Whenever we read or hear the news of a young girls disappearance or rape, we shudder in our souls. Its only normal to feel compassion for this victim and hate for the perpetrator.
We wonder– How can someone be so cruel? How does someone become such a horrific criminal?Is or was he always like this? Is he like this with his family too? What made him this way?
Most of the time these criminals, are very upstanding members of the society we live in. They look perfect , they act perfect. All in all perfect personalities. But when no ones watching, we know what they can become. These people are choosing to be multiple personalities by choice not by a predetermined psychological condition.
You might think that this person is a criminal with God knows what background…How does this apply to me? I am not like that….
OK then, lets take some real world examples of multiple personalities by choice–
Example 1– Have you ever witnessed a gentleman with cultivated tones and a sensitive attitude, suddenly turn around, snap viciously at his secretary or peon, before turning back to you and resuming his cultivated persona? In that split second his other personality has come out, you have witnessed him do irreparable damage to the hours of build-up he executed for you.
Example 2– You are taking a ride with a friend. She is sweetness personified, chattering away with you – till her driver takes a wrong turn. Then, grrrr! She screams at the driver, questioning his intelligence and berating him. It takes a moment for her ‘ugly’ face to switch back into the pleasant one you know, but a lifetime for you to forget!
Example 3– Your date makes all the right moves, holds open the door, waits for you to be seated before taking a chair himself and makes light, undemanding conversation. Just as you are slipping into a dreamy state, he snaps his fingers for the waiter’s attention, or worse, shouts at him for lazy service! The dream is over even before it began…
The true touchstone of our character is the way we treat those less fortunate than us, not our equals and superiors. It is said a person is judged by how he/she treats the less fortunate. Why is it that we let go of our anger only against those who cannot retaliate? Or, unleash the demons within us when we imagine nobody is looking?
Indeed it is in moments when you feel that nobody who really matters is watching that you emerge in your true colors/personalities. And that is the true test of character – the crux is to behave well when you know you can get away with bad behavior.
Why do a lot of people indulge in deviant behaviour on the net, in cyberspace? It’s because they feel safe as they are unobserved there. How you work when you are not supervised, how you treat your children who cannot or rather, will not retaliate, how you hold up in the face of temptation calls for real strength of character.
Personified Temptation comes in abundance and it is when you still walk the straight and narrow that you truly shine. So, if a woman plays a generous, gracious hostess, but ill-treats her maid and pays disgustingly low wages, what kind of person is she???
How can intentions and character be tested till you have actually been faced with temptation? How can you say you would never ever cheat on your spouse, till the opportunity has presented itself and you have resisted? How can you be really sure that you would never steal till you have been actually left alone with a pot of gold and are totally sure nobody would ever find out if you helped yourself to some of the booty?
If and truly IF you have walked away from temptation once, what’s to say you would be able to do so a second time too?
Why are you squirming in your seat right now? Isn’t it because all those demons within you are kicking at your insides, waiting to be released? Reminding you of all the times when you didn’t act in a manner you would want anybody to know? That is the real you, the one that you let loose when nobody was looking…
The truth is not in the polished hardwood flooring but in the dust that has been swept under the carpet. It’s when the other personality takes over that the real individual emerges. Your strength of spirit as a professional lies in the way you treat your peers and subordinates, not the way you kowtow with the boss. Your worth as a friend and companion is in how honest you are with your friends, not behind their backs.
All of us have multiple personalities – for each other as well as for ourselves. Nothing wrong with that, so long as these personalities dont hurt you or others. There is a good you and a bad you and the struggle between the two is a part of all of us.
The true test of character isn’t in the non-existence of the bad you, but in your ability to identify and correct this part of your personality.
Yes, even when nobody is looking…
Can you???
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*Positive Provocations* 
Hi Zeenat, you went a little deeper than usual and showed us the inner therapist, I like it. Very insightful.
HI Jonathan,
So true….i did dig a bit deeper for this article..somehow cause this topic was close to my heart. Glad you liked the therapist style 🙂
Great post! yes, I do have multiple personalities by choice…It is important to respond to various situations in an appropriate manner. The “choice” part is really important…that we choose how we respond and are not just merely reacting to situations around us…as that would become a “Multiple Personality Disorder”.
HI Vijay,
Yes its CHOICE pure and simple. Our choice to be our-self or what the world expects us to be.
