“When you selectively water and nurture your Positive seeds, your relationships glow with sunshine and rainbows.” ~ Z
A deep transformation can shake you out of a complacent existence and change you forever. I went through something like that a few years back. It would be impossible for me to capture the entire enriching experience, but here are a few gems that you could use to recharge your relationships.
Negative and Positive Seeds
In each one of us there are negative and positive seeds.
The negative seeds are of anger, hate, discrimination, jealousy.
The positive seeds are of joy, compassion, understanding and loving kindness.
The seeds that are watered regularly take roots and thrive.
For example, if a person spends a lot of time touching her seeds of anger, her life could be about how difficult her children are, or how miserable her scheming colleagues make her. Her seeds of anger will be strong enough to dictate what she thinks, how she relates to others, or how she works.
As a counselor&healer, I see a lot of children whose negative seeds have been watered for years by their families, teachers and society. They end up angry, depressed, anxious, relieving their suffering by hurting their bodies, becoming violent and taking undue risks.
How Watering and Nurturing the Positive Seeds of your relationships can make them Glow
Mindfulness comes in handy here. It means being aware and awake to the present moment, being mindful of our own positive and negative seeds, and being mindful of what makes us water the negative seeds of people around us. I believe that as families and communities we should sign a peace treaty, where each member commits to watering the positive seeds of the others. For your part, try this exercise at home with your partner, daughter, son, or a friend. It is best done when both of you are at peace, open and ready to listen deeply. Each person goes through all the three steps at one go.
3 Healing Steps:
Step 1 -
Watering the Flower: Express what you appreciate and admire about the other person. Make him/her aware of how much you value them. Shine light on their strengths and the amazing qualities they have. By doing so, we are watering and nurturing their positive seeds, which in turn nurture our relationship with them.
Genuine Apologizing: Share genuinely how you regret hurting him/her due to a certain lack of skillfulness in thoughts, speech and action. Make them aware that you are committed to bringing about changes that would enhance the relationship. This step helps to build trust and love between the two individuals.
Lovingly Expressing a hurt: Finally, with immense gentleness and loving kindness, talk about how the other person might have hurt you. Be careful that it does not become confrontational, or a blame game. Avoid vague, generalised statements. The focus is not on settling scores but on building deeper bonds. It is important to note that when one person is speaking, the other person must listen deeply. End this sharing with a warm and ‘loving hug’ to conclude this deeply emotional experience.
Living with compassion, mindfulness and joy in all our relationships can truly add the much needed glow to them. How then can Happiness not prevail Isn’t this exactly what each of us is looking for?
A while back I wrote a 4 part series on Happy Relationships. Here are the 4 links to that series. Hope they help you add further GLOW to all your relationships.
- You Deserve To Be Loved ~ Happy Relationships Series
- Heart Connections, Soul-Mates, Love ~ Happy Relationships Series
- How to Rejuvenate each and every Relationship in your life ~ Happy Relationships Series
- 10 Ways to Add a Dash of Happiness to Your Relationships ~ Happy Relationships Series
What are YOUR thoughts on these 3 healing steps? Do you have any healing steps to add, that you have successfully tried? Please do share your thoughts in the comments below. I would really like to learn from your wisdom.
With Immense Love & Gratitude,
Counseling Psychologist/ Spiritual Counselor
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