The consciousness of loving and being loved brings a warmth and richness to life that nothing else can bring.~ Oscar Wilde
Let me begin by asking you a simple question:
Are You Loved? Truly and completely loved for who you truly are….
Many of my patients and people I meet feel like they Dont deserve to be loved, even if they are being loved.
Everyone deserves love! Love is a divine gift we each possess the spark of.
Everyone on Earth wants to experience and be loved, but with so many struggling relationships and the enormous divorce rate, something is obviously missing. Why are we still not getting it?
LOVE is whats missing.
There is a simple cycle to solving this major issue of struggling relationships. The cycle is:
self love – give love – heal – self love
Notice how ‘give love’ and ‘heal’ are safely tucked in between self love?
We each deserve to be loved, but first and foremost loved by our-self. If we don’t love our-self for who we are, we will never be able to do justice to any of our relationships. And the relationship that suffers the most in this gross in-acceptance is our relationship with our-self.
Your relationship with Your- Self is the longest relationship you will ever have in this lifetime. You might as well, work on that relationship first. We need to infuse happiness and healing into our self, before we can infuse that same happiness and healing into the world around us.
We all want to be completely healed of our past emotional scars. The simplest and only step you need to make the effort for is self love. The whole healing cycle will just follow naturally.
“Fear is the question. Love is the answer.” – Rain Bojangles
I have an admission to make- I have had a string of failed relationships in my past. Its not a fact I admit to normally, nor am I proud of this. But Today, after all I’ve learned, understood, encountered and felt I know one thing for certain….that all those relationships failed because I wasn’t ‘in self-love’ at the time. Had I been loving towards myself, there are many of those relationships I would’ve have never even gotten into. My broken emotional heart at the time wanted to latch onto to anything that looked like love, even though it clearly wasn’t. Every time any of these relationships failed, I would blame myself and think I dont deserve to be loved.
Today, after a lot of self love and divine intervention I’m whole and healed. I know I deserve love, cause I’m a divine creation meant for it. Today, If after all my giving of healthy love, a relationship still fails, its ok. Its not my fault. I don’t blame myself. Because I know I’ve given all my love in the nurturing of the relationship. And again, if a certain relationship runs its course, the end of it doesn’t distraught me. Infact it gives me a new found clarity about myself and my needs. If the relationship is meant to be, it will be.
My relationship with myself is my guiding force today. I need to be able to look myself in the mirror everyday with a clear conscience and a beaming smile that so so deserves all the love it can get. Giving love and healing become such an amazing by product of self love.
Incase you’re wondering how you too can cultivate and nurture self love….just click here to read the article I wrote sometime back. Its packed with all you need to kick start your self love relationship.
Please Note: This article is the 1st part in the series of articles on “Happy Relationships”. From Self-love, to Giving love, to Finding your soul mate, to having happy healthy loving relationships….all will be unraveled in this “Happy Relationships Series” of articles. Be sure to be subscribed(by clicking here) so that you don’t miss any part of this Heart Opening Series.
What are YOUR thoughts on this topic? Do YOU deserve to be loved? When it comes to self-love, what are your thoughts and experiences on the same? Share your beautiful thoughts in the comments of this article.
With Immense Love & Gratitude,
~Zeenat~
Counseling Psychologist/Spiritual Counselor
Motivational Speaker/Naturopath
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Hello Zeelove,
“Had I been loving towards myself, there are many of those relationships I would’ve have never even gotten into.”
I left this short poem earlier with a comment at Tess’s most recent post…
Ed
Louis Simpson
Ed was in love with a cocktail waitress,
but Ed’s family, and his friends,
didn’t approve. So he broke it off.
He married a respectable woman
who played the piano. She played well enough
to have been a professional.
Ed’s wife left him…
Years later, at a family gathering
Ed got drunk and made a fool of himself.
He said, “I should have married Doreen.”
“Well,” they said, why didn’t you?”
So Zeenat, mindful of my own numerous failed relationships this ‘Step for a Fear-Less Life’ came top of mind to me:
13. Seize the opportunity in front of you, or someone else will.
My question is: Does “procrastination” show its face about someone to others in a truthful sense? If their is some “gray” area to understanding how one feels towards you…and applying this vise/versa. How can *any* be held accountable for ‘procrastination’? Or how can *any* be held accountable for not being truthfully loving?
At this stage in my life if I am to be fortunate enough to be blessed with another relationship I want to go into it knowing… Yes! This is so right!
“Infact it gives me a new found clarity about myself and my needs. If the relationship is meant to be, it will be.”
Zeenat…this statement is truly one I can believe in.
Thank you!
Rand
Hi Rand,
Thank you for agreeing with me on this gorgeous topic of self love. The words you share here are magical and so apt!
Relationships need love….but if we dont have that love within, how can we nurture another soul…I hope and pray you find your truest love, one that appreciates you for you. No questions asked.
Thank you Rand for your amazing comment here.
Much Love~
how to ❤ me..zeenat..,.ji m so imperfect?
My Darling Swatcat,
Your imperfections are your truest unique strengths. You need to embrace these imperfections and work towards making these your strengths. Its not impossible….infact its a marvelous process of self learning and growth. Write down all those imperfections you have on a piece of paper, and then think how you can turn each of them into a positive habit. If you need help..email me the list…and I’ll help you with it.
You are loved my dear and you so so deserve all the love you can get.
I’m here for you.
