While growing up, I was almost always surrounded by loving friends, who stood by me in thick and thin. I really never knew the pain or anguish of being friendless or disliked. As a libran and as my super intelligent Daddy’s little girl, the few outgoing and conversational qualities I possessed were constantly in use helping me to be well, Liked. But, as I grew up and started understanding life and all its intricacies, I came to a startling realization…..not everyone ‘feels’ liked or loved. Notice I said, not everyone ‘feels’ liked or loved….cause everyone is loved and liked in reality, we just dont accept and love ourselves enough to embrace that fact.
I grew up loving and reading Dale Carnegie. I am so influenced by his books, that I use his methods in many of my Seminars and group counseling sessions. When it comes to books about networking, building relationships or dealing with people, my favorite and undisputed classic is ‘How To Win Friends and Influence People’. Dale Carnegie wrote the book in 1936 and it has been read and put to good use by millions of people since.
The most imperative of realizations in the book is that although some people are more extroverted or affable, dealing with people is a learned skill that anyone can master. Believe me, I thought I had that department of being liked and loved covered….till I was blown away by all the positive life suggestions in this book.
The second section of the book is titled, Six Ways To Make People Like You. These are simple ideas that make a huge difference. These are the ones I’m going to discuss and share with you today…from my perspective ofcourse 🙂 So here goes people….hold onto your coffee mugs and read to be positively blown away…:
6 Simple and Effective ways to make People Like You
1) Be Genuinely Interested In Other People
In my years of counseling and dealing with people, I have seen, that the word that people say more than any other is ‘I”. People love love love to talk about themselves, their lives, their hobbies, their families, their passions, etc… When you become interested in people, ask questions and allow them to talk, they will love you for it.
Very simply: Just focus on being interested not interesting. There is a big difference. Interesting is about you, interested is about them.
2) Smile
I love to flash smiles at passerbys and see whether they smile back. They usually do 🙂 I can see how a stressed aura changes just with the simple smile. A smile is a simple gesture that doesn’t cost you money, time, or energy but it can brighten someone’s day, changes the way you feel and makes you more approachable.
Very Simply: Smiling is attractive and contagious. People around you can’t help but smile when they see a big smile on your face.
3) Remembering and Using People’s Name
Its said that the sweetest and most important sound in language is the sound of your own name.
We’ve all been there when you recognize the person but can’t remember their name. It’s awkward, uncomfortable and sometimes embarrassing. We often use the excuse that “I am not good with names,” but if you want to master people, you need to begin to remember names.
Very Simply: Develop a system, when you meet someone use their name 3 times in conversation or write their name down in a notebook with some notes about them. Figure out what works for you.
4) Be A Good Listener
My grandfather(Nana) used to tell the chatterbox me that ‘we are all given one mouth and two ears for a reason’. We need to encourage others to talk and then listen to understand.
Listening is an active process. It is much more than being silent. It involves love and empathy, which is to walk in someone’s shoes and understanding, which is the ability to relate without judging or fixing.
Very Simply: Listening is a skill that is developed with practice and as you master it, people will like you more and more.
5) Talk To People with Their Interests in mind
People love it when you can talk to them in terms of their interests. They love when you are knowledgeable on subjects they enjoy and can have intelligent conversation about what matters most to them.
That doesn’t mean that you have to be an expert in every category, but being able to talk to people in terms of their interests goes a long way. One way to do this is to study topics of interest before meeting with people. If you know that your business lunch/dinner is with a huge football fan, then take some time to brush up on your knowledge of the game. This small point may make the biggest difference in how the meeting turns out.
If you have paid attention to the first five ways to make people like you, you are probably noticing a trend. Each of the points is focused on the other person.
Talking in terms of other people’s interest is another way to put them first and leave a great impression.
6) Make People Feel Important But Do It Sincerely
Each person is different and making people feel important can be done in a myriad of ways. You can give a compliment, remember their birthday or a special occasion, recognize them for their skills and contribution or give them a gift.
The key is to make sure you do it sincerely. Your motives must be pure. This is not about giving to get, it is about giving because you genuinely care. People can read through individuals who are fake and only in it for themselves. If you are going to compliment someone, make it sincere. Look at the good in people and point that out.
“If you teach a man anything, he will never learn.” ~Bernard Shaw
Learning is an active process. We learn by doing. So, if you desire to master the principles you are
reading, do something about them. Apply these ways at every opportunity. If you don’t you will forget them quickly. Only knowledge that is used sticks in your mind.
As a Girl Guide I was taught to leave a campsite better than before I got there. I think the same principle applies to people.
Leave every person better for having met you. When you give love selflessly, you WILL get it back ten fold…and that is the Law of the Universe. Believe it! Embrace it! Live it!
