In my work I sit at the meeting point of two truths: the mind heals through understanding, and the soul heals through love. When those two truths meet, something profound happens. Self-love stops being a fluffy concept and becomes a real, embodied medicine.
Self-love is not narcissism. It’s not bypassing pain or pretending everything is fine. True self-love is the brave, steady practice of turning toward yourself with honesty, warmth, and care…especially when you’re struggling. And yes, it heals. I’m living proof of how self love can heal even after major losses, major traumas, abuse, heart break, depression etc.
Why Self-Love Heals at the Deepest Level
Self-love regulates the nervous system. When you treat yourself with kindness instead of criticism, your body receives the signal: I am safe. Cortisol drops. The inner alarm quiets. You become more resilient, more flexible, more able to grow.
Self-love restores connection. Many of us carry a subtle belief that we must earn love by being better, smaller, stronger, or more pleasing. Self-love gently dismantles that illusion and brings us back to wholeness, the remembrance that we are already worthy.
Humanistic psychologist Carl Rogers named this beautifully:
“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”
Deep healing doesn’t begin with self-improvement. It begins with self-acceptance. Accepting ourself fully, flaws and all.
Self-Love Is Not a Feeling, It’s a Practice
We often wait to feel loving toward ourselves before we act kindly. Healing works the other way around. We practice love, and the feeling follows.
Psychologist and self-compassion researcher Dr. Kristin Neff puts it this way:
“Self-compassion involves treating yourself with the same kindness, concern, and support you’d show to a good friend.”
Notice how practical that is. Not mystical. Not complicated. Just… human.
When you respond to your own pain with understanding instead of judgment, you interrupt old emotional patterns and create new neural pathways. Spiritually speaking, you stop abandoning yourself and that reunion is deeply healing.
The Shadow Side: Why Self-Love Can Feel Uncomfortable
If self-love feels awkward or even wrong, there’s nothing “unspiritual” about that. Many of us learned early that love was conditional. Being hard on ourselves once felt like protection: If I criticize myself first, maybe I won’t be rejected.
Self-love asks us to lay down that armor.
As teacher Thích Nhất Hạnh reminds us:
“To love oneself is the foundation for loving another person.”
When we soften toward ourselves, old grief can surface. That’s not failure…that’s healing in motion.
Valentine’s Day as a Portal for Self-Love
Valentine’s Day can amplify feelings of longing, comparison, or loneliness. Instead of resisting that energy, we can repurpose it. Let this day be about choosing presence over performance and care over critique.
Here are gentle, practical ways to love yourself a little extra…psychologically and spiritually this Valentine’s Day:
1. Create a Self-Love Ritual
Light a candle. Put your hand on your heart. Breathe slowly for one minute. Say (out loud if you can):
“I am here with you. You don’t have to do this alone.”
This simple act builds inner safety and deepens your relationship with yourself.
2. Take Yourself on a Conscious Date
Do something that feels nourishing, not numbing. A walk in nature. A solo lunch with your phone put away. A long bath with intention. Treat your time as sacred. I love taking myself to a cosy café I love for coffee and croissant, watching life(people watching) or reading my favourite book.
3. Speak to Yourself Like Someone You Love
Pay attention to your inner dialogue today. When criticism arises, gently reframe it. Ask: Would I say this to someone I care about? If not, choose different words.
As Brené Brown says:
“Worthiness doesn’t have prerequisites.”
You don’t need to earn rest, pleasure, or compassion.
4. Write a Valentine to Yourself
Write a short note acknowledging what you’ve survived, what you’re learning, and what you appreciate about yourself, not just achievements, but qualities like courage, sensitivity, persistence.
Poet and activist Maya Angelou offered this truth:
“If you don’t love yourself, you can’t love anybody else.”
Loving yourself expands your capacity to love the world you live in too.
Healing Affirmations for Self-Love
Read these slowly. Let your body feel them, not just your mind:
- I am allowed to be imperfect and still worthy of love.
- My needs matter, and I honor them without guilt.
- I choose to meet myself with compassion today.
- The way I speak to myself is becoming more loving and gentle.
- I am learning to trust that I am enough as I am.
You don’t have to believe every word immediately. Healing often begins with willingness, not certainty.
A Closing Reflection
Self-love is not a destination, it’s building a deeper relationship with your true self. One that deepens with patience, honesty, and practice. Each time you choose kindness over self-attack, presence over avoidance, you are healing something ancient, something generational inside you.
This Valentine’s Day, may you remember: the love you are waiting for is not missing. It’s already within you, learning how to speak in a kinder voice.
And that voice…steady, compassionate, and true is where healing begins.💗
Happy Valentine’s(Self love) Day lovelies!
If you’d like 1-on-1 counseling sessions and spiritual guidance with me, come on over here.
Thank you SO much for your presence here! I appreciate it! If you’re NEW here, please subscribe for free updates and special gifts by Email. I publish New mental health, emotional healing, and spiritual growth articles every week!
Positive Provocations 