*Positive Provocations*

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The Power Of NO!

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no

There was a time when my favorite word used to be YES. Why? Cause i love being there for everyone around me. Whether it was a birthday party to be organized,an event to be taken care of, helping someone pack for their shifting, going with someone to the lawyers for emotional support, getting groceries for a friend cause they are too busy, picking and dropping at all hours…….etc etc etc…the list is endless. I felt good to be able to be there for all the people around me. I still do. I enjoy it immensely. i love the fact that many people think of me as their go to person.

But, one fine day between all my chores and work I was asked to do a little helping. I wont mention what it was right now, but i was too occupied to do the task as urgently as it was required(it wasn’t life or death though…). Being the YES person that i was, i DIDN’T refuse i just said i will try and do it as soon as possible. And thats exactly what i did. I got to it but a little later, as soon as i got the chance. For the next few weeks, whenever i came across this friend there was a certain harshness in their tone and a very cold vibe was given to me. I kept wondering what must’ve happened. Not being able to put a finger on it, i gathered the courage to ask them directly. The answer changed me for the better i can say that now.

They said “You’re so self involved that you couldn’t do one thing we asked you to do! Now you expect us to be normal with you? How selfish can you be? Please don’t pretend to care when you cant even help when we needed it.”

The task– Picking up a book from the bookstore. And not just any book…the harry potter book for their daughter. I seriously don’t even remember which one it was.

Now, my questions to myself were-Was this so important that they needed to change their attitude so drastically? Why was this such a big issue for them? Or am i getting ahead of myself? Am i not a good friend?

I literally went into a state of self pity and couldn’t fathom the reasons. I was doing my best. I wanted to be there for them..and i was. Then why wasn’t it enough?

After thinking about this for so long and talking about it with my other colleagues and analyzing my behavior(i often forget amidst analyzing my patients to analyze myself) i realised I never say NO. That word kind of didnt exist in my vocabulary. And the reason was i never wanted to hurt anyone. But, now in the bargain of not hurting anybody, i was being taken for granted and was the one being hurt. It was from this point that i realised that saying NO was not only important for ME but also for the other person. For ME because I am not pushing myself to the brink and for the other cause there is no false hope in their mind either.

Saying NO(politely) for things or requests which i don’t consider appropriate somehow made me feel empowered. I started having more time for the other important things in my life and the most important lesson i have learned is that your true friends aren’t the ones who will hold you responsible for receiving a fictional book a little late.

I still love being there for everyone in my life, but i have set my priorities right by learning to say NO to things that are inappropriate. I have started seeing things in a more positive perspective. Not being afraid to say NO has made me a better friend and a more honest human being. See, I am now one step closer to attaining my personal goal “Humanely Human”.

NOTE- Whenever the situation arises to say NO, please do it carefully. so as not to hurt the opposite person. And, always make it a point to make the other person feel comfortable, not uncomfortable by your NO.

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with love Zeenat

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Author: Zeenat {PositiveProvocations.com}

Counseling Psychologist/ Spiritual Counselor/Motivational Speaker/Naturopath/Holistic Healer/Writer

7 thoughts on “The Power Of NO!

  1. Hi Zeenat,
    I can relate to having a hard time saying “no”. Especially when it’s come to my kids and helping out with their activities. And what I’ve found, is that the more I say “yes”, the more likely I’ll not give anything the quality attention I should. It’s difficult to say no!! I know… And it’s something I really have to work on too.

    • Hi Lance,
      Welcome and thanks for stopping by.
      It is hard to say No…sometimes too hard..Believe me, I am still learning. I slip to my old habits so naturally sometimes..and i realize after. By the time its too late and i am stuck. But we learn from our mistakes isnt it…and at least now 7 out of 10 times i am able to say No to something inappropriate. I am getting there…It all lies in consciously making the choice.

  2. Hi Zeenat,

    Thank you for posting this article on Twitter, which is where I found it. I thought that this was a touching story that many will relate to. I also thought that you have identified one of the key obstacles to staying focused on priorities in the workplace. I wrote about this point in the link below, where I also referenced your article:

    http://torontomarketing.blogspot.com/2009/07/most-empowering-two-letters-at-work-no.html

    Sandra Bekhor

    • Hi sandra,
      Lovely of you to take the time to visit and read the article.
      I am glad you liked my little self realization story of NO.
      Thanks so much for linking my article to your blog. It will definitely have the right audience now.
      Hoping to see your valuable comments here soon.

  3. Saying ‘no’ has also been a problem for me. I would always say yes and then feel resentful of the person who asked me. Or I would say no, but feel guilty and beat myself up for being selfish. Today I can say ‘no’ and not feel guilty, because I know that my spirit needs to be heard. I find myself more willing to say yes to things that I used to dread doing. Thank you for sharing this.

    • Hi Jill,
      Thanks for stopping by. Jill youre so right when you say “your spirit needs to be heard”. I think all of us need to hear what our spirit tells us. If we can continuously master that, life and the world will finally be at peace.

  4. Zeenat, I totally agree with the power of “NO”. Of course you must say it respectfully but you do not owe your time to anyone else. You dilute yourself and make yourself worthless to anyone by saying yes to things you do not want to do. Personally I don’t want friends who respect me so little as to think I owe them my time for their own ends.