Have you got any tips and thoughts of your own on this topic? In your life experience, how have you learned to make people like you? Share your tips, wisdom and experiences in the comments below. Lets learn from each other darlings!
p.s. I apologize for the long breaks between posting new articles this month. Its the Holy Month of Ramadhan and my nights and days are spent in quite prayer hence, being online or writing articles have been far from my mind lately. Eid is in a week from today, so will be back to my blogging schedule soon. Thank you for your patience and for your loving emails. All is well 🙂
With Immense Love & Gratitude,
~Zeenat~
Counseling Psychologist/ Spiritual Counselor
Motivational Speaker/Naturopath
Holistic Healer/Writer
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Lovely. It is a fact most of it is in our heads and then, from there it is easy to build up. Coincidentally I did have a large glass of coffee. And your post tasted very very good. Dale Carnegie is a master. It always amazes me how some books are such classics regardless of the generation reading it. Strengthens the faith that some truths can be discussed, but never be argued with.
Happy Independence Day, Zeenat. May this celebration of freedom be wonderful for you!
Love, Vidya
Dear Vidya,
Coffee and you already seem like the best combo ever 😉
I always love classics…its like every time I read these books, I take something new from it. Amazing!
Happiest Independence day to you too Vidya! Free we shall be 🙂
Much Love~
Hi Z!
I find a smile very powerful! I love to flash smiles at people whenever I am out and about. I don’t have the special ability to see their aura change, but I can see their face light up. Other than this, I don’t think that I’m especially talented in this department, but I do sense that being genuinely interested and curious about others helps pave the way to connection. Thanks for all these helpful tips. I tend to be shy around new people so these ideas really do help.
Dearest Sandra,
Genuineity shines through no matter what 🙂
I remember years back i read somewhere that if you can visualize people in funny outfits, they seem less daunting to approach 😉
And you SHY! No! I bet when you get comfortable there is not stoPping you 🙂
Thank you for your lovely comment here.
Much love~
Zeenat….This is a terrific post. Every thing you write about is ‘common sense”…which very few of us have. Listening, being curious, asking pointed questions, and feeding back what the other person has said to you in a positive style are the hallmarks of all quality relationships. As a human being and Interfaith Minister, I hone those skills in working with individuals I do spiritual coaching.
NOW….the one point you mention that I have tremendous difficulty with is remembering names. This is not age related. I have had it since I was in my 20s. I work at it through mnemonics, etc. At this point I laugh at it and when I meet a person who I’ve met before and don’t remember their name, I ask them again and explain my deficiency. It is never a problem….actually to the contrary.
As always, you offer up such great concrete strategies that your readers can put to use immediately. Thanks so much. xoo-Fran
Dear Fran,
It all depends on how comfortable you are with yourself too..its so amazing that your name forgetting habit is now a topic of fun rather than worry.
So glad you like this post.
Thank you for your lovely lovely comment here.
Much love~
Great post Zeenat. So many people are on transmit and not receive that when we come across someone who actually gives us their undivided attention…well it feels good. My Mum used to tell us to always leave people feeling better than when they met you. Sounds a lot like the tips you share.
Love Elle
xoxo
Hi Elle,
Seems like your mum was one awesome gal 🙂 I’m sure she’s super proud of you now…youre such a lovely soul to connect with, that i can safely say from oceans apart that I’m better for having known you.
Loving your comment here, thank you.
Much love~
Beautiful ideas Zeenat! These are all things I try to do every day. Especially as a teacher, with my students and their parents. I’ve actually never read Dale Carnegie. Maybe it’s time. Thanks for these great reminders.
Hi Betsy,
You’ll love Carnegie! His work is not only good, but also very do-able. No rocket science…just pure human nature 🙂
Oh I can imagine you being a great teacher. Those students are lucky to have such a mindful ‘zenfull’ teacher.
So glad you stopped by and shared your loving thoughts.
Much Love~
Good stuff Zeenat,
Thanks for sharing during your sacred days. I’m glad that you have time to nurture your spirit. The classics like Dale ( Zeenat, your readers, & kids too!) are always good. For me, that’s being present, listening, caring & trying to help. We all want to be acknowledged.
Being fully present is a good start like I blogged about this week.
blessings, Brad
HI Brad,
You’ve said it all in this line “We all want to be acknowledged.”
The minute we can put the other persons interests and wants on top of our priority list, a lasting connection is struck.
I have got to come over and have a read of your latest post 🙂 Being present it is 🙂
Thank you for your awesome comment here.
Much Love~
6 Fine points that you have raised here Zeenat. Listening with Intent is a major key for me. When you do this you are much more inclined & able to understand the other. I love to Smile.
Thankyou
be good to yourself
David
Hi David,
I love that smile on your profile pic…and I can truly visualize and feel how you do love to smile. I love to see your smile here, lighting up my blog. Thank you for being you.
So glad you liked the points I shared here….Listening tops that list for sure.
Thank you for your lovely comment here. Made me smile oh so wide 🙂
Much love~
Just had a lovely time reading your post dearest Zeenat! I cannot agree with you more on the point that when you give something selflessly and not with the intention of getting back, you really receive 10 fold. This truly is universal.
