“Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.”
Almost always when a relationship ends, one person tends to shed it faster, while the other wades through the pain and grief of parting.
Your response to this parting depends on your personality type and state of dependence on your partner. It can also be impacted by the manner in which the parting happened. Did one unexpectedly walk out of the relationship while the other was unprepared? Or, was it a slow and helpless falling out of love on both sides? Did one cheat or hurt the other in any way? Was there respect in the relationship?
If the break up is for the right reasons it helps. If two partners decide to break off to move on to more positive and fulfilling stuff, the parting is likely to be amicable. However, if one partner walks out seeking to hurt or punish the other, the parting and subsequent interaction is bound to be acrimonious and painful for both.
In order to have a peaceful after, it’s important to weed out the negativity along with the relationship.
For the sake of the relationship and earlier shared love, it is an absolutely necessity on the break-up pair to ensure the impact on the other is minimal. Some people find it helps to have a Transition Relationship around the time of a break up. Almost always in a break up, one person has found someone else to love, while the other is dwelling under disbelief and grief.
Whoever is hurt the most may attract such a temporary relationship. It is commonly looked upon as a “relationship on the rebound.” However, I prefer to look upon a transition affair as ahelpful hand Destiny extends to get us through a difficult period. And since such help is needed for just a while, these relationships, by their very nature, are short lasting.
In the midst of the grief the most critical thing to remember is that time heals all.
A time will come when the tears dry up, the heartache stops and what remains is a regret for what could have been. Unless of course you have reason not to let go that last link with the relationship.
You will move on and stops grieving, no matter how sharp and unnerving the parting. Knowing this as a reality in the middle of your tragedy helps. And what helps more than anything else is if both partners accord each other due respect and make an effort to help make the parting easier.
You cannot predict or dictate how a relationship ends.
But you can certainly choose to let go of it with dignity. For this, it is important to first accept that the relationship has actually ended. The support of friends and family is something that should be actively sought to help tide over the worst of the crisis.
When a relationship is on the breaking point, tempers can be mercurial; try and avoid getting into fights, and make some allowances for the other partner’s irrational words and actions; it will help you retain your sanity.
Although you might have moved into a new relationship, try not to flaunt it in front of your ex or mutual friends; it can hurt like nothing else. Try and give your relationship a closure. It is important to talk as well as to listen, to discuss and together try to understand rationally and without emotion what went wrong. Also, inject a positive note by thinking of all the things you can do once you are free. Plan your days in a manner that doesn’t allow you time for brooding.
Staying away from reminders of happy times spent with your ex is a good idea, at least for a while. Those memories will bring a smile later, currently they will only make you miserable. Do not try to remain friends at least not at this stage it’s unnatural when you are hurting and can perhaps come later.
When handled carefully on both sides, a break-up though still painful, can at least cease to be a lifelong trauma. And perhaps when you look back in the autumn of life, it can just be a sweet sorrow. .
Now its your turn: Have you positively handled your past breakups? Do you have anymore tips to handle a break up positively? Please share in the comments.
Please Note: I shared this post 3 years back…but due to the countless, current emails I got about this very topic, I have re-posted it here so that all those who are going through a bad time can take one step towards happiness and positivity.
With Immense Love & Gratitude,
Counseling Psychologist/ Spiritual Counselor
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