavior….when in reality normal is really full of positivity and happiness..the truest nature of the soul.
      Practice does make us better. Connecting with our soul and living heart centered lives makes for more positivity and less judgment.
      I’m so glad you are now connecting with your core nature….slow and steady sweetie :)
      So Much love to you~

  13. A very nice and very informational post, Its so true that people tend to be judgmental often, I do often find myself to be housings hoards of preconceived judgement which are most often most distant from the truth. It has came and bit bit me in back a million times and though i was too egoistic i have now learned to accept the truth and now realizes that the mistake lies with me and i am the only one who can correct it. I was looking at the wrong place all this time, I suppose,.

    nice post Zeenat, it really helped.

    • Hi Rupertt,
      I’m happy that this post provided you with some clarity into your life.
      When we realize we are going the wrong path, it becomes easier to become positive. You are on the right path.
      Thank you so much for your lovely comment here.
      Much love~

  14. I LOVED this post! Thank you for eloquently offering insights into judgment and ideas to consider instead.

    I find I cannot come from a place of judgment and be happy at the same time. Thinking about this makes it easier for me to let go of my judgments and just be happy because given the choice I’d rather be happy every day.

    When I am judging, I am placing a negative or positive value on people who are, in fact, complex and unique individuals that deserve my respect and compassion- including myself, of course! I have found I can observe and accept people without judging them, and this practice frees me to live in peace with myself and those around me!

    Have a grateful day!

    Chrysta

    • Hi Chrysta,
      Ohh your comment made me smile wide wide WIDE :)
      You so beautifully state how happiness cant reside in a place of judgment.
      People are all unique and special…the sooner we can embrace them for who they are(including ourself) the sooner we reach and live form a place of non judgment.
      Thank you fro your beautiful comment here.
      Much Love~

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  17. Hello Zeenat,

    A very well thought post. After reading this post I have actually tried to acquire some of the things you have mentioned. I agree with evita on this being one of the biggest challenges. I confess to use to judge myself as well as others. Sometimes I even try to stop myself for doing this but couldn’t help. Now I understand that we should accept people the way they are and stop finding loopholes in each and every thing and person. This way we can be a lot happier and calm.
    Thanks a ton for letting know……..

  18. Hello Zeenat

    i am shyjo and i have to tell you something about my life i have a very beautiful girlfriend and she is so sweet, caring and she is everything to me and we sometime fight and make up each other , we are planning to get married soon and she is so happy so i do , the only thing bothering us is we are too worried if we fight after marriage any kind how one should be dealt with it, i am little quizzical about being hurt by doing any kind of arguments or fighting , she is reminding me of things that would happen to our life tomorrow it might harm our relationship, i am in bit confused stage of what would happen if we fought, how one should compromise to the context, my question here is are we unnecessarily drawn to the fear caused by events that might happen tomorrow , should we really care about it can u help with this why we have to fight at all ……………..

  19. Hello Zeenat,

    I just discovered your blog and browsed through it a little bit. I like it very much. And I love the way we are able to connect with each other around the globe nowadays, with people from all different backgrounds and from different religions, searching for the same truth (or they would not stay). It sure helps to become less judgmental. This subject interests me very much as I am indeed monitoring myself daily on it and it feels so much better to become less judgmental and to see us all as brothers and sisters in one world.

    I hope to read many more of your articles.

    Love,

    Anny

    • Hi Anny,
      Its lovely seeing you here!
      So happy that the article here are interesting to you.
      You know we are all made of the same light…hence seek the same things..
      Hope to see more of you here.
      Thank you for stoPping by.
      Much love~

  20. We will always judge others cos as humans we think in categories we dont c the bigger picture like the almighty ….

  21. Dear Zeenat,

    Thanks from the core of my heart. I was very disturbed and trying to find my way to peace of mind. I clicked on your blog and found it so inspiring. I always find fault with self and feel others are better than me. I am good at everything i do but still have no self confidence. After reading your views i am motivated to practice self affirmations and loving my self.

    God bless you.

    Jyoti

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