6 Signs You are Stuck in a People-Pleasing cycle& How to Heal from it

“Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner. ~ Lao Tzu

People-pleasing is a common coping mechanism humans use to fit in to their surroundings. Most of the time we develop the habit of people pleasing because of our need to protect ourselves from negative emotions. It shows up in a pattern of behaviours that, on the surface, make us seem ‘nice, sweet, flexible, very understanding and agreeable’.

Confession: I am a reforming people-pleaser myself. So, I know first hand that Empaths and Sensitive souls suffer from people-pleasing the most.

While being kind and helpful is generally a good thing, going too far to please others can leave you feeling emotionally depleted, stressed, and anxious.

We really want people’s approval and to stay in their good books, which often results in us neglecting or not even being aware of our own needs.

Because of our need to please others, we struggle to set boundaries and tend to overcommit, leading to overwhelm, anxiety and burnout.

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What is the Purpose of Pain?

”There is no coming to consciousness without pain.” ~ Carl Jung

Being in the field of counseling for more than 20 years now, I see a range of clients, who have many different and varied issues they need help healing from. But the common factor no matter what the issue is, is the pain that they all felt(or feel).

Pain on its own is a very universal feeling. We all, including me, have had our share of pains. So you do understand that healing from pain is not a simple process. There are a multitude of issues to work through and heal through in order to heal that pain. And no, no one size fits all approach can work either.

That being said, I have noticed that in trying to Heal this pain, there are many things we learn about our selves in the process. I have known so many souls, who claim to attain a sense of spiritual growth while trying to heal from their pain.

A question I get asked a lot, due to the spiritual nature of my work is ->

Does pain bring us closer to our higher self? Is there purpose in my pain?

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What is it that sets your soul on fire? What is your burning passion?

Be fearless in the pursuit of what sets your soul on fire.”~ Jennifer Lee

As you look at your life, what is the thing that captivates your heart and mind fully?

That tiniest ember of a passionate thought with the gravitational pull of all the planets in all the galaxies on your attention? A spark SO strong that you’re willing to risk even failure or embarrassment because the experience or reward is so much greater? I hope you either have goose bumps or chills up your spine thinking about this thought.

Another way to understand this what is that deep seeded craving to reconnect with something that stirs your soul so intensely.

Now, if I stop you in your tracks while you are in the middle of your day and ask you,

“What is it that sets your soul on fire? What is your burning passion that you can’t stop thinking of?”

Would you be able to answer right away or would you need time to think?

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