Transform Yourself with Self-Compassion

On By Zeenat Merchant Syal|PositiveProvocations.comIn Mind, Heart& Soul-Motivation&Inspiration, Mind-Mental Health

Do you want to live a better life?

A happier life. A content life. Ofcourse you do.

We all very well know what it’s like to want to live a better life. We want to be healed of our childhood wounds. We want to be free of the burdens that weigh us down. We want to feel happier and more content. We want to be engaged in a life we love. We want our hearts to sing, our minds to relax, and our bodies to feel good.

In over 10 years helping people make a shift into a more fulfilling life, I have seen firsthand what works and what doesn’t, what brings success and what brings struggle. From my years of interaction, I have found one tool that makes the most difference to people’s successful transformation. That tool is self-compassion.

What is self-compassion?

Consider your answers to these questions:

• Are you compassionate and gentle to yourself when you lose, fail, or face disappointment as well as when you win or excel?

• Are you kind and forgiving to yourself when you feel regret and sadness?

• Do you build yourself up instead of beating yourself down?

• Are you more likely to think, “Everybody makes mistakes now and then” or fall into a “I’m such a loser” attitude?

Very simply, self-compassion is having mercy, love and sweetness for yourself no matter what else you might be experiencing. It is the ability to treat yourself kindly in the face of failure, rejection, defeat, and other difficult experiences. And it is the ability to accept yourself as human, having a wide variety of human experiences.

With self-compassion, if you care about yourself, you do what’s healthy for you rather than what’s harmful to you.

There are always things in life or in ourselves that we are not quite satisfied with. Cultivating self-compassion helps you focus on your present circumstance with more kindness and less judgment. By doing so, you are more likely to relax and find your creative center. Tapping into deep inner creative resources can lead you to discover new solutions to life’s unpleasant events.

When things get rough, take a breath, and give yourself a big compassionate break. You deserve it!

Your thoughts: As always, please share your thoughts, stories and questions below. Your interaction here provides a living wisdom for us all to benefit from.

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With Immense Love & Gratitude,
~Zeenat~
Counseling Psychologist/Spiritual Counselor
Motivational Speaker/Naturopath


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24 thoughts on “Transform Yourself with Self-Compassion”

  1. Rand

    Hi Z,

    The timing is impecable!

    I just experienced “rejection”, but only seconds after this I told myself:

    Yesterday I bettered my time up Cowels Mountain from 24 minutes to 23 minutes.

    I am making the little steps towards hiking the Pacific Crest Trail.

    I found out today that I am being considered for full-time work at a world renown theater…very harmonious suroundings!

    My Daughter is pulling *A’s* on her final terms at the University (her first year on a Presidental Scholarship).

    My daughter told me she has made her major Art History. This is a continuation of my own life in the field of the Arts…I am blessed.

    Last but not least…I make friends everywhere I physically venture. If I am percieved as a “not fit” online it really doesn’t matter squat.

    Thank you Zeenat for the reminder that rejection is “only” a variety of our human experiences!

    1. Dear Rand,
      What a beautiful way to live… The little steps are the pivotal ones that ultimately make you reach new heights. Unfortunately, in todays world we get so engrossed in the BIG, that the tiny roots end up suffering.And then we wonder why the Big was so hard achieve.
      Your daughter sounds like a lovely young woman…I bet she gets all her loveliness from her dad 😉
      Fitting in aint for us ‘unique’ folk. You be you! Awesome lovely you 🙂
      Much love.

  2. Sunita

    I read this early this morning and wow what a way to start the day! So often we are the most unkind to ourselves. We forgive others more readily than ourselves. We expect ourselves to be perfect and then berate ourselves for being human. I particularly loved the lines: “With self-compassion, if you care about yourself, you do what’s healthy for you rather than what’s harmful to you.” and
    “Cultivating self-compassion helps you focus on your present circumstance with more kindness and less judgment. By doing so, you are more likely to relax and find your creative center. Tapping into deep inner creative resources can lead you to discover new solutions to life’s unpleasant events.” I just wish everyone would realize that.

    1. Dear Sunita,
      We will and are realizing the need for self compassion everyday. The problem lies in the not implementing it. We hold ourselves to the standards our parents wanted us to be…not understanding that their dreams and our dreams are different. The minute we understand and realize our dreams, self compassion will become second nature.
      Thank you for giving my article the privilege of being read first thing in the morning…makes me happy for sure 🙂
      With lots of love.

  3. Rand

    Hi again Zeenat…this post really has my mind churning away multitudes of thoughts. I am hoping that there will be plenty of discussion via comments.

    “When things get rough, take a breath, and give yourself a big compassionate break. You deserve it!”

    “For”, said he, “from lands which are not rugged men who are not rugged are apt to come forth, since it does not belong to the same land to bring forth fruits of the earth which are admirable and also men who are good in war.” ____from ‘The Histories’, Herodotus

    I just watched the great TV mini series ‘Lonesome Dove’ on DVD the other night.

    The swift action many of the ‘rough’ settlers of the Wild West had when they came up against adversity.The daily attitude needed to survive. How quickly do you think they moved on with life after their own *compassionate break*?

