“Individually, we are one drop. Together, we are an ocean.” ~ Ryunosuke Satoro

Many years ago, one of my spiritual teachers shared this story with me. I would like to share it with you all today.

The story is about a village where all the women washed clothes together down by the river. When they all got washing machines, there was a sudden outbreak of depression and no one could figure out why. It wasn’t the washing machines that could do such a thing. It was actually the absence of time spent doing things together. It was the absence of community.

We’ve all gotten so independent these days… Our birthday wishes have also becomes so impersonal over texts, whatsapp or facebook. We rarely pick up the phone to talk, everything is done over texts. I feel like the human to human connection in this uber connected world is severely missing. Read on to know what you can do about it…

The “I’m Fine” syndrome

In all this disconnectedness we tell ourselves “I am fine” even when in reality we’re depressed, we’re overwhelmed, we’re lonely, and we’re hurting. “I’m fine, I’m just too busy right now” we say when days, weeks, months, and years go by without connecting with friends or those we love. I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine. It’s so easy to say even when it’s not true.

We’ve become so isolated and it’s hard to know how to get back. It’s so hard to know how to even begin to build the kind of relationships our hearts need. And I think In our current culture, it’s just not as organic as it once was. It’s harder now.

Because you know, we have our own washing machines. We don’t depend on each other to do laundry, or cook dinner, or raise babies anymore. We don’t really depend on each other for much of anything if we’re being honest.

In Brene Brown’s book Braving the Wilderness, she says that being lonely affects the length of our life expectancy similar to smoking 15 cigarettes a day.

I don’t share that to scare you, but to let you know that the longing for connection is REAL. I think we’ve treated human connection like a luxury for far too long; connectedness isn’t a luxury, it’s a necessity.

We don’t want it. We honestly need it.

When I was struggling with purpose many years back, one of my spiritual mentors told me: “One part of your purpose on this earth is to let people know they are not alone“. And that in time became my life’s mission.

Be independent. Be proud of it. But be an independent human who realizes the value and the importance of opening the door to other good human beings.

You can do it alone, but you know, you don’t have to. Islands are only fun for a holiday, not to live on for a lifetime.

How to build deeper connections?

This is a questions I get asked way too often as a therapist. While each human being is different and no one size fits all approach can work, in general the tips below help tremendously. But, if you suffer from low self esteem or social anxiety or any other mental health issues, then working on healing those helps first.

So, if you want to truly connect more deeply with someone, get curious, not gossipy or intrusive. Ask open-ended questions that encourage them to open up about their life, experiences and perspectives. Listen attentively, by making eye contact and nodding to show you’re engaged. Pay attention to mutual interests or values – that helps you relate. But also share a bit about yourself to create that good rapport. Understand and read their communication style and boundaries, so you know how to respect them. Then follow up after with a text or call as that demonstrates you valued the interaction. Consistently practiced, these skills deepen trust and allow for more meaningful relationships to blossom.

(Next week I’m going to write a more in depth article on how to form deeper connections, because God knows we all need help in that department for sure)

There is true magic when hearts come together and share ideas and share stories and struggles. That sense of community and belonging is what helps us heal. More on this in the next article.

Till then take care of yourself and know you are not alone. There is a whole world of beautiful souls just waiting to vibrate with you and help you heal. I’m here for you too ❤

Your turn: How do you build deeper connections in your life? Do you have any special wisdom to share. Share in the comments ❤

Thank you SO much for your presence here! I appreciate it! If you’re NEW here, please subscribe for free updates and special gifts by Email. I publish New mental health, emotional healing and spiritual growth articles every week!

❤ If you’d like 1-on-1 counseling sessions and spiritual guidance with me, come on over here.