So Much Love~
Hi Zeenat,
Yes we do deserve to be loved and first and foremost from ourselves. If we don’t love ourselves first all the love we get from others will never fill the void inside.
Great post! Thank you for reminding us of the importance of loving ourselves.
Hi Angela,
The void…oh thats a perfect way of putting it. That unreachable emptiness can only be filled and healed by self love.
I’m glad you liked this article Angela. Thank you for your beautiful comment here.
Much Love~
I definitely need to work on self-love. Great post!
Hi Lisa,
So lovely seeing you here!
I’m glad youre working on self love. If you need any help dont hesitate to email me. But you acknowledging this is a first big step already… 🙂
Thank you for your lovely comment here Lisa.
So Much Love~
Hello, Beautiful Zeenat!
What a helpful, healing post; thank you!
My experiences have been that each “failed” relationship of my past (as well as all the successful ones – friends, included) were simply mirror reflections of myself at various stages in my journey. And I do believe that love is a journey, not a destination, and that self-love is also a journey without an end-point that can be reached.
I hear a lot of people say “Before you can find Mr./Ms. Right, you first have to love yourself.” I’ll be honest, that advice doesn’t sit well with me because it implies an if/then scenario. My experiences show me that’s not how the Universe works. On top of that, if everyone I encounter is just a reflection of me, then as I live & love, I learn (…more about how to love others, myself, the world).
Being in relationship with others offers such rich soil from which we can grow our best selves. I honestly used to think, after hearing that “first you have to love yourself” advice, that I couldn’t be in any relationship until I reached a certain point in self-love. Now I know, though, that it’s not a linear process; it’s fluid.
As I love you, Beautiful Zeenat, I’m loving myself. As I let go of people who no longer fit my life or energy levels (or ability to love), I’m loving myself. As I sit here typing this comment to your post without any male prospects on the horizon, I’m loving myself.
I believe this entire journey is a fabulous exercise in self-love. It’s just that maybe not everyone sees it!
Speaking of love, LOTS of LOVE to you, dear one!
Dear Megan, this is SUCH a wise wise comment. I soaked it in like warm sun. Just stunningly beautiful. I agree with it all and it has been my experience as well. Love the “if/then” line you wrote. YES!!! Yes, it IS fluid. And relationships are the most fertile soil to grow the soul. Much love to you dear beautiful Megan. So grateful.
I second that Dearest Robin. Megan’s comment is breathtakingly beautiful….. Kind of like her beaming smile and your amazing heart…. 🙂
Darling Joyful angel Megan,
I love how you say, what I’m already thinking and writing about for the next post. Infact the next post in this series is about how each relationship we have, create and encounter are part of such a whole that is Us…and inturn are mirrors to our truest selves. More on that in the next post…but what you shared here is bang on.
Self love is not a destination…its an amazing journey we all need to take…and can be one of the most satisfying journeys of our lives.
Your mr. right is waiting right around the corner…..i can just feel it.
As for the ‘first love yourself and the love others…” is more a metaphoric way of saying, just begin to love yourself and see how many possibilities become apparent to you. We need to be more comfortable in our own skin, to be able to accommodate or amalgamate another soul in our heart. Know self, to know Love is what I think and have experienced.
I love you gallons dear one. 🙂 ❤
“And I do believe that love is a journey, not a destination, and that self-love is also a journey without an end-point that can be reached.”
I remember my former wife expressing this to me and the example she used. It was an exhibit of this ladies art with this theme at The Mingei International Museum in Balboa Park, San Diego.
We are still very good friends, and I remember the day I first saw her that I was surrounded by friends inside a church for a wedding. I did not have this great abundance of self-love that day…I did have a great group of friends though. We have two beautiful loving daughters…the eldest who will be off to college up in the Bay Area. My daughter just made plans to be with me this Sunday…so just how much of a “failed relationship” is it?
Yes, “fluid”…just like the wind, tide, rising and setting of the sun and moon, and the changing of the seasons.
Simply beautiful my dear sweet friend. So many recent posts you’ve done are soooo deep and meaningful. You are truly coming out more and more. A profound force of good in the world. I love you, dear Z. So much. If it weren’t so late, and I so tired I would write a lot more here. I also loved Megan’s reply. Hugging you. 🙂 🙂
Darling Robin,
I can feel your love from afar..its like the sunshine for me. You can close the drapes and cover your eyes, but sunshine knows just how to get in…your love is like that for me. Even if you leave an empty comment it will make my heart sing
I too feel I’m becoming more fearless with my words…its a great feeling…I just hope it comes across and helps more and more people heal.
I love you beyond words.
Hugs~
Hey Zeenat,
In the end love is the only thing which is important in life.
It love the way you talk about the subject. Self love is an essential part of any relationship. Without self love we can not grow and give love to others, so how can relationships grow if there is not self love? Self love is very powerful, but not always easy. It means also accepting our own fears and our less strong points. If we don’t accept our fears and less strong points, that is exactly the point where we will fail in relationships with others. For years I was rejecting myself and therefor rejecting other people as well. When I finally learned love myself, I healed and finally found my true love as well.
Thanks for sharing!
Shirley Bassey used to sing a song in which the words”I can’t be right for someone else,unless I’m alright for me”were sung.
Relationships will fail if you cannot love yourself.
Love is not something a person is entitled to.. just because.
One must act loving in order to recieve love.
Can’t be loved unless you love, and I don’t mean yourself.
To love yourself is easy, however loving another is difficult, but more rewarding ❤
Relationships will fail if you cannot love another.