Recurring Patterns

Notice how we keep falling into the same patterns repeatedly, especially in relationships?

Whether its trusting the wrong person or being too giving or any other pattern that gives you a sense of unease after. Actions, words or events in patterns that your don’t entirely understand, as to why they keep happening to you?

We need to start questioning why this is happening to us repeatedly. Why me? Why does this happen to me again and again?

Sounds familiar???

Think about this; all of us go through recurring patterns with something or the other, usually someone or the other. Unrelated incidents manifest themselves as patterns once we recognize their frequency.

Example- A woman who after an abusive marriage, walked into another wedlock with a guy who not just had an extra-marital affair, but is also mentally abusive. This lady comes from a well off background and is an intelligent and well-sorted person. Are you wondering how such a bright and evolved woman could have chosen wrong both times for herself!

Such a recurring pattern may be negative, but could also be positive!

However, we are unlikely to note the positive incidents; they get taken for granted. We are convinced that we are essentially good people and so don’t question the good things that come our way. It’s only when things start going wrong that we start watching out for and questioning patterns! It’s then that we start blaming the world around for the chaos we find ourselves in.

Lessons to learn

We get into recurring patterns because there are lessons to be learnt from our past that we haven’t  imbibed and till such time that we do so, we will find ourselves falling into the same trap again and again. However though we could blame Destiny for some of these recurrences, some could be due to flaws in our own personality too.

A pattern of abuse is like a self-fulfilling prophesy. It’s a defense mechanism called projective identification where we pull and attract through behavior or our body vibes, situations or people who inflict similar kind of pain or act in a manner that helps the environment go wrong. And then we say the world is too chaotic for us!  The paranoid instinct takes over and the picture that emerges is a tarnished, paranoid image.

Break Destructive Patterns

In order to break such destructive patterns, the first step is awareness. First, an understanding and an acceptance that one is a victim of such a recurrent destructive pattern, then an awareness, that the problem is within, not outside us. We have to understand that the chaos we visualize the world to be, is actually a reflection of the chaos within us. We are attracting those people and situations towards us.

So, a certain amount of soul searching is important. Even if we cannot understand why we are on this self-destructive path, just an awareness that we are on it, is enough to set us on the path of healing.  In fact, these negative occurrences or people are not really destructive, but friendly because they help make us aware of the problem within. Emotions that inflict pain help us develop cognitive skills that take us to the next level.


Once we become aware, we can evolve to a higher plane of consciousness where we take ownership for our own actions and it’s from here that the change begins. Why not pray for those that harm you most because they do so in order to help you realize problems within.

And, it’s when you start thinking positively that your cosmic relationship with that particular person starts changing and there is a break in negative patterns.  You then stay away from the people or situations, who though still around, are not getting dragged into nor dragging you into recurrent patterns.

What about YOU? Have you noticed any recurring patterns in your life? Have you identified them?

with love Zeenat

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31 thoughts on “Recurring Patterns

  1. Avani


    We think so much alike. My reasoning matches yours completely on why do experiences repeat themselves in our lives. I have been influenced a lot by the book Many Lives, Masters by Brian Weiss. Have you read it?

    1. Hi Avani,
      Yes, I have read Brian Weiss…Very interesting stuff.
      I so glad you liked this post..and that our reasonings match..its just feels good to know there are other people like you out there who share the same thoughts as me.
      Thank you for your lovely comment 🙂

  2. Hi Z,

    You hit the nail right on the head when you said: “In order to break such destructive patterns, the first step is awareness.” With that new awareness, we must be willing to accept total responsibility before we can move toward positive change.

    As you stated, when we feel like a victim of a recurrent destructive pattern, the problem is within us, not outside us. Once we accept the fact that we are the creator of our own destructive patterns, we also realize that we have the power to create a different, more positive reality.

    1. Hi Jonathan,
      A positive reality ahh…now thats something all of us need to be working towards. Each of us has the power..the only thing is we are so so unaware. More so cause of our egos ….once the “I” factor goes away….positive reality is not very far behind.
      Thank you fro sharing your wonderful thoughts on this 🙂

  3. John Jakaboski

    I like this post, and have struggled with certain patterns in my life. I agree that the primary thing one should begin with is simply awareness. Try to observe the thoughts you may have without letting them hook you or take you in a certain direction or toward a particular (and possibly well-worn) reaction. If you are relaxed you are not spinning your mental wheels over whatever concerns you have, but are ready to interact with the world on the spot and in the moment. You may even surprise yourself by looking more deeply for your true reaction to circumstances or people you encounter. Take care of yourself, and you will be ready to face things authentically with open eyes and heart.

