The Emotional Weight We Carry: Why Peace Requires Letting Go

“Sometimes letting things go is an act of far greater power than defending or hanging on.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

Peace comes with a lot of letting go…Not because life suddenly becomes easy, painless, or predictable, but because the soul eventually grows tired of carrying what it was never meant to hold forever.

Most people imagine peace as a reward waiting at the end of perfect circumstances. A future moment where everything is resolved, everyone understands us, our wounds disappear, and the mind finally becomes quiet.

But real peace rarely arrives that way. Does it? Peace is not passive. It is deeply courageous.

It asks us to loosen our grip on the need to control every outcome. To release identities built entirely around survival. To stop rehearsing old wounds that the nervous system has mistaken for home. To let go of relationships that only survive through self-abandonment. To release the exhausting habit of proving our worth over and over again.

Much of human suffering comes not only from pain itself, but from attachment to pain… attachment to how life “should” have gone, who people “should” have been, and who we believed we needed to become in order to deserve love.

And most people do not realize how much energy is spent holding on….

Holding on to resentment years after a breakup.
Holding on to the need for validation from parents who may never fully understand us.
Holding on to friendships that survive only when we overextend ourselves emotionally.
Holding on to guilt for evolving beyond environments that once defined us.
Holding on to the fantasy that healing means never feeling sadness again.

Continue reading “The Emotional Weight We Carry: Why Peace Requires Letting Go”

A Break Up CAN be handled Positively…here’s How?

A Break Up CAN be handled Positively…here’s How?“Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.”

Almost always when a relationship ends, one person tends to shed it faster, while the other wades through the pain and grief of parting.

Your response to this parting depends on your personality type and state of dependence on your partner. It can also be impacted by the manner in which the parting happened. Did one unexpectedly walk out of the relationship while the other was unprepared? Or, was it a slow and helpless falling out of love on both sides? Did one cheat or hurt the other in any way? Was there respect in the relationship?

If the break up is for the right reasons it helps. If two partners decide to break off to move on to more positive and fulfilling stuff, the parting is likely to be amicable. However, if one partner walks out seeking to hurt or punish the other, the parting and subsequent interaction is bound to be acrimonious and painful for both. Continue reading “A Break Up CAN be handled Positively…here’s How?”

10 Ways to Add a Dash of Happiness to Your Relationships ~ Happy Relationships Series

“Let your love be like the misty rains, coming softly, but flooding the river.” ~Malagasy Proverb

After receiving countless lovely emails and messages regarding different kinds of relationships and the problems in them, this is the article I wrote, which attempts to answer almost all of those queries. 

One of my friends recently gave me an article about happiness that asked the question, “How happy can we be?” Pretty darn happy if I’m in love, you might say. But according to psychologists, about 50 percent of our happiness is determined by our genes, and amazingly only about 10 percent has to do with our actual circumstances. The other 40 percent has to do with what we do to counteract a seemingly natural tendency for us to stay at or around what we psychologists term our “set point” or “base line.”

In other words people tend to reach a goal, whether it be finding love, getting married, or making more money and feel a surge of happiness for a while, only to soon adapt back down to their “set point.” Continue reading “10 Ways to Add a Dash of Happiness to Your Relationships ~ Happy Relationships Series”