Stress Less

On September 1, 2009November 6, 2009 By Zeenat Merchant Syal-Counseling Psychologist|Spiritual CounselorIn Mind-Mental Health35 Comments

The six fundamental steps to improved health

More than two-thirds of visits to doctors’ surgeries are for stress-related illnesses. Stress has been linked to headaches, backaches, insomnia, anger, cramps, elevated blood pressure, chronic fatigue syndrome, fibromyalgia and lowered resistance to infection. For women, stress is a key factor in hormonal imbalances resulting in menstrual irregularities, PMS, fibroids, endometriosis and fertility problems. Stress can also be a factor in the development of almost all disease states, including cancer and heart disease; the leading cause of death in men & women. In most cases stress is a result of letting life get out of balance. This happens when we put all our energy into only one or two areas of our life (usually work) and ignore the rest.

We take on too much, over-promise, don’t delegate and push our own wants and needs into the background by always looking after others needs first. Continue reading “Stress Less” →

Expectations or Contentment???

On August 4, 2009September 13, 2009 By Zeenat Merchant Syal-Counseling Psychologist|Spiritual CounselorIn Mind, Heart& Soul-Motivation&Inspiration, Mind-Mental Health22 Comments

current-expectations-holding-you-back ‘Blessed is the man who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed’

~Alexander Pope

Every morning we wake up and open our front doors to pick up the newspaper and enjoy the fresh news with a nice cup of steaming tea/coffee. Well, that is usually the ritual in my house. Now we have been having this ritual for years and years and i am beginning to think it was passed down from our forefathers…:) When one fine sunday morning (when we await the paper the most..) It doesnt arrive! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh……all hell breaks loose. Tempers are lost, phone calls to the paper delivery company are made, moods go sour and finally the first few hours of the glorious sunday are lost. Why?? Cause the newspaper wasn’t delivered…NO No NO..Because the news paper wasn’t where we expected it to be..in our hands with our morning coffee. Now, why the paper wasn’t delivered is secondary, the fact that all that time and effort was unnecessarily lost for something as small as a newspaper is something to think about……

Now the above newspaper incident was just an example of our little, unknown expectations, which when tampered with can have adverse effects on our psyche. Everyday all of us have these little expectations which we don’t even think about, like the car will start in the morning when i turn on the ignition, the elevator at the mall will work, the grocery store will have eggs, etc….

Our Expectations can be of two kinds KNOWN and UNKNOWN.

Now unknown seems to be quite clear, but the known, now they are a totally different ball game all together. Lets say you were expecting a raise, you were expecting your daughter/son to get A’s, you expected the project you worked on would get you accolades, you expected sending a gift to someone would get you closer to them…etc.

Not getting what you Knowingly Expected gives rise to more intense reactions from your end. There could be anger, crying, stress, tension, anxiety. The worst part about known expectations is, the expecting per say can be even more stressing. At least in the unknown you were reacting after, but here your reactions are before and after.

Wow..ever wondered how expectations can engulf your life? Think about it now….

Not only do expectations have a life of their own..but they have an after life as well. Why oh why then do we have so many of them?

If you have noticed, there are people who are always smiling. In all the worst possible situations you might see someone always carrying a smile. Who are these people? Do they not have feelings?? How can they smile when something is so horribly wrong? I would like to think they are smiling at themselves rather than at the situation…That they have a certain acceptance of things in and around them that make them feel CONTENT.

Ask yourself if you’re truly content with yourself. Contentment leads to no-expectations. No expectations leads to a certain calm within our self. The fact that we expect not only leads to mental anguish but to physical pain as well. Stress and tension which in turn lead to blood pressure, heart ailments…the list of problems can be endless…but the solution is just one..

No-Expectations=Contentment=No-Expectations=Contentment

What is Contentment? Inner Tranquility. It is the freedom from anxiety, want or need. Contentment is the goal behind all goals because once achieved there is nothing to seek until it is lost.

When one can live in the moment with expectations in harmony with experiences one has achieved the greatest mental contentment possible.

The secret of contentment is knowing how to enjoy what you have, and to be able to lose all desire for things beyond your reach.

~ Lin Yu-t’ang

Are you stuck in the web of expectations or have you been able to come out of it and find contentment?

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The Power Of NO!

On July 24, 2009November 4, 2009 By Zeenat Merchant Syal-Counseling Psychologist|Spiritual CounselorIn Mind, Heart& Soul-Motivation&Inspiration, Mind-Mental Health7 Comments

There was a time when my favorite word used to be YES. Why? Cause i love being there for everyone around me. Whether it was a birthday party to be organized,an event to be taken care of, helping someone pack for their shifting, going with someone to the lawyers for emotional support, getting groceries for a friend cause they are too busy, picking and dropping at all hours…….etc etc etc…the list is endless. I felt good to be able to be there for all the people around me. I still do. I enjoy it immensely. i love the fact that many people think of me as their go to person.

But, one fine day between all my chores and work I was asked to do a little helping. I wont mention what it was right now, but i was too occupied to do the task as urgently as it was required(it wasn’t life or death though…). Being the YES person that i was, i DIDN’T refuse i just said i will try and do it as soon as possible. And thats exactly what i did. I got to it but a little later, as soon as i got the chance. For the next few weeks, whenever i came across this friend there was a certain harshness in their tone and a very cold vibe was given to me. I kept wondering what must’ve happened. Not being able to put a finger on it, i gathered the courage to ask them directly. The answer changed me for the better i can say that now.

They said “You’re so self involved that you couldn’t do one thing we asked you to do! Now you expect us to be normal with you? How selfish can you be? Please don’t pretend to care when you cant even help when we needed it.”

The task– Picking up a book from the bookstore. And not just any book…the harry potter book for their daughter. I seriously don’t even remember which one it was.

Now, my questions to myself were-Was this so important that they needed to change their attitude so drastically? Why was this such a big issue for them? Or am i getting ahead of myself? Am i not a good friend?

I literally went into a state of self pity and couldn’t fathom the reasons. I was doing my best. I wanted to be there for them..and i was. Then why wasn’t it enough?

After thinking about this for so long and talking about it with my other colleagues and analyzing my behavior(i often forget amidst analyzing my patients to analyze myself) i realised I never say NO. That word kind of didnt exist in my vocabulary. And the reason was i never wanted to hurt anyone. But, now in the bargain of not hurting anybody, i was being taken for granted and was the one being hurt. It was from this point that i realised that saying NO was not only important for ME but also for the other person. For ME because I am not pushing myself to the brink and for the other cause there is no false hope in their mind either.

Saying NO(politely) for things or requests which i don’t consider appropriate somehow made me feel empowered. I started having more time for the other important things in my life and the most important lesson i have learned is that your true friends aren’t the ones who will hold you responsible for receiving a fictional book a little late.

I still love being there for everyone in my life, but i have set my priorities right by learning to say NO to things that are inappropriate. I have started seeing things in a more positive perspective. Not being afraid to say NO has made me a better friend and a more honest human being. See, I am now one step closer to attaining my personal goal “Humanely Human”.

NOTE- Whenever the situation arises to say NO, please do it carefully. so as not to hurt the opposite person. And, always make it a point to make the other person feel comfortable, not uncomfortable by your NO.

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