Even I make it a point to be genuinely interested in what people have to say and try to be a good listener and in doing so, I have often noticed, people really appreciate you for your humbleness. Some years back ( when I was studying), I used to stay with my maternal aunt who runs a PG. Except for a daughter (who stays away from home due to her job), she is all alone, all the other girls in the PG were very professional and had nothing to do with aunt’s affairs but I often used to take some time out to sit and chat with her and patiently listen to her and believe me, she used to be real happy for that and whenever she had something to be said, I was always the first person to be given the news and I loved the fact that at least I could make a lonely person happy.
And yes, a big smile always works, whenever, wherever.
loads of love,
Priyanka
Sweet Priyanka,
Your comments always leave me feeling so good and smiley. Thank you for that! I am amazed at how loving you already are. Your story about you paying attention, when noone else would is just one beautiful example of your exemplary heart.
Smile and love and be as you are dear one…cause youre amazing!
Much Love~
Hi Zeenat! This is a great reminder from a wonderful book. Isn’t it amazing that he wrote that book so long ago and it is still as relevant today? I was surprised when my son, in his early twenties, latched on to it and embraced so completely the concepts!
I think the simplest way to “make” people like you is to just like them. It’s hard not to like someone who genuinely likes you!
Lori
HI Lori,
So Lovely seeing you here!
Youre right…his work however old, is truly timeless. I can just feel what a proud mum you are…that son of yours must be a mighty fine lad 🙂
Like attracts like…and truly its just that simple …Youre so right.
Thank you for your amazing comment here. I appreciate you sharing your beautiful thoughts here.
Much Love~
There is something that I think is important too, and that is you have to be at ease with yourself. You don’t have to love yourself, or even like yourself, but by accepting who you are will allow others to accept you also.
Hi Jamie,
Thats an excellent point! When we are at ease with who we are….the people who interact with us also feel at ease around us. Acceptance is key 🙂
Thank you for your awesome comment here. And Welcome to PP! I apologize for the delay in responding to your comment….its been such a busy week.
Much Love~
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When I saw your title, the first thing I thought of was listening. And there it was in the list. So important. I went through 60 hours of training to be a Stephen Minister. Most of that was about listening. And smiling. Great advice. http://10stepstofindingyourhappyplace.blogspot.com/
HI Galen,
Listening is such a beautiful habit if we can truly nurture it. I know I had the habit of jumping in between a conversation when I get excited…without listening to the opposite person completely. Its taken a long time to hone that habit positively…to becoming a listener.
So glad you liked this post and thank you for your lovely comment here. I’m sorry for the delay in responding to your comment…the week was super busy.
Much love~
Hi Zeenat,
This was a lovely post! I have to confess that ‘How To Win Friends and Influence People’ by Dale Carnegie is probably the best self-help book I’ve ever read. The advice in there and which you have highlighted in your post is so effective yet so simple. In fact, the techniques are so simple; one has to try them to believe it!
Smiling at people, calling people by their first names, listening properly and making others feel important are all skills I love to use and continue to practice to become better at them. Doing so can do wonders for improving one’s communication skills.
HI Hiten,
So youre a fellow Dale Carnegie fan too !!! Yay!
And youre so right…these are simple tips…do-able tips…yet somehow as humans we love to complicate..hence we forget the basics like smiling and listening…
Thank you for your lovely comment here Hiten. I was really tied up the whole week…hence the delay in replying to your comment…apologies for that.
Much Love~
~~~~~Beautifully True.
All of my “TRUE friends” have these qualities.
1) Be Genuinely Interested In Other People ( if one does this, all will follow ) !! ❤
great post.
Hi Kim! Lovely seeing you here 🙂 Thats such a sweet comment! And its so true…our truest of true friends are the ones who stick around..no matter what. Listening I feel is the most imperative quality in any relationship.
Thank you for stopping by and welcome to PP! Hope to see more of your beautiful self here 🙂
Much Love~
It takes one more thing, but only one: I sometimes find that while it is perfectly possible to make people believe that I am a person that it would be very easy to like, it dosn’t make them like me. Only realize that I am someone, that they could one day decide to like. What might be missing?
What whas proven to work, is to get them to do “a little something” for me, a small task of some sort. Even if it only doing something on a web site. Then, energy being invested, it’s as if a decision of some sort has been taken, and the natural consequence of having done a litte something is that “well, it must be because I like this guy” and the rest follows.
The other things in post is indeed necessary, but maybe they don’t “close the deal”.
That’s why I would like you a lot more if, for instance, I wrote a small post for you that proved useful for your purpose or whatever channel one could find for a exchange. Then we have a connection, I have invested and thus I am compelled to like a person or a cause.
I realized this when I had grandchildren, they were so much more happy when I gave them a small opportunity “to make a difference” in their perception. It only takes some forethought and a little creativity, and it works wonders. When thinking back, we’ve all seen it.
Do you find my little theory have some merit?
If so, please find a little something for me to do. I promise to find something for you, too.
Erik
Zeenat, great tips!
There’s no rocket science here – but most people will not apply these principles:-(.
I would also add the importance of proper eye contact. No averting eye contact and nor constant stare!.
People just know when you are being sincere and genuine – and proper eye contact gose a long way to either give you away or affirm your interest.
Keep up the good work, Zeenat – it feels good to be back here again.
Thanks again:-)
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