Unlearning & Healing from Dysfunctional Love

“Love does not dominate; it cultivates.” ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Let’s normalise Self Love. Let’s normalise healing. Not only are you worthy of the love you did not recieve as a child, but you are capable of so much more in terms of living your best life.

We all grew up not knowing what self love was. Honestly, we grew up not knowing what LOVE was to begin with. We accepted the fairy tale versions of love as definitions of real love. We accepted our dysfunctional setups as normal love. If that meant living in emotionally and physically abusive households, we thought that was normal. Not anyone’s fault, it was all we knew.

It was our normal.

Only as adults who suffer from pains and traumas, do we realize that past was not normal. It was a dysfunctional setup, that fractured our emotional growth.



Unlearning dysfunction and learning what it meant to love myself and others was difficult for me, as I am sure it is for you too. I lived decades of my life accepting mild attention as love. But, as I learned to love myself and truly understood the meaning of love, healing from old wounds and dysfunctional love became easier.

Mind you, there was a lot, a lot of back tracking. A lot of slipping into old bad habits that I thought were normal and comfortable. Unfortunately our mind loves old comforts, even if they are dysfunctional or detrimental to us. That is why identifying those old comforts and re-labeling them as dysfunction is imperative.

Deciding to start healing from my past trauma, pain, and heartache changed my life for the better.

It wasn’t easy at first. And there are still days that are hard to push through—but I have learned so much about choosing joy and healing vs. staying stuck in unhealthy cycles and patterns.

Today, as we normalize self love, as we normalize healing from dysfunction remember this:

  1. Positive change is possible and important for healing.
  2. Shedding old comforts is bound to happen as you live a self loving life.
  3. Trust yourself enough to let go of all that does not serve your highest good.
  4. Creating the life you want takes action. Simply reading or hearing how is not enough to create the life of your dreams. Doing is key.
  5. Choosing to love yourself is a daily practice. A practice in healing from past dysfunction.

Affirm to yourself daily:

I AM worthy of healthy loving relationships even though I grew up in a toxic environment.

Thank you SO much for your presence here!

If this article touched your heart, please share it on your favorite social networks. Every share, like or tweet makes me reach more people who need a positive healing nudge in their lives. I appreciate you! 

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Love always, ~Zeenat~

For Online Counseling with me please CLICK HERE!

For Online Counseling with me please CLICK HERE!

10 thoughts on “Unlearning & Healing from Dysfunctional Love

  1. This is presented soo amazingly Zeena, must read one it is to resonate with your beautiful thoughts. One must learn on how to be functional in self and eternal love. Loved it so much. Thanks for sharing ❤

  2. I had to “unlearn” what love was also. From my childhood, I had a very unhealthy idea of what it was, and replicated that in my marriage. I have learned to love myself but have not ventured into a relationship since I have. I think it’s enough for me for now!

  3. It’s not an easy task to undo our past experiences of what real love looks like Zeenat… and I suspect I stumbled upon it rather than discovering it. Or perhaps experiences eventually led me there. With that said it still seems like a work in progress as I grow in awareness.

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