“The real difficulty is to overcome how you think about yourself.” ~ Maya Angelou

Do you tend to be your own worst critic? Do you judge yourself harshly? Do you blame yourself for anything and everything that goes wrong?

Firstly, let me clarify that its good and healthy to hold yourself accountable, but self-compassion, kindness and gentleness with yourself is a necessity for mental health and healing as well. Let me offer you some tried and tested ways to practice being Kind and Gentle with Yourself…

Healing through treating yourself with Kindness

“When we give ourselves compassion, we are opening our hearts in a way that can transform our lives.” ~ Kristin Neff

People often assume that the best way to motivate yourself is to keep on being self-critical with yourself. That could not be further from the truth. Unfortunately, being constantly critical with yourself can take a real emotional toll. It can trigger depression, anxiety, immensely low self-esteem and self-worth issues, or an unhealthy and unreal level of perfectionism.

If you have found that you tend to be hard on yourself, don’t worry. There are many things you can do to change that negative cycle. I am listing many such positive and healing strategies below that I sometimes reccommend during therapy session, which can be effective treatments for anxiety and depression.

How to Be Kind with Yourself – 5 Gentle Ways

1} Talk to yourself the way you’d talk to a loved one

Would you tell your best friend or child that she is stupid for making a mistake? Then why is it ok to say something like that to yourself? Truly, it’s not! I know it can feel like you’re holding yourself to a very high standard by being harsh. But in reality, standards are not maintained by how you talk to yourself because they’re more an extension of your values. Being overly self-critical ends up doing more harm than good. So you might as well practice telling yourself the more supportive things you would tell a loved one. Try it! If it doesn’t feel natural to do, that just means it’s important you keep practicing gentle self compassion.

2} Be Mindful

And easy and effective way to to notice when you’re telling yourself unkind things is to be mindful of your inner talk. This practice will help you increase your awareness of what you’re thinking when you’re thinking it! Understand, if you don’t know you’re caught up in a negative habit, you’ll have a hard time stopping it. This is true whether it’s biting your nails or thinking self-critically. Being mindful helps you notice the moments when you’re being self-critical.

3} No “should” thoughts

Any though that starts with the word “should” is often self-critical. Practice noticing these thoughts when they come up, and remember, they’re just thoughts, not facts.

4} Don’t use demeaning Language for yourself

If and when you make a mistake, do you call yourself an idiot, a loser, a failure, or similar names? Many of us do that, but its a very harmful habit to our emotional wellbeing. Remind yourself in these situations, that I made a mistake, I AM not a bad person for making the mistake. Practice distinguishing you as a person from the mistake you made. For example, if you forget your umbrella in a cab, instead of thinking, “I’m such an idiot, I never remember anything,” try telling yourself, “I remember most things I need to, but I did forget this one.” See, kinder and gentler with yourself. We all make mistakes and that is a sign we are human ❤

5} Think about your strengths

Ever so often make an effort to think about the things you’re good at and all the good qualities you have. Think about the positive and complimentary things others say about you (even if you think they aren’t true) and ask yourself, “could those people be right?” Everyone who sees value in you, is a mirror for you to understand your strengths and appreciate them.

Remember that you add value to the lives of those around you. It’s always always more than you think!

Start with a Healing Plan

I don’t think any of these suggested ways to be kind and gentle with yourself are that hard to put into practice. The hard part is actually remembering to do it!
So make a Healing plan now. Write just two things from this list you’ll try to do this week. Maybe put a few of them in your journal or calendar. Before you know it some of these will become positive habits for you.

Remember, being kind and compassionate towards yourself isn’t about excusing mistakes, but its rather about understanding and forgiving yourself, learning, growing and moving forward.

Your turn: How do you practice being gentle and kind with yourself? Share in the comments ❤

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