Forgive YourSELF and Heal

On By Zeenat Merchant Syal|PositiveProvocations.comIn Mind, Heart& Soul-Motivation&Inspiration

Being offline for so long I often wondered what was happening in my absence. I so wanted to be part of everything but Life had better plans for me. It’s not that I didn’t miss all my online friends, connections and literally my online life…oh cause I did miss it so much. But, shifting home to another State isn’t an easy task. Packing-moving-the transit-the waiting for the movers in my new home- the setting everything – the tiredness- the keeping a hyper active 3 year old happy….its quite an experience and one I wouldn’t trade for anything.

Everytime we move(which we do quite often) I have the greatest opportunity to declutter. My hubby and I are on the road to simplifying our life and getting closer to a more natural human state of being. This literally means less STUFF! Yes, stuff…material possessions. Once the packers have packed everything and we count the pieces, we almost always smile wide at each other cause the boxes seem to reduce everytime. I consider that a pat on our back because then it really means that we are on the right track of simplification.

I am not one of those people who plan their every move. I just cant live that way. I prefer going with the flow or rather going with my heart. In doing so, sometimes I make mistakes. I never said I was perfect, nor do I aspire to be perfect. But, somehow we have all been hardwired to be that way isn’t it? From the time you think you start to understand or comprehend life, we are fed the perfectionism myth. The perfect look, the perfect body, the perfect scores in academics, the perfect set of friends. …Anything remotely less than perfect is just not acceptable. I grew up in a time when if you didn’t have the right look, the perfect high marks in academics, you were considered a lost cause. Its only when I grew up {Ok maybe I do refuse to still actually grow up 😉 } , did I realize that Its not how much you score, or how perfect everything in you or around you is that matters…. What matters is just already right there…its our own true self. IN fulfilling the qualms of society and its perfectionism attitude we do often forget what we truly are. We are living lives we are supposed to, but not lives we want to.

How many of us can look at ourself in the mirror today and say with utmost belief- YES, I AM HAPPY! That too with glee and a skip in our heart and step…????

If you can then You are on the right track….but if you cant, then there are two reasons for that:

  1. Hard Wired Perfectionism
  2. The inability to forgive YOURSELF

Coincidentally both these reasons are intertwined and go hand in hand.

Try and think about your life, and analyze where you are automatically falling into the trap of perfectionism. See how you look or try to look-is it for your happiness or for society’s. See how you eat, drink, talk, play, Live….is it for your happiness or for that of others who expect a certain something from you? You will find the answer yourself.

In living or trying to live the perfect life for so long, haven’t you held yourself responsible for so many things that have not gone right in your life? I know I was living under that very cloud for far too long. I just couldn’t forgive myself for my imperfections.

What helped me is simplification. It had the most positive impact on my life and my being.

When I talk about simplifying I am not just talking about material possessions, I am talking about those emotional possessions, those emotional scars we give ourselves, every time something doesn’t go according to plan or according to our expectations. Be it in relationships, family, work…..We hold on to those scars, till they become so deep that they hurt at every turn of our life. They hinder in your emotional growth.

You need only keep the happy and positive emotional possessions and permanently do away with the negative and painful possessions. I know, its not easy. But its not impossible.

The first step is to simplify yourself physically and emotionally only then will you quite literally feel yourself healing towards a more happy and positive YOU. It’s one of the best decision you will make….I talk from personal experience.

There is only so much you can do and so much you can hurt…..Forgive yourself and heal.

Today as I type this and look out of the new window of my new home, all I see is green and all I smell is the fragrance of the clean air coming through and through my home. And today as I look into the window of my soul, the window to myself….all I see is light, love and happiness, the best emotional possessions which make me rich and fulfilled. What more can I ask for?