    1. Hi John,
      Its so nice to read about your encounter with patterns…and how you handles them. It just goes to show how simple awareness and positive action can help to make a more fruitful and enriching life.
      Thank you so much for sharing your wonderful thoughts here 🙂

  4. Excellent post Zeenat!

    I think there must be a reason for the repeated pattern of the same mistakes.
    A lesson learned from the past, so we can avoid them in the future.


    1. HI Zuzanna,
      Learning from our mistakes and our distructive patterns is what will eventually break the cycle and make life so much more happier.
      I am glad you liked this post 🙂
      Thank you fro sharing your beautiful thoughts here 🙂

  5. Hey Zeenat,

    great post on recurring patterns. I like this one especially because it relates to me a lot and to some people that I know in life.

    You are right about the fact that we need to develop an awareness that is higher than our automatic mental insanity that could constantly take over us without our notice.

    However, there are so many people who are simply too old to change their habit of thoughts. Even if they do realize what they are doing is damaging their lives and their relationships, it is too late for them to change. It is rather a place of familiarity to them. That somehow, the route to self destruction is a route of predictive results and not unknown factors. It feels safe for them to ruin their days because they know what is going to come.

    It sounds odd, but many people that I’ve talked to know that they are ruining their days yet they refuse to do any differing tasks.

    I hope that many people would break their detrimental patterns and revive the life that they are supposed to have in their existence.

    1. Hi Steven,
      You know youre right..there are many people who are knowing….but still highly unaware! Yes, thats possible. This mind works in mysterious ways. The easier way out is to just know and not act on that knowledge…..and we all know how the easier way is always the preferred! Automatic unawareness=recurring patterns….thats what we all need to treat and heal in this lifetime.
      Thank you for your awesome thoughts here…..oh philosophical one 😉

  6. Hi Zeenat,
    Love to read your post always their is some thing in your post which make me think that some where you are taking about me..Thanks for sharing

    1. Hi Kamran,
      Glad you like the posts 🙂 You know most of us do go through similar situations at some point or the other….hence we can all connect with each others thoughts and feelings. I hope the posts are helpful 🙂
      Thank you for your wonderful comment 🙂

  7. Great post! Recurring patterns can be seen everywhere in our life – in our mind, relationships, daily habits, work place and so on… We work in such a mechanical way in our life, that we hardly notice these patterns emerge. One of the best ways to come out of these is to maintain Awareness in all activities that we do. You made the point very clear.

    1. Hi Vijay,
      Youre right..these patterns are everywhere…we just need to sit up and take notice. Once that happens….we can try to make the change slowly.
      I am glad you liked this post 🙂 Thank you fro sharing your wonderful thoughts 🙂

  8. What a beautiful and important post, Zeenat; thank you for writing it!

    I remember when I was stuck in an unhealthy relationship pattern with a bunch of Mr. Wrong’s. I asked my friend and spiritual mentor why I kept attracting such jerks into my life? Just like you said in your post, I was intelligent, fairly aware, kind and positive. Without skipping a beat he said, “I think it goes back to when your father left at age 10.” My response (very confused and unsure), “HUH?” See, in my conscious mind, I thought I’d made peace with that, but subconsciously I learned I was actually still stuck at age 10, and the ten-year old inside of me kept reliving, over and over, the circumstances of her dad leaving. So every guy I attracted into my life from that point on kept fulfilling my subconscious prophecy of “Oh he’ll just leave anyway. He’s not a lifer.”

    Once I recognized the pattern and its origination, I was able to start reversing it. One thing that helped actually change the energy completely was clearing out any and all energy from my life that wasn’t wholly loving or healthy. That meant ditching old “love letters” from previous boyfriends (some of whom turned out to be jerks!), getting rid of gifts given to me by them that I’d held onto for years, removing artwork they may have made me that decorated my walls, and also breaking final relationship ties with people who no longer served me. Once I cleaned house, so to speak, brand new energy flooded into my life.
    And it was all very, very good.

