“Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens.”
Kahlil Gibran
Each and every one of us at some point or the other have experienced deep frustration with a relationship, an activity or job and been tempted to throw it over. Many of us do so, in fact. We quit jobs and sever relationships for emotional reasons. In the long run though, quitting never seems to work out. The job we take next or the relationship we settle for on the rebound, are as unrewarding and as far away from the ideals we long for, and we wonder why it is that our path does not seem to open up and why we are as far away from fulfillment as ever we were.
What is the ultimate truth?
The ultimate truth is that life gives us situations that we need to be in and if we terminate them abruptly, we cease to extract what we are meant to out of them, and are therefore condemned to repeat the situation. There are times when we may even discern what we are meant to do or how we are meant to live, but even in that realization there may be a process involved that we must respect.
A personal example- I was working with a lifestyle magazine many years ago when I had my spiritual epiphany. I realized vividly that what I wanted to do more than anything else in the world was to heal people of their misery. Yet, how I was to do this and when, remained a mystery. I realized that I was meant to go through the job I presently held, in order to reach wherever I was meant to. It took me another three years (superbly rewarding and fulfilling years, incidentally) before I arrived at the realization that the magazine and I were no longer in sync and I left. That realization was a simple and peaceful one – it was a deep inner knowing – and acting on it facilitated my transition to ME and all that I am today Positive Provocations and everything else.
An opposite example– A close friend of mine threw over her job as soon as she got her epiphany and looked for something more compatible with her interests. Unable to find one after being jobless for close to nine months, she returned to her old career. Recently, though, she applied within her own company for a shift to the other department that was more to her liking and she was granted it – an easy painless transition because the time had come for it to happen.
I hold this concept of going through things rather than bypassing them or jumping over them, close to my heart. And it has served me well and made me happy. Even when it came to relationships. I have hung on to them with an almost crazy determination, no matter how high the level of frustration, until the time came when I was automatically released from them. Then the parting was always easy and effortless, with little pain on either side.
Emotional Decisions a NO NO!
I have learnt never to make important decisions based on emotional reasons but to bide my time and wait for the decision to be revealed from within. This can seem like a passive strategy but let me tell you that it is the hardest thing to do. I have particularly understood that it is always darkest before dawn. When it seems we can no longer hang in there and we have no option but to quit, we need to hang in there. An insight or an understanding or a fresh layer of growth may arise.
Recently, I went through a hard time on the health front. The tension mounted and I felt dangerously tempted to throw in the towel. When it comes to my health, throwing in the towel means giving up on my body’s natural mechanism completely….But I didnt. I held on and remained positive, never giving up hope. That’s when the veils parted and I realized that all I really needed to do was to focus on the moment and stop fastfowarding into the future, anticipating calamity. The realization has given me a new equanimity and acceptance and made my problem much easier to handle.
Living with the cycles and timetables of life
Learning to abide by the cycles and timetables of life and respecting the processes involved, our lives open up and a path is paved for us to walk on. We have to do nothing at all.
We merely have to walk on each step without fear or doubt, as it appears before us. Then we will progressively grow through every situation, and each will lead us to the next magnanimous step we need to be on.
What about you? Have you had experiences like mine where you literally wanted to give up? How did you handle it? Please share your thoughts and wisdom in the comments below.
With Immense Love & Gratitude,
~Zeenat~
Counseling Psychologist/Spiritual Counselor
Motivational Speaker/Naturopath
G
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Zeenat,
There is so much wisdom in this piece, though it may be difficult for some to understand. The essence is the idea of waiting for clarity to arise from within and the truth that there is so much to learn from the challenges that arise in our life. There have been moments in recent years when I’ve felt like giving up, but they pass! Thank you dear heart for always sharing from your soul.
HI Sandra,
You have surely understood the essence of what I was trying to convey 🙂
Things do pass….we just need to have the patience and the wisdom to know …
Thank you fro your kind words…I love it that you are here first to comment.
Lots of love~
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First of all, are you better now and is the tough period of health behind you? I am not sure but you had better be, my dear Zeenat….
No, I do no have your patience in general but with relationships, and especially friendships, I have held on very tight and very desperately to them all my life. Then in the end, it has served me so poorly because it was so painful to let go of them but I had no doubt it was the right thing to do. A year ago, I let go of a friendship that to this day I miss but know that I no longer have the energy or the effort to deal with ….I heard from her once around Xmas and it was hard to let it go. It was not an active ‘lets get together i miss you’ just a casual Xmas card that everyone else gets too, but I let it go. I closed the door to that friendship and I believe now that friendships really and truly run their course and little me wants to hang on to them for dear life…
Well, OUR friendship had better run the course of our lives, dear lovely Zeenat!~
(Thanks for link love, honey!)
Dear Farnoosh,
Am in the recovery process….and am loving the happy way I’m healing so far 🙂
About your friendship..I’m sorry you had to go through it….but it was meant to happen and it was probably the right time for it pass….we just don’t see the wisdom while we are hurting….but in time we do understand 🙂
And sweetheart..I friendship will go well past time and space…:) no limits there at all…ever.
Lots of love to you…and the link luv is just my way of appreciating awesome YOU!
Hugs~
Hi Zeenat,
There have been times when I have wanted to throw in the towel. I remember working on my graduate degree and I literally wanted to give up. I’m so glad I didn’t give up, because I got my reward. If I had given up, I would have never gotten my degree. Hanging in there was the best thing I could have ever done and I learned some life lessons behind it all.
Right now, I feel like throwing in the towel, in certain situations, but I’m learning to embrace what comes my and take those lessons to heart, and go with the flow.
Wonderful piece, Zeenat!