    How do you suppose you would of managed in this town?

    http://www.bodie.com/

    I do have no doubt that then (like now) those who quickly learnt went forward down the trail with produced strength of character. And those who were not too proud to own up to their own faults made an easier go of it. Especially if one allowed ‘himself’ and ‘others’ to help in the prevailing *compassionate* manner that was once found on this desolete eastern side of the Sierra Mountains.

    I have been to Bodie. There are plenty of people pushing up wild flowers in the grave yard that did not live a long ‘fruitful’ life.

  4. Zeenat, I love this definition: “Very simply, self-compassion is having mercy, love and sweetness for yourself…” I find it can be quite subtle and unconscious, the way we can give ourselves a hard time. Thanks for your encouragement to bring it into the light and consciously direct compassion towards ourselves.

    1. Dear Sandra,
      I so agree! Its such an unconscious habit for us to ‘take our own case’…..being aware and being loving in all moments helps immensely. In time it becomes a habit to be compassionate.
      Thank you for your lovely comment here sweetie!
      Much Love~

  5. swarna

    Hi zeenat this is an apt post and especially the last few lines When things get rough, take a breath, and give yourself a big compassionate break. You deserve it! Wonderful way to start our day.

    1. Hi Swarna,
      So glad you liked my positive suggestions here. I do hope you practice this everyday and remain happily positive always 🙂
      Thank you for your beautiful comment here.
      Much Love~

  6. shamsundar bansilal saraswat

    Zeenat,
    A beautiful article. But really the hard facts of life, unemployment, financial difficulties change by simply positive provocations?

    1. Shamsundar,
      Thank you for your comment here. Forgive my delay in responding to your comments…my little one has been a bit unwell since two days.
      Your question is an important and valid one. I do believe that all the challenges we face in this lifetime are meant to help us grow and evolve into better souls. I also believe that positive provocations in any and all forms in our life help us like a supportive and protective barrier…from all the effects of the challenges we go through. A few weeks back someone asked me “why do bad things happen to good people?” And today your question here… My next article will tackle this in depth.
      Patience and faith in the divine help immensely too.
      I hope to see more of your riveting comments here.
      Much love.

      1. shamsundar bansilal saraswat

        Zeenat,
        Thankx for the reply.I remember there are many replies to the question I asked to you.It is like our fate, the saturated results of our own deeds for years and may be births together. The present birth or the destiny we are faced with is the result of all these deeds.We have to face the consequences calmly and quietly. No reverts, no grumbling, no complaints. Take it as your punishment given by the Almighty for all your deeds. Finish the punishment by quiet forebearance.. That will finish the saturated balance of all your past ill deeds.The moment you utter a word of complaint or abuse, the crime balance of yourself will go up and the punishment consequently. Finish the punishment by calm and quite suffering and that too as you said with positive provocations.This will relieve you of all your illdeeds.

  7. Hi Zeenat,

    A timely piece for me. I believe that self compassion is essential, since in a way, it is the cornerstone that all else is built upon. And yet extending that power of compassion to oneself is perhaps the most difficult thing to do, especially when a person needs it the most.

    Thank you for the nudge in the right direction:-)
    john

    1. Hi John,
      I love seeing you here!
      You are right to the t John….compassion is the cornerstone of all growth and evolution. For in loving ourself wholly, can we infuse love int he world around us too.
      As for the nudge…oh I’m always ready and armed to nudge positively anytime 😉
      Thank you for your lovely comment here.
      Much Love~

  9. Hi Z,
    I used to be far more gentle, loving, kind, compassionate with others than my self..
    I was taught that self love was “selfish”..so it took me well into adulthood to realize that self love was essential to my growth, and to allow me to provide *me best* to others. I believe I am able to open my heart as fully as I do, to continue to explore world, experiment creatively, experience range and depth in all because I create from the fountain of love and gratitude..self love is vital to that. Thank you for another wonderful life affirming article!

    1. My dear Joy,
      We both grew up with similar thought patterns int he self love department. I too was led to believe its a ‘bad’ thing to love yourself. Like you it took a long time for me to realize this too..but now I’m all for self love…but ofcourse not in the narcissistic kind of way 🙂
      You are love personified my dear.
      Thank you for your amazing comment here.
      Much love~

  10. Well my darling wonderful friend Zeenat, you of course have done it again, expressing and sharing such great words that we all need..’Very simply, self-compassion is having mercy, love and sweetness for yourself no matter what else you might be experiencing.’~~peace love and happiness sunshine butterflies and rainbows..
    also to Joy who posted..’I believe I am able to open my heart as fully as I do, to continue to explore world, experiment creatively, experience range and depth in all because I create from the fountain of love and gratitude..self love is vital to that.’…thank you for writing my thoughts for me; true true!!

    1. Sweet Elizabeth,
      You get me all tongue tied with all your amazing words here.
      Let me offer you glittery butterflies and brilliant rainbows for all that you reflect back to me. I am so grateful you chose to share your precious energy here.
      So Much Love~

  11. Dear Zeenat,we all have many faults.Sometimes we are selfish & fail to do our duty. Or it could simply be an error of judgement .But when we fail to live up to the expectations that others have from us,we are bitten by remorse which clouds our happiness.At such times self compassion does lift the mood but it is also vital to learn a lesson & desist from committing that mistake again.

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