    Happy Thursday, my beautiful friend!

    1. My Joyful Angel,
      Thank you for sharing such a personal part of life with me. I am sure all who read this comment will surely know with a real example how recurring patterns are in action.
      Isnt it wonderful, that when you let go of all thats unnecessary and destructive…positive energy and love just so beautifully come flowing in…and that too form places you least expected ….Wow…I am so glad you are well on your way my friend 🙂
      Much Love always ~

    1. Hi Anurag,
      Am glad you stopped by to have a read 🙂 And am happier that this post got you thinking…:) Thank you for your lovely comment.

  9. Yes, it is hard not to blame things outside ourselves and to look within. I too thought I was educated and well poised to know that it certainly was not me who contributed to an unhappy relationship.
    HA, it is always us who causes our own life. Once I saw my part though, I could also see his more clearly and opt out.
    Amazing how little we actually know about life, and yes Zeenat, we need to learn and become aware and that is painful too.
    Because it means letting go and to admit you are cause in the matter, oh that certainly is hard. Our ego soooo does not want to take responsibility for what it is causing and until you investigate you ahve no idea what you are doing.
    Oh Z, keep adding to our awareness, until we get it, we are vulnerable to make a mess of life.
    Love Wilma xox.

    1. Dear Wilma,
      What a point you have mentioned in your beautiful comment..EGO…my god isnt it the cause of all things messy??
      Its hard to take responsibility…but believe me once we do make it a habit to take responsibility…it becomes easier to break away form destructive patterns. Just like you and me both opted out of our older destructive relationships.
      Thank you for adding your wisdom to this post. I really appreciate it.
      Much love~

  10. Hi Z! This is such a good post, Zeenat. One that we all need to read and chew on from time to time in our lives. Patterns of behavior or emotional patterns are so easy to get all wound up in, aren’t they? What helped me a lot with seeing them was actually journaling. My own words, when re-read a year later, often shocked me – sometimes a good shock, sometimes not good at all! 😉

    Saying that awareness is all so important in healing is so key! Thank you, as always, for your gentle wisdom!

    1. Darling Suzen,
      I love the journaling idea! I think i am going to start doing that….it does really help. I used to keep a journal when I was single….but since i got married with one small baby..and one big baby(hubby) …it was hard to take out the time. But now that my little baby is growing up..i can squeeze out sometime for journaling.
      I like how you said need to read and chew….my my i had no idea my posts were so tasty 😉
      Much love~

  11. You mean the undeniable pull towards donuts on a daily basis??

    Yes, I totally agree– without awareness we cannot even hope to change.

    Well I must say I certainly had things to work through but am closer to the light than ever. Mine have been mostly been working on patience. Working on not judging. Working on not throwing people off trains. Jannie!! Ever the funster. Silly me.

    And Zeenat– your latest header is simply breath-taking. I just love your little tweaks and tricks here. Is blogging The Best, or what?!


    1. Jannie when you talk about donuts…even i cant resist… 😉 They have been my weakness for so so long !! I crave for them now that i am on a diet…:( So as you see the destructive donuts pattern has been broken…
      Patience and Non Judgment two very important aspects to work on…You know to some extent even i need to work on those…
      Lets both work on them together 🙂
      As for blogging..God i love it. The people the new knowledge of all things blog…just so much funnnnnn…..
      And the best part I have you to share it with…woohoo…..
      Much love

  12. Such wisdom. Such truth. It is the way things are, that we have lessons to be learned and sometimes it takes more than one go around. The key is becoming aware. Awareness leads to all good things.


    1. Hi George,
      Youre so right….we have to fall many times in order to learn and actually recognize those destructive recurring patterns of our life. Awareness comes with practice too…
      I’m glad you liked this post 🙂

  13. Great and instructive Post Z ….. I usually associate reoccurring patterns with the problem solving model . This is our ability to interpret situations, events that affect us where we are able to tune our mind to think and look into the root cause subsequently addressing the problem as needed. Although just applying this in itself can sometimes be hard… But with practise and help it generally yields good results…

    So when I recognised reoccurring patterns I remind myself of problem solving ..***

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  15. One reason many women end up in multiple abusive relationships is that the percentage of men who are controlling and at least mentally if not physically abusive is far larger than most realize.

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