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The Healing Power of Forgiveness & Release

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The Healing Power of Forgiveness & Release“You are not guilty of any sin, my brother. But you believe that you are. And while you believe this, you will need forgiveness. It is the only way out of your self-imposed illusion.” ~ Paul Ferrini

I often get asked, “But how can I forgive, when it hurts so much?”

At some point in time, most of us have been in this position. We recognize some pattern or behaviour in ourselves or others, that we would like to change, but often feel powerless to do so. Everything we try seems to lead nowhere.

Have you been in this situation?

As we begin to understand by probing deeper into the source of this behavior, we can often link the behavior to some past event or experience in our lives. In some cases, it is the result of a single traumatic event, whether that be a betrayal, an injury, an attack or a perceived injustice. In others, it is the result of mental, emotional or physical abuse that has occurred over and extended period of time. However, understanding the source of the behaviour is not always enough to change it. If we are unable to release our anger, pain and fear, all of the baggage that we carry as a result of this past experience, we remain stuck, and continue to allow these past experiences to shape our future in ways that aren’t always healthy and often create more pain and suffering in our lives.

So what is forgiveness & why is it so hard to forgive and move on?

For many of us, it is a misconception of what forgiveness really means. A common message in our culture is that you should just “forgive and forget”, implying that to forgive means to forget about it, like it never happened. I personally struggled with this concept for many years. To me, to forget how I had been betrayed, abused or injured by someone or something in the past, didn’t exactly seem like a wise idea. To forget that it ever happened, would mean that I hadn’t learned anything, that I was likely to repeat the experience again.

Fortunately, I did learn that true forgiveness was something quite different than what I had been led to believe by the messages I had received from the world I lived in. You do not have to forgive and forget. Its okay to remember what happened. But you dont want to go around carrying the heavy burden of being angry, bitter and resentful for the rest of your life either. For example once you learn that if you touch a hot stove you can get burned, you are not likely to do it again. You learn something from the experience, to exercise more caution while working around a hot stove. And, you don’t blame the stove for being hot. It is what it is. And, you don’t go around for years holding onto a grudge against the stove because you got burned. Well, you can, but its not very productive is it?? Its the same thing with people. Learn from our experience and move on.

What does it mean to truly forgive someone?

The Healing Power of Forgiveness & ReleaseTo forgive someone does not mean that whatever harm or hurt that they caused you was not inappropriate. It means that you will no longer allow the past to have a hold on your life today; that you are willing to release the hurt and the pain; that you no longer wish to be tied to the experience or the person connected to the experience in a negative way; that you are releasing both yourself and the person you need to forgive from a tie that holds you both back; that you wish to be free. When I finally understood this I was able to begin the process of forgiveness. On a side note, forgiveness does not always equal, “Welcome back into my life”, to the person who has betrayed, harmed or abused you. Sometimes it can, and that can be a good thing. However, there are times when it is neither wise nor prudent to do so. But you can still free yourself from the burden of pain, anger, fear, hate, bitterness and resentment either way.

Forgiveness is about release, releasing ourselves from those self-imposed limitations and self-defeating behavior patterns that tie us to the past in negative ways. Forgiveness is releasing our anger, fear, pain  and resentment and opening our hearts to joy, peace and love. Yes, others may have done things that have hurt or harmed us, and they are responsible for those action. But these individuals are not responsible for how we live the rest of our lives. We are responsible for that. How we respond to these past events and what we carry into our present and our future is entirely up to us and no one else. If we allow the past to negatively affect how we live the rest of our lives, the choices we make, our relationships and our behavior patterns, that is our choice and responsibility not that of the original offender.

Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself  – the gift of freedom.

A Positive Healing Affirmation you can use to Forgive and Release :

“I forgive all souls and embrace them with Love and compassion.”

Remember to write or say this affirmation at least 10X daily for 40 days. It takes 40 days to impress upon the unconscious “reacting” mind all that you desire and dream. Then it becomes automatic behavior in the conscious “acting” mind. Affirmations are the same as doing any type of repetitive exercise to change or learn a new behavior.