What do you see when you look through the window of your soul? Are there a lot of negative emotional possessions? Or have you been able to forgive yourself..?? Please share your thoughts in the comments below. I would love to hear from you.

p.s. I missed you all sooooooooooo…much. This blog is my little window to your souls…..please feel free to share and reach out. I also want to apologize for not being able to send out the June Newsletter…I was in transit and had no access to the internet. But the July Newsletter will be dot on time 🙂  Also, to all the lovely beautiful people who emailed, tweeted and messaged me on facebook…I will reply to you as soon as possible. I am now online and here to help. Hugs…

With Immense Love and Gratitude,
~Zeenat~

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45 thoughts on “Forgive YourSELF and Heal”

  1. Hi Zeenat, forgiveness has been difficult for me, but I’ve learnt to be an impartial observer of myself and my actions, and I’m finding some peace. My heart aches, but it has purpose. Welcome back. Love to you and family, Simon

    1. HI Simon,
      Impartial observation is an acquired skill…and a very difficult one at that too. I am so glad you have found a way to work around forgiving yourself. Peace and happiness will just follow 🙂
      Thank you fro your lovely comment here and for the loving welcome. Appreciate it.
      Much Love~

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  5. Hi Zeenat .. good to see you again .. and I’m sure I’ll be feeling refreshed in a few weeks once I ‘ve moved, finished decluttering and then I can let go of many things, and be in a good place to move forward – I am looking forward .. while trying to remain focused on what I need to do before 2 weeks is up ..

    Glad all is well – green out of the windows – how wonderful .. welcome back – Hilary

    1. Hi HIlary,
      Its so lovely to see you here after so long. I so missed you… 🙂
      And youre moving too…wow…its seems like so many of us are moving and decluttering. All the better… 🙂
      And the green is so calming….my new home is lovely.
      Thank you fro your beautiful comment here Hilary and for the warm welcome 🙂
      Much Love~

    1. HI Uzma,
      We can simply from and emotional place. And thats the best kind of simplification ever.
      I am glad this post helped you to learn something new about yourself and you healing. That way you can help others heal better 🙂
      Thank you for your lovely comment.
      Much Love~

  7. Zeenat, I’m glad you took the time you needed to settle, but I also missed you! So glad you are back. It’s amazing how you have interwoven the ‘different’ themes of perfectionism, forgiving yourself, and letting go of excess baggage, physical and emotional, in this article. These are challenges for me, but I know I am moving in the right direction step-by-step and have a commitment to letting go and letting be. I appreciate your continued encouragement of positivity.

    1. HI Sandra,
      Letting go is far easier than letting be….Cause in all honesty is you havent truly let go..you cant let it be. Its the right intention and some practice…but it can be done. I’m so glad youre on the same path 🙂
      I missed you too….And I love what you did with your blogs theme…looks serene.
      Much Love~

  8. We are not moving, but we are changing states of being with the third child finally in a career job and able to pay her way. Now we are working on getting caught up and changing a bustling family home into a cozy spot for two – with visitors 🙂

    I have just finished shredding a box of old documents of my mother’s (gone for 3 years now) I have a small stack of folders that I don’t know what to do with…who will keep those family records items???

    I have to say to myself, I am doing the very best job with the information that I have at this time. I still do not always know the right thing to do, but I forgive myself and am thankful a huge stack of papers in now a small stack.

    Very nice article…you were missed

    1. HI Patricia,
      Youre so strong and sensible to be able to forgive yourself…We all make mistakes…the thing is we should learn from them, rather than sulk and brood over them. I’m glad you are healing just fine….the fewer the physical possessions the fewer the emotional ones 🙂
      So nice to read your thoughts here Patricia. Thank you for sharing.
      Missed you too 🙂
      Much Love~

  9. Hi Z, welcome back and green surrounds sounds lovely. Declutter of even material stuff is happening in my mind also. Often I do not dare to throw things away because out of fear that I might need it again. Letting go obviously matters there for me as well as with forgiveness and letting go about mental things from the past. I have decluttered big time over the years but there is always more, even if you think you do not have much.
    I agree though, nothing better than moving often to declutter. xox Wilma

    1. HI Wilma,
      When it comes to material possessions..you sound like my mum. She just couldnt throw away anything..and almost always found a reason to keep it. One day, I just put my foot down..and told her we just have to give that excessive stuff away…she was pretty upset with me then…but now after a taste of the freedom that comes from letting go…she can clean and declutter even my house(which has very little clutter). She just has so much fun doing it now…i’m amazed she is the same person who would even save a piece of old paper with some odd phn number on it…saying it might be useful….
      I have noticed that the lesser the physical possessions you have the emotional possessions somehow automatically find a way to diminish.
      I missed you so much. Thank you for your beautiful comment here Wilma 🙂
      Much love~

  10. Hi Zeenat,

    As usual, you write such beautiful posts… Thank you for such a lovely return post!