Glad you liked the post 🙂
Wow, I love this article. It’s absolutely true. I was in a car the other day with a new friend I just came to know. Our conversation where enjoyable and she was very polite, until she cursed at the car in front of her for driving so slow. To be fair, the car in front was indeed being really annoying for driving slow on a third lane. And we happen to be late for a movie. Nevertheless, her image of being a polite lady was ruined at that point..
Hey Karlil,
Wow…your friend sounds like and interesting gal 😉
It just takes one split second for that weird change isnt it…human mind is fascinating to say the least…:)
Everyone has a slight variation to their personality/charactor depending on the situation/person they are with.
How a person acts and reacts in a work situation or with their work peers can be very different to how a person would act or react whilst in social situations with family or friends.
People who may ‘snap’ or are ‘rude’ to waiters, shop keepers, taxi drivers etc are simply ‘ignorant’. Perhaps due in part to their social upbringing and enviroment.
Belief and value systems either personal or family connected will determine a persons personality in the ‘outside’ world.
HI aclambart,
I agree it is thier upbringing…but i also believe that with upbringing we shouldnt forget to use our own understanding and power of thought…..if we know whats right…then we should do that..instead of what hurtful to ourself and to others.
Ha! I love this! It’s how I decide WHICH thoughts (voices in my head) to act upon… the ones that don’t hurt me or anyone else.
You know, this is an eerily similar theme to the current post at Serene Journey (about shades of Grey). Sherri’s post is more from the angle of how we judge those people you used in your examples, based on a moment in time. So I kind of feel like I’m getting to see all sides of this phenomenon at once today.
Awesome!
HI LIsis,
I know..those voices int he head can be very naughty some times 🙂
I am going to go and check out Shrris post…I’m sure it will be great..and will extend my understanding on the subject further.
Lots of love 🙂
I think it is important to do one’s best as much as one is able. It is equally important to remember that we are not perfect. Nor should we expect perfection from others, or put them on a pedestal, nor for that matter always assume the worst. Making mistakes is how we grow and learn, and if we are paralyzed in fear of making a mistake (or sometimes with guilt which we should have long-ago dispensed with), we will whither and atrophy. It is a good impulse to strive to embody one’s values, but I’m recalling the old saying (if I remember this correctly) a man never crosses the same river twice-he is never the same man, and it is never the same river. Multiply that by the population of the planet for extra confusion! Also it should be considered that often people only wish to have a simplistic understanding of those they encounter, which can sometimes lead to stereotypical thinking/interpretation, and possibly lead to worse outcomes. Be careful projecting your expectations or impressions onto others. Acceptance and open communication can be very helpful when others challenge us such as in the scenarios you have outlined in the blog post. Try to relax, ask questions and share your concerns. Keep challenging us Zeenat!
Hey JOhn,
Youre such a wise guy 🙂 Such wonderful and insightful words on the subject…wow!
Youre so right ..we dont ever cross the same river twice…its how we cross each and every situation every step of the way that counts. And yes acceptance and open communication works best.
But John sometimes being open with our-self and accepting our own mistakes is the hardest thing to do. But once the realization hit…there’s no looking back…
Finally all what you do within yourself ..you have to live with…the good the bad and the beautiful and the ugly…
Glad this post challenged you John…glad you liked it 🙂
Wow! so deep!
I’m still in awe of this article.
You brought out some amazing thoughts of how what you do today can come back at some point to haunt us.
Hey Bunny,
I hope you didnt drown in the depth of this article 😉
Some how everything we do does have the innate ability come and bite us in the future…so take every step thoughtfully…yes even when youre all alone 🙂
Glad you liked the article 🙂
xoxox
Hi Zeenat.
Yes be gentle on yourself when you find a darker side and observe and correct. They then do come less frequently and it is all about who is perfect throw the first stone, ha.
HI Wilma,
Ohhh being gentle….now thats sound advice. Something we all need to hear. We often start getting angry when we suddenly realize we arent all that good….
Yes noone is perfect……the beauty of life is to learn every step of the way 🙂
Thank you for your insightful comment…you always say just the perfect thing in very few words…great writing talent 🙂
Hey Zeenat,
I believe that those “multiple” personalities are learned throughout our lives. You can learn to be angry and vicious towards a certain aspect or situation in your life where others may find completely fine.