Now its YOUR turn: What does letting go mean to you? Has forgiveness healed you in the path of letting go?

With Immense Love & Gratitude,
~Zeenat~
Counseling Psychologist/ Spiritual Counselor
Motivational Speaker/Naturopath
Holistic Healer/Writer

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Author: Zeenat Merchant Syal

Counseling Psychologist/ Spiritual Counselor/Motivational Speaker/Naturopath/Holistic Healer/Writer

14 thoughts on “The Healing Power of Forgiveness & Release

  1. Just what I so desperately needed to know

    • Hi Joanne,
      So happy this article is helping you understand ‘forgiveness’ in a positive light.
      Thank you for stopping by and sharing your thoughts here.
      Much Love~

  2. Beautiful post!!! Its tough to forgive ourself!! :) learning to do that is the problem!!

  3. Zee,
    I totally agree with you! I love the beautiful affirmation too. You know I’m a huge believer in the power of positive affirmation.

    Holding a grudge or being unforgiving only hurts us in the long run – not the other person.

    When I read this quote it really put forgiving others in perspective:
    “Failure to forgive is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die!” Unknown

    Thank you for this great post and reminder. WE all need a good reminder once in a while.
    xoxo,
    Angela

    • Hi Angela,
      Thats one powerful quote you have shared there. We truly forget how toxic a grudge can be on our heart and soul.
      So glad you liked this post.
      Thank you for your loving comment here.
      Much Love~

  4. The Forsaken Wife

    Methinks, ’tis strange you can’t afford
    One pitying Look, one parting Word;
    HUMANITY claims this as due,
    But what’s HUMANITY to you?

    Cruel Man! I am not Blind,
    Your infidelity I find;
    Your want of Love, my Ruin shows,
    My broken Heart, your broken Vows.
    Yet maugre all your rigid Hate,
    I will be TRUE in spite of Fate;
    And one Preheminence I’ll claim,
    To be for ever still the same.

    Show me a Man that dare to be TRUE,
    That dares to suffer what I do;
    That can for ever Sigh unheard,
    And ever Love without Regard:
    I then will own your Prior Claim
    To LOVE, to HONOUR, and to FAME:
    But ’till that time, my Dear, adieu,
    I yet SUPERIOR am to you.

    ~ Elizabeth Thomas (1675-1731)

    ————————–

    To “suffer” with grace and the overwhelming conviction of self ‘in spite of fate.
    We realize human imperfection is constant.
    To leave the door of ‘forgiveness’ always open.
    We know the past will not claim the soul.
    To someday pierce the veil into eternity.
    We thus I will leave peacefully without further adieu.

    ~ Me

    “that you are releasing both yourself and the person you need to forgive from a tie that holds you both back; that you wish to be free.”

    With all my heart I release…

  5. Guilt – feeling is really a very serious problem. One keep suffering silently and suffers big loss. Your post is very educative.

    • Hi Upendra,
      Guilt indeed is not just painful but very damaging to the heart and soul. When we can forgive we are paving the way for our own happiness. Am happy you found this article to be educative.
      Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts here.
      Much Love~

  6. Letting go for me meant moving forward and creating boundaries… For almost a year, I allowed a “friend” to walk all over me. I held onto the anger and refused to forgive, yet I let it keep happening. Once I decided to forgive, I also realized that meant I didn’t have to let the pattern persist…So it was simply: “He did ___, and that’s not okay. But I do things wrong too, and I forgive him. But I won’t let this stay in my life.”

    It’s so easy to hang on to anger because “they deserve it.” But really, most of the time, it’s not affecting them. It’s affecting you! It’s just not worth holding on to.

    Forgiveness and letting go offer so much healing…As soon as I released that relationship, I also released the anger, hurt and anxiety that went with it. This reminds me of one of my favorite quotes: “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” –
    Lewis B. Smedes

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