“The greatest discovery of any generation is that a human can alter his life by altering his attitude.”~ William James

Do you think you can really choose happiness?

In reality, choosing happiness is simple. You either choose it or not. It boils down to choosing it every single day.

So, if happiness is a choice, how do we go about choosing it?

There is a certain pursuit to seeking happiness that everyone seems to be after. The amazing thing is we have more control over happiness than you might think.

Do you know that research has proven that as much as 40 percent of our happiness is determined by the intentional activities we choose to engage in? This is research is reassuring for those of us who feel our happiness is predetermined by circumstance or genetics. Which then simply means that we can make happiness a choice, if we set our hearts and minds to it.

Why is happiness a choice?

“Happiness is a choice that requires effort at times.” ~ Aeschylus(Greek Author)

No matter what our life looks like today, when it comes to happiness, it can be chosen daily. I know there are some differing opinions out there about whether happiness can be chosen or seeked or garnered. I’m however a firm believer in freedom of choice.

At the end of the day, it’s all about personal choice and perspective that determines whether we seek the positive in any given situation or not.

Understanding Perspective:

Two people can go through the exact same difficult experience but….

• One will choose to focus on the struggle, the hardship, the angst.
• Another will acknowledge that something difficult or bad has happened, but then will consciously focus on finding a solution and choose happiness by getting back on track. 

So many situations in life can be viewed with the same lens as the above example. Even trauma, loss and tragic health situations.

When life is painfully challenging choosing happiness can be hard, I do understand that. However, in the end, we make a conscious decision(choice) to get back up and take that step forward or not.

8 ways to choose happiness daily

Before we get to the tips on how to choose happiness I want to share that these are things I have specifically worked on when going through hopelessness and depression. And even now, when I do have those occasional triggers, I still use these to bring me back to my natural happy state.

Let’s get into it.

1. Acknowledge ALL your Emotions

When I say choose happiness, I don’t mean you should ignore all your other emotions. You have to accept and acknowledge all your wide range of emotions. Honestly, to choose and feel happiness we need to also feel the opposite i.e. sadness, loss, grief, worry, and pain. 

Take that time to feel what you need to feel in any given moment. This might be hours or days depending on the situation. Once you do acknowledge what you’re going through you can then make happiness a choice in your everyday actions.

2. Clarify Your Definition of Happiness

Happiness is usually an unending state of being. For example you are happy to be alive, you are happy to be a parent, you are happy to be healthy, you are happy in your career etc.

Happiness is not a fleeting fleeting feeling that comes and goes. Its a state of being. Unfortunately, we all grew up with so much trauma that we have all forgotten what real happiness feels like.

My definition of happiness is having deep love and connection in my life while getting to pursue new ways to learn and grow emotionally and spiritually.

What is your defintion of happiness?

3. Focus on Gratitude daily

I know, you’ve heard it a million times that it’s important to practice gratitude. When you intentionally focus on looking for things to be grateful for, it becomes difficult to focus on the negative things.

I love this gratitude quote by Robert Brault – “Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.”

And in all honesty, there are so many good things in life to be appreciative of. 

Here is my daily gratitude list:

• Waking up everyday
• Having healthy food and clean water
• The beauty that Mother Nature provides
• Having people who love and support me 
• A cozy cup of coffee in the morning
• Gorgeous sunrises and sunsets
• My daughter

Different life stages will bring in different things to be grateful for every day. I encourage you to look for the blessings in your daily life and start recording them. My daughter has started this on her phone daily. She loves to take few pics or videos daily, just so that the google cloud can save it and she can revisit it any time she wants. I love this idea of an online gratitude diary. This is just the best way to keep feeling happy.

4. Always find The Silver Lining

I know its very hard to look for the silver lining when life is being hard. While that may be true, not all situations in life are the same. Sometimes, there are situations where it’s much easier to find a silver lining. Practice finding silver linings wherever and whenever you can.