I truly think that everything that we are doing now is heavily influenced by what we’ve experienced before. Therefore if a man rapes a woman, there is a reason for him to do so. I am not trying to justify his actions, but only saying that his reason was generated through external influence from his environment during the past.
Does everyone rape and murder? No. Does everyone get extremely angry at the exact same thing? No. Meaning everybody has a unique design of a perception within that is constantly being molded by the environment they live in.
However, like I’ve said before, who we are as an individual lies beneath our perception and our educated personalities.
But I guess the true question is, underneath all this junk formed by our environment, is the true nature of human beings detrimental or beneficial?
Thank you Zeenat, you always bring the philosophical Steven out. Time to relax and go back to the silly Steven. 🙂
Hey Steven,
Youre right that not everyone perceives everything the same way…each have their own way of thinking and reacting..But its this thinking and reacting…that only you yourself know about YOU…Can you under the personalities(which are highly influenced by experiences) you portray, be True to YOURSELF when you are ALONE. If you can be truthful first with yourself….you will automatically be the same with others..but if you are in the illusion that you are Perfect and dont need to change….then well thats what you will portray..different personalities…each time a different one for a different situation.
Zeenat, you’ve hit on the heart of many a matter. I’ve often thought to myself many people do have two personalities–the public persona and the private.
For me, the truest test is how we behave when alone and no one but God is watching, or what we feel in the core of us.
No one is sub-standard to me, no one.
Karen
HI Karen,
Youre right….what we do in our solitude is just between us and God…and that is indeed the true test of our character..all the others are just personas we put on to fit in.
Thank you fro this lovely and insightful comment 🙂
Hope all is well…me praying 🙂
Hmmm…so true! You have brought up excellent points. Don’t most of us find it easier to be kind to someone else and not one of their family members? Having said that, let us also not be too hard on ourselves. The important thing is to be aware of what we are doing – in the public or private – and to bring about greater alignment to our true nature.
Hi Evelyn,
Youre so right…the main thing we need to do to get over this multiple personality trait within us is Truly BE AWARE …and yes everything else will just align ..
Thank you for your lovely comment 🙂
That’s funny, because I was just reading about a woman who, among the three attributes she looks for in a potential mate, included, “Is nice to waiters/waitresses.” I so agree!
I’ve seen this type of behavior in others, and realize I can “see” it in them because it also exists in me. I just do my best not to act it out. I’m very cautious these days, especially, of so-called spiritual people who talk about how life is all about love, but then badmouth others, themselves, or a particular thing. Yikes!
Thank you for writing this, Zeenat. I loved the topic, and can I just say again how much I love love love your new site design?!! It’s simply gorgeous and makes me happy every time I visit.
Love & joy to you!
Oh My Joyful Angel,
Please dont be too hard on yourself. Its one thing to think badly ..and its another to act upon it. And knowing you..i dont think you can be as nasty as some of the people I have seen…..trust me…!!
But youre right….there are these so called PEOPLE who say something..or rather preach something..and are actually the total opposite ….such a classic case of multiple personality by choice !
Yay…you like the design…me happy 🙂 My offer to help you set up your wordpress.com blog still stands..you can take me up on it anytime 🙂
Lots of love and joy and big hugs to you too..:)
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Very nice writing and explanations of how we all have personality shifts and are not consistent in our behaviors.
I very much liked your examples as I was expecting someone who had done a horrific crime only to see it was everyday escapes of behavior lapses.
Thank you for you keen observation and explanation. I appreciate your thoughtfulness
Hi Patricia,
Glad you liked the details on the personality aspect.
I just felt the need to write about this cause..people in general like to live in this fantasy land where they think they are always right…hence the little nudge to look a little deeper within…
Thank you for your lovely comment 🙂
powerful Zeenat…and true. Not sadly true, exactly, just true. We must decide in each moment how to behave in the world…our thoughts arise, but our actions are in our control…unless of course someone truly has a brain disorder that causes irrational behaviour, that’s different…but for most of us it is a CHOICE. And part of this too, I think is learning to see these “ugly” parts of ourselves, embrace them as part of our wholeness-because we all have meanness inside of us at times….that is natural… but as you teach, the key is to choose not to act out to harm others or ourselves.
gentle steps,
laura
Hi Laura,
So glad you liked this post 🙂
The need for us to look within and realize we are not all perfect all the time…and the need to correct our behaviors inside out….was what lead me to write about this.