    Welcome back. I missed you 🙂

    Best,
    Dorlee

  11. Hi Z,
    Welcome back!!! big …
    As you declutter with material, the ramifications echo throughout your life, also releasing clutter on other levels…all so intertwined..
    Awe-some post! For so long I didn’t even know I was holding onto not being able to forgive myself…I could genuinely love unconditionally and forgive others, apply grace to their paths, but not to myself or my own..then one day I looked in the mirror and said I love you…as I walked on the beach daily, I applied forgiveness and grace to myself..and now shoot now the sky is the limit…I am living in peace filled bliss…only took my entire life to get here:)

    1. HI Joy,
      I know what you mean joy….we often dont even know how much emotional clutter we are carrying until it actually becomes so intertwined with our daily life…..and negatively at that too.
      Oh…and Your saying I love you to yourself…now that a breakthrough my dear. I love that youre living in bliss….may you attain all you want and more….and the best part this only the beginning of the rest of your life 🙂
      So nice to see you here ..missed you..
      Much Love~

  12. Going simple is like being reborn again! There’s a beautiful quote:
    “Be Content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize nothing is lacking, the whole World belongs to you.” Lao Tzu

  13. Beautiful post, one I can really use since I’m an awful perfectionist. Glad you’re back and hope you’re happy in your new home!

    1. HI Lisa,
      You are a perfectionist hmmm…..I can surely say this post will help you immensely if you can truly let go of the emotional clutter..just as you do away with the physical one…and might i say youre perfect at that 🙂
      Thank you fro your beautiful comment here Lisa 🙂
      Much Love~

  14. Welcome back and I’m glad the move went well – your new view sounds amazing!

    ‘Emotional possessions’ is such a great phrase, it reminds me that these memories and emotions we cart around are not part of our make up – they are things we aquire, things which can be discarded with no ill effects. While guilt etc cannot be taken to the charity shop with the contents of the garage, they can be dropped and the freedom we feel when they are is immense.

    Many thanks,
    Kate

    1. Hi Kate,
      I know ..the view makes me think better too…green is always calming na.. 🙂
      You have summed up emotional possessions so beautifully Kate. I agree with you completely…the negative emotions are not really part of our natural make up…letting go and discarding them can actually deliver freedom from all corners. We just need to be open to it…and learn to travel lite hmm 🙂
      Thank you for your beautiful thoughts here.
      Much Love~

  15. Zeenat – missed U…
    responding to the piece of your post that talks about looking at yourself, your life, honestly and can you say “I’m Happy”! I remember the summer before my husband died, just before I got out of bed. He was downstairs drinking coffee. I remember so vividly just lying there and smiling. I said to myself: * I am happy, I am just so happy! And I had never said that before or since he died. It seems to me at present, I might not find that again.

    1. HI Arlene (spirit2go),
      I just know, that you can still be happy. Infact you are happy..you just havent been able to tap into it as yet, cause youre still carrying the pain of the loss of your husband. While the loss can never be replaced, the pain can. Think of only the happy times…and move ahead. See how much this healing process will make you blossom into the happiest YOU you have ever know. You just need to be open to it. If it helps…I wrote a post last month on ‘How to Positively cope with the loss of a loved one’…its a very personal account of how i healed after the sudden loss of my brother and best friend.
      And if you ever need to talk, vent ….you know you can email me anytime. I’m here.
      Big Hug and Much Love~

  16. Hi Zeenat, it’s so nice to have you back. There is much personal power in the ability to let go. This applies to every aspect of life. When we think of personal growth we tend to think of gaining new skills and perspectives, but learning to let go of things that don’t serve us is just as important. Thanks for sharing yourself.

