To Build A Vibrant Relationship

Do you want to know how to build vibrant positive relationships? If yes, read on…
Often, I receive questions by email asking for advice on particular situations. This week when I received one such question, I thought the answer would be beneficial to more people that just the person who asked the question. With the permission of the reader(who sent this question), I am posting the question and the answer below.

Question: My Friend has been made my immediate boss. I must admit that it’s pulling me down a bit. Not a feeling I like. How do I deal with this situation Positively? I don’t understand why I could be feeling like this.

Answer: Whats it that’s getting to you? Your inability to deal with the fact that your friend has become your boss? Or the behavior of your friend(which may have changed), that you find strange? You need to deal with each one differently.
If its the former, you need to understand that the source of this negative energy is the way in which you are looking at the situation. Could you be thinking that you deserved it more? Or feeling low that this friend will now get more respect and adulation than you? All experiences of life can make us either bitter or help us get better. You can use this situation as inspiration and motivation to acquire new skills and produce outstanding results, so you too can get promoted. If you hold on this thought and work on it, it will raise your energy levels. Also remember, your friend becoming your immediate boss may have its advantages and disadvantages. Focus on the advantages it may bring in terms of extra openness and acceptance of your ideas, more sensitivity to your personal needs, more value as a team member. This will create more vibrancy and energy to focus on what you need to do.
For the latter, bear in mind that being a new boss, your friend will need to project a certain image and work towards producing some results. This may  not leave him/her with enough time for friendly conversations near the water cooler. He/she may suddenly become unpleasant simply because of pressure. Try to understand the reasons why he/she is behaving that way. This will build understanding and sensitivity in your relationship with him/her.

Here are some Tips To Build A Vibrant Relationship:

  • Respect and understand your friends role and limitations as a new boss.
  • Ignore worrisome behavior a few times but if you see a pattern, discuss it patiently and gently.
  • Decide on behaviors you both need to follow. Accept and adhere to them.
  • Do not bring emotions in when discussing work or worries. Be professional in your approach at work at all times.

Good Luck! I hope these tips ease your mind and positively help you in your current situation.

Special Note to all readers: Do you have a question or a problem you want the answer to? Drop me a line. I am here for your help and healing.

with love Zeenat

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18 thoughts on “To Build A Vibrant Relationship

  1. Hi Zeenat,

    You definitely gave some wonderful advice. I would also add that sometimes that best thing to do is to talk with the other person about what is happening. So often people assume certain things and ignore or avoid discussing the issue. Of course, it is key that when discussing the issue both parties need to be open-minded and not sound judgmental.

    It is amazing how often people avoid talking to one another when there is an issue or problem.

    Best wishes to the person who asked this question and to you too! 🙂

  2. Zeenat,

    A very interesting post, where you’ve been posed with an equally interesting question! I agree with Nadia, you’ve answered it with some great advice.

    However, I could help wonder why the person is really concerned. I know we’re only human and not very perfect but we have no control over others, what they do or eventually decide to do. Is it not true that all we can really do is be ourselves and continue to improve for the betterment of our person; to be in a position to serve others. Friendships will remain whatever happens! I understand their position and I’m not saying I wouldn’t feel similar.

    Just a few thoughts. Thank you for sharing this question and your response.



  3. Not an easy situation to be in. It would be tough for me as well. I’m wondering if she is feeling unworthy because of her friends new position. What issues can be coming up with her friend in this position and who or what is this reminding her of from the past.

    I usually journal or do “the work” by Byron Katie when something like this happens to me.
    What story are you telling yourself about the situation. Drop the story.

  4. Relating to friends or lovers, or anyone for that matter, in an unconditional manner is easier to speak of than to practice. If we genuinely loved a person, be they a friend or a spouse, then we would celebrate their successes.

    These events provide us with a powerful opportunity to examine how we define friendship and love. This could be a catalyst for further growth or a confirmation of limitation. The choice as always, is ours to make.


  5. I agree with your original advice Zeenat. As well as that of your readers. I would also add that perhaps Ego is involved. A friendship is based on the feeling of “equal”, so perhaps when one was made “boss” the other felt subservient and allowed these feelings to filter in to the friendship. There was an external shift which then affected the interal connection. Nadia is right on–the two need to communicate, to deal with this change and allow their friendship to unfold to accomodate this new level. Much luck to both…..

  6. Hey Zee,

    Superb advice. I have actually been in that situation in the past, people getting promoted above me and t’s not an easy thing to deal with.

    I’d also add, pay attention to where attention is going.