Looking for the silver lining is all about paying attention to the positive aspects of life, even in challenging times. That becomes easier to do, when you have made a habit of looking for it.

It also means acknowledging difficulties and setbacks but then actively seeking the valuable life lessons, opportunities, or moments of beauty within them. 

Whenever you feel negative thoughts popping into your mind, do your best to replace them with realistic positive thoughts. 

The key to finding the silver lining is by focusing on gratitude like we discussed above. This instills a state of happiness that can eventually become your default setting then.

5. Embrace The Present Moment

Embracing the present moment means being focused on the here and now, experiencing and enjoying the moment you’re in.

To do this, the goal is to let go of past thoughts or future worries and just be where you are. If you are doing the dishes, you are immersed in that with all your senses, fully. If you are enjoying a cup of coffee that is all you are experiencing. Basically, activating all your five senses while doing the small tasks in your day is what embracing and living in the present moment is all about. 

Other examples of embracing the present moment:

• Being fully present when talking to people – eye contact, fully listening and responding (no phones, no reacting)
• Taking notice of little things in your day and having gratitude for them
• Mindful breathing exercises that bring you back to this present moment
• Doing an activity or hobby you love with no interruptions(for me its writing, like just now)
• Exercising, it keeps you in this moment by constantly bringing your attention to your body.
• Doing a meditation practice

6. Allow Yourself To Be Happy

Life as it progresses and with every stage we grow and take on more responsibilities, we take on roles, and pursuits to meet the expectations of others. We normalise postponing gratification, and lose the ability to engage with and find joy in the small pleasures of life(like we used to as kinds). Gradually, we abandon happiness as an integral part of everyday life.

This facts is eye-opening and we may not even realize that we are putting simple everyday happiness on pause. This is a missed opportunity to find happiness within yourself today.

I can understand fully that you may have also gone through a particularly hard time either with the loss of a loved one or a major health crisis or other traumas that you’re holding onto. You might feel you really can’t be happy given the circumstances, especially if someone you love is struggling, or you are struggling. This is nothing but the unhealed trauma making you feel like you don’t deserve happiness.

Believe me, I felt this way when I lost my younger brother and dad(both unexpectedly and suddenly) and then again when I went through a particualrly violent marriage and divorce. Holding onto my grief and loss for so long, that happiness was not even in the picture. When I felt I was suffocating under the grief, thats when I decided its time to heal and be happy.

We can all make a conscious choice to create happiness if we just give ourselves permission to do so. Healing yourself is the best way to start allowing yourself to actually BE happy.

7. Add Self-Care Into Your Life

Self-care is a need we all have. We know we need it, but we tend to discount our own needs. When we have a good life balance by looking after our needs in the right way, we can create and see more happiness in life.

Self-care starts with looking after our basic current needs.

I recommend creating a self-care plan that focuses on – emotional, spiritual, physical, social and intellectual health. We need these to create the balance to thrive and build a happy life.

8. Go out In Nature daily

Being out in nature somehow ends up making you feel lighter and calmer. There have been actual studies to prove this works. Many years back I read a study, where 60 participants walked 50 minutes in either an urban setting or nature setting, the results showed that compared to the urban walkers, the nature walkers resulted in affective benefits which were decreased anxiety, rumination, negative thoughts, and preservation of a positive affect in the form of more positive thoughts.

In other words, after the walk in nature, people had fewer negative feelings and more positive ones.

We can’t always get to a hiking trail or the countryside, but you can look for a local park or pathway near the water.

This takes little effort and can bring on positive emotions and happy feelings worth keeping.

Final thoughts

I’ve always believed that we can create the life we want and heal from anything with the right intentions and focus. In fact, the title and tagline of this website ‘Positive Provocations ~ Healing Positively’ is specifically about this.

Accept the fact that happiness truly is a choice. It’s a choice we can make daily from when we wake up to when we go to sleep.

What Do You Think? Regardless of what your idea of happiness looks like, is happiness a choice? Share your opinion in the comments section below. Thanks!

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