    1. HI JOnathan,
      I agree with you a 100% . Its not only liberating to let go of negative emotional clutter, but highly powerful as well. It just goes to show how much negativity can truly hold you down.
      Its really great to be back J!
      Thank you fro you beautiful thoughts here 🙂
      Much Love~

  17. Hi Zeenat,

    Welcome back to the online world. It is nice to see your posts again.

    I have been able to eliminate some of my emotional possessions in the past few months and every time I do, I can feel my world get brighter and brighter. I still have plenty of unhelpful thoughts to unload, but I get stronger with each revelation. Sometimes I sit back and marvel at how many years I carried certain negative thoughts around with me.

    1. Hi Laura, Thank you fro the warm welcome :)Its lovely to see you here too 🙂
      You know we often dont even realize how much these negative thoughts are wearing us down, til we actually stop to take a look at our thinking pattern. But once we realize, then the healing has become. There is not turning back then. I’m glad you are healing 🙂
      Thank you for sharing your wonderful thoughts here.
      Much Love~

  18. well, I always looked for the perfect life, probably thats y i was never happy and added to that I also held onto the scars of the past… I chose to get over them a few months back and I got a huge burden off my shoulders… there is also another reason I feel causes unhappiness, it’s when u make ur happiness dependent on the people you love… i know it for a fact that when people at home are not happy, i cant be happy too… and it gets even worse when their happiness is dependent on u… the cycle of unhappiness that needs to be broken….

    anyways welcome back Zeenat… good to c u back in action 🙂

    1. HI Tavish,
      You know everything has a chain reaction. What youre experiencing is just that. Letting go of negatives starts a positive chain reaction and thus leading to drastic emotional healing.
      I knwo you are trying…and its ok to get caught up sometimes. BUt so long as you know you are trying…you are already well on your way to heal and make a positive impact on the world and those around you.
      Thank you fro the warm welcome 🙂 So good to be back.
      Much Love~

  19. Megan "JoyGirl!" Bord

    Beautiful Zeenat! I’m so happy to see you back and read your posts! I wish you many blessings in your new home, and of course, lots of love.

    I’ve been using the Ho’oponopono method lately and it feels so good. I repeat it over and over when I’m falling asleep, or running, or driving, or standing in line somewhere. “I love you. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you.” I believe I’m saying it to myself so that I can heal whatever parts of me prevent me from seeing the world completely & thoroughly with love.

    Huge hug!

    1. HI My joyful Angel,
      Oh my that method is just perfect..and works all the time. Positive reinforcement works so beautifully on all level of our being.
      Love is truly all divine 🙂
      Thank you for stopping by and sharing your beautiful love and thoughts.
      Much Love and huge Hugs~

  20. I’ve just discovered your blog and wanted to say I feel the love and light that you are transmitting! Thank you for your love.

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  22. Amelia

    Zeenat, thank you for this article. I consider myself a recovering perfectionist! The emotional scars life leaves us with are often deep, but nothing is impossible. The first active step for me has been to stop complicating my life beyond what is necessary! Simplification is a long process, but is so liberating when done in moderation. Thanks for your insight and encouragement.

    1. HI Amelia,
      I’m glad you are on the road to simplification..a very satisfying road indeed. It takes courage and patience…and when you come out on the other side..you will feel light enough to fly 🙂
      Thank you for your beautiful comment here. Appreciate it.
      Much Love~

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  24. farhan

    Assalamualaikum,kak zeenat.i’m accidently found your blogs while im doing my research for articles which contains a lot of fallacies-4 my critical thinking subject..such a headache..!i’m really interested in your motivational writings.i want to ask a question,feels free to answer my question when ur free-ho we manage to beat our own self-inferior?i always feels pressure n weak that i’ve to face this world which contain with so much people who are intelligent,skillful,etc..how im gonna to build my confidence that i also can do the same things as other people can?i’ve tried but it don’t happen in the way that i want..

  25. garima

    hey zeenat! read your articles they are great. they are really. its just that i am not currently going through a very good phase of my life. i agree that we should learn from our mistakes and its the lesson we should move on with and not the mistake. but i was wondering if someone could just tell me how do i know what the lesson is? i dont want to think about what has happened because i have thought about it a zillion times and cannot come out with anything. so right now i am just trying to put all the theories together and just move on.

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