While growing up, I was almost always surrounded by loving friends, who stood by me in thick and thin. I really never knew the pain or anguish of being friendless or disliked. As a libran and as my super intelligent Daddy’s little girl, the few outgoing and conversational qualities I possessed were constantly in use helping me to be well, Liked. But, as I grew up and started understanding life and all its intricacies, I came to a startling realization…..not everyone ‘feels’ liked or loved. Notice I said, not everyone ‘feels’ liked or loved….cause everyone is loved and liked in reality, we just dont accept and love ourselves enough to embrace that fact.
I grew up loving and reading Dale Carnegie. I am so influenced by his books, that I use his methods in many of my Seminars and group counseling sessions. When it comes to books about networking, building relationships or dealing with people, my favorite and undisputed classic is ‘How To Win Friends and Influence People’. Dale Carnegie wrote the book in 1936 and it has been read and put to good use by millions of people since.
The most imperative of realizations in the book is that although some people are more extroverted or affable, dealing with people is a learned skill that anyone can master. Believe me, I thought I had that department of being liked and loved covered….till I was blown away by all the positive life suggestions in this book.
The second section of the book is titled, Six Ways To Make People Like You. These are simple ideas that make a huge difference. These are the ones I’m going to discuss and share with you today…from my perspective ofcourse So here goes people….hold onto your coffee mugs and read to be positively blown away…:
6 Simple and Effective ways to make People Like You
1) Be Genuinely Interested In Other People
In my years of counseling and dealing with people, I have seen, that the word that people say more than any other is ‘I”. People love love love to talk about themselves, their lives, their hobbies, their families, their passions, etc… When you become interested in people, ask questions and allow them to talk, they will love you for it.
Very simply: Just focus on being interested not interesting. There is a big difference. Interesting is about you, interested is about them.
I love to flash smiles at passerbys and see whether they smile back. They usually do I can see how a stressed aura changes just with the simple smile. A smile is a simple gesture that doesn’t cost you money, time, or energy but it can brighten someone’s day, changes the way you feel and makes you more approachable.
Very Simply: Smiling is attractive and contagious. People around you can’t help but smile when they see a big smile on your face.
3) Remembering and Using People’s Name
Its said that the sweetest and most important sound in language is the sound of your own name.
We’ve all been there when you recognize the person but can’t remember their name. It’s awkward, uncomfortable and sometimes embarrassing. We often use the excuse that “I am not good with names,” but if you want to master people, you need to begin to remember names.
Very Simply: Develop a system, when you meet someone use their name 3 times in conversation or write their name down in a notebook with some notes about them. Figure out what works for you.
4) Be A Good Listener
My grandfather(Nana) used to tell the chatterbox me that ‘we are all given one mouth and two ears for a reason’. We need to encourage others to talk and then listen to understand.
Listening is an active process. It is much more than being silent. It involves love and empathy, which is to walk in someone’s shoes and understanding, which is the ability to relate without judging or fixing.
Very Simply: Listening is a skill that is developed with practice and as you master it, people will like you more and more.
5) Talk To People with Their Interests in mind
People love it when you can talk to them in terms of their interests. They love when you are knowledgeable on subjects they enjoy and can have intelligent conversation about what matters most to them.
That doesn’t mean that you have to be an expert in every category, but being able to talk to people in terms of their interests goes a long way. One way to do this is to study topics of interest before meeting with people. If you know that your business lunch/dinner is with a huge football fan, then take some time to brush up on your knowledge of the game. This small point may make the biggest difference in how the meeting turns out.
If you have paid attention to the first five ways to make people like you, you are probably noticing a trend. Each of the points is focused on the other person.
Talking in terms of other people’s interest is another way to put them first and leave a great impression.
6) Make People Feel Important But Do It Sincerely
Each person is different and making people feel important can be done in a myriad of ways. You can give a compliment, remember their birthday or a special occasion, recognize them for their skills and contribution or give them a gift.
The key is to make sure you do it sincerely. Your motives must be pure. This is not about giving to get, it is about giving because you genuinely care. People can read through individuals who are fake and only in it for themselves. If you are going to compliment someone, make it sincere. Look at the good in people and point that out.
“If you teach a man anything, he will never learn.” ~Bernard Shaw
Learning is an active process. We learn by doing. So, if you desire to master the principles you are
reading, do something about them. Apply these ways at every opportunity. If you don’t you will forget them quickly. Only knowledge that is used sticks in your mind.
As a Girl Guide I was taught to leave a campsite better than before I got there. I think the same principle applies to people.
Leave every person better for having met you. When you give love selflessly, you WILL get it back ten fold…and that is the Law of the Universe. Believe it! Embrace it! Live it!
Have you got any tips and thoughts of your own on this topic? In your life experience, how have you learned to make people like you? Share your tips, wisdom and experiences in the comments below. Lets learn from each other darlings!
p.s. I apologize for the long breaks between posting new articles this month. Its the Holy Month of Ramadhan and my nights and days are spent in quite prayer hence, being online or writing articles have been far from my mind lately. Eid is in a week from today, so will be back to my blogging schedule soon. Thank you for your patience and for your loving emails. All is well
With Immense Love & Gratitude,
Counseling Psychologist/ Spiritual Counselor
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