In the last three months or so, since i have started this Blog, I have made some beautiful friends. These are people who share their thoughts on their wonderful blogs and make it a point to come and encourage an ameteur blogger like me with their comments everytime I post something new. I would like to take this opportunity to thank them all from the bottom of my heart. If it wasnt for your support, I dont think i would be encouraged enough to continue to blog so enthusiastically. Continue reading “A Very Special Announcement and Request”
Tag: situations
Wants vs. Needs
Just Last Night, my little daughter kept pulling me to the fridge to ask me for Ice cream. Now there is nothing wrong with ice cream is there??But at 11p.m. (well past bedtime) on a heavily rainy and cold day it’s potentially disastrous. Now we grown ups know that don’t we? But for a child its still the best thing in the world and not getting what she wanted makes her cranky and irritable. I try hard to distract her attention from it but all in vain. I actually had to drag her to bed…and even then she kept at it…she couldn’t stop crying and saying ice cream ice-cream…finally after much ado she did fall asleep. What she needed was to go to sleep, but what she wanted was ice cream!
Wants and needs are a funny thing, All our lives we are battling in our heads between these too facts. How often have we gone to a store and looked at something and thought “ohh I want that, its gorgeous!”? And, How often have we gone to a store and thought “Ohh I need that!”? Sometimes it’s a wonder, we have actually grown up..cause our thinking patterns are still mostly childish when it comes to the fine things we want. If you must’ve noticed your thinking pattern, you will realize that your mind first always tricks you into thinking about your Wants and then your Needs. Whereas, your needs are more important than your wants.
You need water, but you want coke instead.
You need food, but you want fries instead.
You need air, but you want air conditioning instead.
There is nothing wrong with wants, cause to some extent they are the driving force for which we might be working so hard. But here I am talking about unnecessary, unhealthy, and self indulgent wants.
The internal conflict between our needs and wants is a never ending process. So, how do we think above it? Is there a way? Ofcourse there is. There is always a way if we choose to find it. Below are three steps I have found work like a charm. These steps have been tried on a group of individuals, and all came out with flying colors. But of course, practice is the key.
Small steps towards self improvement with huge benefits.
3 Steps to overcoming your unnecessary wants:
1. Consciously know what it is that you truly need.
2. Think twice (maybe more) before you act on your wants.
3. After making your choice in your mind-Think again by weighing your pros and cons
MOST IMPORTANTLY-
Always remember-
Your Needs Acted Upon Will NOT Give You A Guilty Conscience! But your wants on the other hand…might just creep up on you…
Attaining selflessness and rising above trivial wants is never easy, but its the need to do so that makes it so attainable.We need to be able to look within ourselves and put ON the light of the heart for the right path.
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The Power Of NO!
There was a time when my favorite word used to be YES. Why? Cause i love being there for everyone around me. Whether it was a birthday party to be organized,an event to be taken care of, helping someone pack for their shifting, going with someone to the lawyers for emotional support, getting groceries for a friend cause they are too busy, picking and dropping at all hours…….etc etc etc…the list is endless. I felt good to be able to be there for all the people around me. I still do. I enjoy it immensely. i love the fact that many people think of me as their go to person.
But, one fine day between all my chores and work I was asked to do a little helping. I wont mention what it was right now, but i was too occupied to do the task as urgently as it was required(it wasn’t life or death though…). Being the YES person that i was, i DIDN’T refuse i just said i will try and do it as soon as possible. And thats exactly what i did. I got to it but a little later, as soon as i got the chance. For the next few weeks, whenever i came across this friend there was a certain harshness in their tone and a very cold vibe was given to me. I kept wondering what must’ve happened. Not being able to put a finger on it, i gathered the courage to ask them directly. The answer changed me for the better i can say that now.
They said “You’re so self involved that you couldn’t do one thing we asked you to do! Now you expect us to be normal with you? How selfish can you be? Please don’t pretend to care when you cant even help when we needed it.”
The task– Picking up a book from the bookstore. And not just any book…the harry potter book for their daughter. I seriously don’t even remember which one it was.
Now, my questions to myself were-Was this so important that they needed to change their attitude so drastically? Why was this such a big issue for them? Or am i getting ahead of myself? Am i not a good friend?
I literally went into a state of self pity and couldn’t fathom the reasons. I was doing my best. I wanted to be there for them..and i was. Then why wasn’t it enough?
After thinking about this for so long and talking about it with my other colleagues and analyzing my behavior(i often forget amidst analyzing my patients to analyze myself) i realised I never say NO. That word kind of didnt exist in my vocabulary. And the reason was i never wanted to hurt anyone. But, now in the bargain of not hurting anybody, i was being taken for granted and was the one being hurt. It was from this point that i realised that saying NO was not only important for ME but also for the other person. For ME because I am not pushing myself to the brink and for the other cause there is no false hope in their mind either.
Saying NO(politely) for things or requests which i don’t consider appropriate somehow made me feel empowered. I started having more time for the other important things in my life and the most important lesson i have learned is that your true friends aren’t the ones who will hold you responsible for receiving a fictional book a little late.
I still love being there for everyone in my life, but i have set my priorities right by learning to say NO to things that are inappropriate. I have started seeing things in a more positive perspective. Not being afraid to say NO has made me a better friend and a more honest human being. See, I am now one step closer to attaining my personal goal “Humanely Human”.
NOTE- Whenever the situation arises to say NO, please do it carefully. so as not to hurt the opposite person. And, always make it a point to make the other person feel comfortable, not uncomfortable by your NO.
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Positive Provocations 