Take care,
Evelyn
Hi Evelyn,
You are one brave cookie..and I’m so glad you are 🙂 These challenges make us stronger for the better na …
And dont you ever throw int he towel…!!!
Glad you liked this article dearest.Thank you for your insightful comment,
Much love~
love this article… to me it comes down to two things: ‘special and beautiful’ things come to those who wait and we are always in the right place and moment no matter what is going on.
Thank you for reminding me that as easy as it sounds quitting and just throwing the towel as you say it’s our ego talking!
xxxooo
Hi Paola,
Firstly love seeing your comment here! Thank you for stopping by and sharing your thoughts.
And, you sum it up so well….right place at the right moment does create magic 🙂
Am glad this article reminded you not to give up and fall prey tot he ego…that ego can be a pain hmm…:)
Thank you again fro your lovely words here..hope to see more of you here.
Much love~
Hi Zeenat,
I completely relate to waiting for the right time and our insights to surface when making decisions. I actually think that in waiting, as you say, when the insight and guidance arise we will actually be led to what is the right next step for us.
I used to be much more impulsive when I was younger and I’d leap before I look. This never worked out, so over time I learned to allow guidance to surface by waiting instead.
Thank you so much for sharing this wisdom with us.
Hi Angela,
I agree…our impulsiveness can be a pain sometimes 🙂
But yes, age and experience teaches us to be patient, and accepting and in that much wiser with our life’s decisions…thereby making them clearer on us…
I’m glad you could relate to this article….
Thank you for your amazing comment here.
So Much Love~
Hello Zeenat,
There have been several times I have been tempted to throw the towel in and just give up, both in work and relationships. For the most part, I’m glad I hung on until I did as it all worked out for the best.
Having said that I think we need to realise when it really is time to go, recognise oportunities and not hang on out of fear of change.
Hi Kate,
You have brought forward an important point here…
Fear of change can hold us back from making decisions that are good for us…but more so that problem doesn’t arise,…. if we have tuned our instincts well enough, for that inner voice to let us know..that ‘yes this is what should be done’….sometimes in the worst situations…answers become crystal clear…..if we let them..don’t you think?
Thank you for sharing your lovely thoughts here Kate. Appreciate it.
Much love~
Hi! Zeenat,
I’m a regular reader, though not a regular commenter. i live in Delhi, so we are not too far. how are you keeping now? i wish you a speedy complete healing.
There are so many points that are mentioned in your article that touch home.
an epiphany can happen any time in your life, and waiting can surely teach you the lessons to be learned well. even those small little ones that often get left behind can help you grow. and clinging on to relationships when they are at the darkest can sometimes help the relationship mature into something that makes all the pain endured worthwhile.
varuni
Hi Varuni,
So lovely to see your comment here! I had no idea you were in delhi…we are close. Maybe we should get together in future 🙂 Would be fun!
As for my health…am on the happy road to recovery and loving the process 🙂 So glad I didnt give up on me.
In relationships, its hard to know when its time to let go or hold on…but it all depends on your gut feeling..
I have seen people be in marriage for 50 years…and then one fine day just walk out…and literally BE happy. And some who even after being in a relationship for years, when it culminates into marriage…it ends up in divorce within a month. Relationships can be hard or satisfying…it all depends on our own equation with the other person and how we truly feel about it. Many times people live in this facade that things are a certain way..but when we accept it the reality is completely different. But youre right…problems can make the relationship mature….and that in itself is the sign of a very good and strong relationship.
Thank you for your lovely comment here dear Varuni. I do wish you stop by more often to share your beautiful thoughts.
So Much Love~
Hi Zeenat! Very touching and peaceful post. I love “life gives us situations that we need to be in.” We’re here to grow and to remember who we really are through the lessons placed on our path. It’s up to us to embrace those lessons in whatever shape or form they might come. And yes, “we have to do nothing at all.” We can just enjoy the journey as we engage with what shows up in our path. Beautifully said!
Much gratitude for the sweet mention. You rock, my friend! 🙂 Loving blessings!
Hi Andrea,
I’m so glad you liked this post! And the mention was just my way of telling you how much I love your writing.
What an amazing journey this can be if we just go with the Divine flow 🙂
Thank you for your lovely comment here.
Much love~
Zeenat,this is a light bulb moment for me.I get it.All my life i just could not understand why the same things keep on appearing in my life,different people and places but the circumstance were the same.The more i ran from the events the more it reappear in my life.
Thanks sooo much and i love.
Hi farida,
wow! I’m so so happy this article has brought forth such a wonderful feeling for you.
Those events that reappear are meant to teach you something…meant to move you in someway. You recognizing that…will let you feel very light and happy.
Thank you fro your lovely comment here Farida. Hope to see more of you here.
Lots of love to you~
Zee, for sure, towards the end of last year I so totally wanted to give up, I nearly gave up on life! But there was no big realisation or light-bulb moment….I just rode the waves and eventually came through on the other side by persisting and persevering. Not giving up hope and not letting go of my dreams. I really took some punches, a left hook here, a right jab there, and when I got knocked to the canvas, I decided to get up and throw a few punches of my own….metaphorically speaking! 😀
Hi Zeenat .. I feel like that now – you used the word epiphany .. and I knew I couldn’t leave a comment there and then .. I went to Cornwall and back to collect the last lot of my mother’s bits that I couldn’t make an immediate decision on ..
But having had that time to think .. and realise that a door closes for another to open .. and what is meant to be is meant to be .. has freed me up mentally .. and released me to the future .. my security blanket was taken away in that the flat was sold – yet it’s freed me to get on – that last but one hurdle has gone .. my mother remains and I will see her through as happily as I can to her rainbow bridge.
I’m glad all is well and you have accepted .. and can move forward .. with love and thoughts .. Hilary
Assalamualaikum, you are giving innovative udeas about life