Thank you fro your lovely comment 🙂
Hi Zeenat,
This was an awesome post in every way. Good for you for bringing up this issue and for being so direct and open.
Prior to embarking on a spiritual path, I used to struggle with different aspects of myself. But when spirituality entered my life and I began to do all the inner work that was necessary, those edges began to disappear and now things are much more fluid. I truly feel that what causes people to have so many different aspects to themselves is a lack of harmony and inner peace.
None of us are perfect. Compassion is what we should live by and not anger. Anger never does anything except promote more anger. When someone is at peace with who they are (and that includes their good and not so good points), they are more inclined to treat others better.
HI Nadia,
Youre so right..about when spirituality enters our lives….it truly does change so many perspectives…and make everything so much more clearer. And Compassion towards ourselves and towards others is indeed the key to bringing about peace and harmony in all aspects of our lives.
Zeenat — I loved it when you said, “Are you squirming in your seat right now?” Because I certainly was.
There was a time when I didn’t always “behave” well. I got angry at stupid stuff…a car turning out in front of me, a slow waiter, etc. I’ve really worked hard to try to change this attitude and I am getting better…not perfect, but definitely better. I have to really pay attention to what’s causing me to feel annoyed or angry and deal with my issues, rather than blame someone else.
So, if someone turns out in front of me, maybe I just need to slow down. Thanks for this good reminder:~)
HI Sara,
So you were squirming eh 😉
Slowing down and listening to your own thoughts works best. BUt yes its proces..and we are not aiming for perfection, just growth and development…right 🙂
Glad you liked it 🙂
Hi Zeenat – I love the examples you used. The way folk treat waiters definitely tells you a lot about them.
Personality shifts are interesting. When someone loses their cool – it’s easy to imagine a multitude of causes. But when they can switch from one personality to another in an instant – it definitely seems more calculated.
HI Cath,
Sometimes it can be calculated yes…but most of the times its involuntary.cause they dont even know their actions are hurting the other person. ….they are only thinking about personal gain..by saving their own face..by hiding behind those personalities.
I am glad you enjoyed the examples.
Thank you for your lovely comment 🙂
I think if our parents were a bit “wacky” we will probably be too, due more to nurture than nature i think. I have really had to work on being calm, and I’ve actually gotten there (most of the time.)
But it I snap at my child or husband I apologize. No one is perfect. As Evelyn says… being aware is key.
HI Jannie,
I am the same…I end up snapping easily when I am going through PMS mostly….I tell my hubby to bare with me…and stock up on comfort food….I can be a very weird gal during those PMS days. But yes./.now that i am more aware..I just quieten down…I rather not communicate..than communicate to hurt..right 🙂
Being aware…truly truly works.
HI Zeenat. My compliments on the positive attitude and spreading peace and joy. I agree with your article that we MUST be nice to all people in all walks of life but I also think it takes dedication.
I look at my children who are Christ’s eyes so beautiful and sweet. They have learned to yell because I have lost my patience with them. I have learned that if I want to spread love and joy I must practice daily with being kind. I cannot do it on my own as I need the help of my husband, my community, God and my family. I need the support of people around me.
The biggest positive change in my life came when I could no longer see myself in the mirror after losing my patience with my children. I knew something was not right so I did the most miraculous of things. I made a DECISION to change. I started with yoga and then eating well and taking care of myself. It has been a slow change but the results are outstanding. I have changed by dedication to living a better life, reading, learning, modeling good behavior. I do simple things like counting to ten, or not opening my mouth, or deep breathing. It all helps.
Have a great day and thank you.
Julie
jangelos.wordpress.com
Hi Julie,
Its nice to see you here…and am happy you liked this post..and my humble blog. Positivity is my motto in life..so this blog was a given.. 🙂
Like youre children I have a little daughter too. And I do see the almighty in her eyes. Sometimes in between all her tantrums i forget…but then quickly catch myself before i lapse.
It so courageous of you to take the decision and go through with it. It isnt easy …but youre a better person for it for sure 🙂
Your personality and how you react is YOUR choice only!
Thank you fro sharing your thoughts here.
Lots of love
Zeenat.