    Missed your blogs Zee! 🙂 x

  7. Hi Z! I’ve actually been on BOTH ends of the scenario back in the day. Hindsight is a beautiful thing! Haha! Both positions sucked! I agree with Joy that ego is definitely presenting itself here. I’m sure Eckart Tolle’s books are in order. You can talk to people til you are blue in the face but when ego is busy manipulating your emotions, your heart and mind are not in the right place. I sure wish I could take this back into the past scenarios and get a do-over! ha! Wouldn’t that ever change things! 🙂

  8. Beautiful Zeenat! What wonderful advice you shared here.

    Our relationships with others are where everything is AT, as far as I’m concerned. As you said, they either bring out our best, or highlight what needs healing.

    I think it’s important to point out, too, that the person who asked the question needs to be gentle with himself/herself in feeling whatever it is they’re feeling. I know that there are times I beat myself up by thinking, “I shouldn’t be feeling XYZ emotion toward that person. Wow, why can’t I overcome it?!” Truth be told, though, we’re human and humans are wired to both love and dislike; to grow and recede.

    I’m also a big believer in karma (past life contracts we have with those we encounter in this lifetime), and sometimes if I can’t get myself past ill-at-ease feelings I have toward another, I chalk it up to our karma playing out. It’s all good!

    Big hugs to you, and gosh, your advice is truly wonderful. We’re so lucky to have you here!

  9. Hi Zeenat,
    thank you for posting your reply to your reader’s question. I am fortunate to work from home where I do not fall victim to any corporate changes and my friends are just my friends and not my colleagues.
    I think that having any type of business relationships with your friends or close relatives is always tough. Business and friendship are two completely different areas that require absolutely different rules of behavior and communication. The advice that you’ve shared is great and I think that it can help a lot of people. I don’t have anything else to say because you’ve said it all already 🙂

  10. Dear Zeenat, this is very solid advice you’ve given us here. Thank you for addressing this situation that’s all too common.

    I have been in the opposite situation as the person who became my friend’s boss. It certainly changed the dynamic of our friendship which eventually fizzled sadly.

    Having only one person invested in saving the friendship doesn’t work. It’s critical that both individuals are willing to pay attention to both the importance of the work as well as the friendship without falling prey to misperceptions and false interpretations of facts, motives and emotions.

    When we subscribe to false hierarchies, or believe that professional hierarchies add to or decrease from our worth as individuals, then we’ve fallen into a human-made trap. We’re all equals no matter what judgments we make based on our taditional definitions of success/failure.

  11. Grt advised and you have looked at both sides of the coin for this reader. Obviously it’s not one of the best situations to be in. I am certain that provided tips are taken fully into consideration the reader will back think it all…… as a Positive Provocation situation 🙂

  12. Hello there,
    You hit the nail on the head. It’s not the change in the relationship from friend to boss that’s the problem. It’s the co-worker and friends’ perception and projection of hierarchical structure that’s problematic.

    I have been in the position of being promoted and having a co-worker who was a friend respond with angst like the one you refer to. The very fact that she thought she had something to deal with amazed me.

    In the final analysis it was her perceptions and projections based on jealousy and a desire to control what she couldn’t control that destroyed the friendship that had previously existed between us. As Belinda sagely pointed out buying into false hierarchies and: “Having only one person invested in saving the friendship doesn’t work. “

  13. Hi Zeenat! Wonderful post, thanks for sharing it. In addition to your great post, I think that in order to create a vibrant relationship with others, a person has to furst identify what’s most important to him. It would help if a person get to know himself well enough to appreciate who he is. I think that the best way to discover one’s self is to find out what’s the most important to him. Loving and accepting one’s self is the first step to creating a vibrant relationship with others. This will make it much easier to experience the mutual respect and consideration one’s desire.

  14. Hi Zeenat, you gave some sterling advice here and it’s difficult giving advice in writing, it would be better to speak to your reader over the phone or in person.

    I have been in a similar situation where my friend was promoted but I saw it from his side and really was happy for him.

  15. What wonderful practical advice, Zeenat, that should beget insights that will be so helpful to your questioner. John’s answer takes it a step farther—straight into simplicity. The bottom line is that all our actions (whether reactions or responses) are either fear- or love-based. If we simply focus on love—the quality of it, what it feels like in any situation, what practicing it means—then all else becomes moot and just falls away. Love is all we need to know. And then we reach for it. It truly does heal.

  16. Dearest Everyone,
    Thank you all for your wonderful comments and advice. You all have added so much to this answer, that the person who asked this question told me to thank you all. He said “I felt like, I can now handle the situation for every angle.”
    Isnt that the best way to handle a situation positively…
    Thank you all for your valuable contribution to this post 🙂
    Much Love and gratitude,

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