“You’ve been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.” ~ Louise L. Hay

Self-sabotage is more prevalent than we realize. Did you know that Abraham Lincoln, Fred Rogers, Michelangelo, John F. Kennedy, and George Washington all experienced some aspect of self-sabotage before they made history?

What is self-sabotage, and how does it undermine your ability to live a fulfilling life? And most importantly, how do we begin healing from it?

“Resistance by definition is self-sabotage.” ~ Steven Pressfield 

We all have times when we doubt ourselves or shy away from challenges/diffucult situations. But when these moments become a recurring pattern, they can cause behaviors, thoughts, or actions that undermine our life’s aspirations and overall wellbeing. This is known as self-sabotage.

Self-sabotaging behavior is more than procrastinating on a task you don’t want to do. It refers to actions or thought patterns (both conscious or subconscious,) that interfere with your long-term goals and overall wellbeing. Experiences of self-sabotaging behavior can occur with work goals, personal projects, and relationships.

Why do we self-sabotage?

Have you realised that sometimes despite our best intentions, we sometimes stand in our own way of progress? There are lots of reasons why we might act against the things we want. Recognizing them is the first step towards solving the problem. 

The fear of being successful: Why would anyone be afraid of success? For some, succeeding can bring consequences they may not really want like -> heightened responsibility, greater expectations(from others and self), or even a fear of eventual failure. It’s not so much the success they fear but the added pressures that come with it.

Having low self-esteem: You know when your inner critic starts saying “You’re not good enough”, that happens sometimes. Its normal. But there are some days when it’s louder than others but if you’re hearing it consistently it could be a sign of low self-esteem. As a defense mechanisim people with low self-esteem usually use self-sabotage as a means to make their reality align with their inner beliefs. Which means if they mess up intentionally, they feel they’re in control of the failure, or that it’s just an expected flaw of their character(which it actually is not)

The fear of failure: None of us likes to fail. But for some the fear of failure is so huge that they would rather not even try, than risk disappointment. They feel like it’s better to self-sabotage and have a ready excuse than to try their hardest and still not meet their high expectations.

Fearing the unknown: Change can be intimidating, even if it’s positive. For some people, what’s familiar can feel safe, even if uncomfortable or undesirable. Venturing outside their comfort zone is a new world they aren’t ready to explore. And as a result, they’ll subconsciously pull themselves back, self-sabotaging their progress.

Self-worth issues: Some people feel they don’t deserve happiness or success. This can be triggered due to past experiences or deeply ingrained limiting beliefs from childhood. It means that they pull away when they’re close to achieving something great, believing they aren’t worthy.

Understanding the root of self-sabotage is an important step in learning to overcome it. Once you can start to see the signs of self-sabotage and recognize why you experience it, you can learn how to break free.

Common Signs of self-sabotage

There are lots of signs of self-sabotage to look out for. Being able to spot them can be the first step toward addressing and defeating them.

1. Procrastination
2. Negative self-talk
3. Self-isolation
4. Perfectionism
5. Avoiding feedback
6. Frequent feelings of regret

5 Ways to Prevent Self-Sabotage

“Just imagine how much you’d get done if you stopped sabotaging your own work.” ~ Seth Godin

Self-sabotage prevents you from achieving your hopes and dreams. It’s often used as a protective mechanism to keep you “safe,” while hindering real progress. Fortunately, there are many ways to stop sabotaging yourself.

1. Recognize Unhealthy Patterns

If you notice recurring negative situations, it’s a great chance to seek support and break free, paving the way for positive transformation.

2. Embrace Positive Self-Talk

Shift negative beliefs to realistic and uplifting thoughts. Challenge your inner critic and remember, you have the power to choose which thoughts to believe.

3. Take Small Steps Forward

Every small action counts. Start by writing down the feelings linked to self-sabotaging behaviors and commit to taking positive, alternative actions.

4. Discover Alternative Actions

Uncomfortable emotions can be a signal for growth. Keep a journal to identify three adaptive actions that will help you reach your goals and foster positive change.

5. Celebrate Your Strengths

Reflect on and use your personal strengths daily. This will boost your self-compassion and help you build a healthy self-esteem, propelling you toward success.

In Conclusion

In essence, the journey of healing from self-sabotage involves liberating yourself from the limitations you’ve imposed on your own path, and forging a life that authentically mirrors your potential and aspirations. It stands as a vital stride towards attaining mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being.

❤ What do you think? Are there any ways you have used personally to heal from self-sabotage? Share in the comments ❤

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