3 Healing Steps-How Watering and Nurturing the Positive Seeds of your relationships can make them Glow

“When you selectively water and nurture your Positive seeds, your relationships glow with sunshine and rainbows.” ~ Z

A deep transformation can shake you out of a complacent existence and change you forever. I went through something like that a few years back. It would be impossible for me to capture the entire enriching experience, but here are a few gems that you could use to recharge your relationships.

Negative and Positive Seeds

In each one of us there are negative and positive seeds.
The negative seeds are of anger, hate, discrimination, jealousy.
The positive seeds are of joy, compassion, understanding and loving kindness.

The seeds that are watered regularly take roots and thrive.

For example, if a person spends a lot of time touching her seeds of anger, her life could be about how difficult her children are, or how miserable her scheming colleagues make her. Her seeds of anger will be strong enough to dictate what she thinks, how she relates to others, or how she works.

On the other hand, a person in touch with her seeds of joy will cultivate a rich harvest of nurturing relationships and deep, loving bonds. We, in turn, are constantly watering the seeds of people around us, with every look, word, expression and touch of ours. As parents, we tend to strengthen the positive or negative seeds of our children, quite unconsciously.

As a counselor&healer, I see a lot of children whose negative seeds have been watered for years by their families, teachers and society. They end up angry, depressed, anxious, relieving their suffering by hurting their bodies, becoming violent and taking undue risks.

How Watering and Nurturing the Positive Seeds of your relationships can make them Glow

Mindfulness comes in handy here. It means being aware and awake to the present moment, being mindful of our own positive and negative seeds, and being mindful of what makes us water the negative seeds of people around us. I believe that as families and communities we should sign a peace treaty, where each member commits to watering the positive seeds of the others. For your part, try this exercise at home with your partner, daughter, son, or a friend. It is best done when both of you are at peace, open and ready to listen deeply. Each person goes through all the three steps at one go.

3 Healing Steps:

Step 1 – 
Watering the Flower: Express what you appreciate and admire about the other person. Make him/her aware of how much you value them. Shine light on their strengths and the amazing qualities they have. By doing so, we are watering and nurturing their positive seeds, which in turn nurture our relationship with them.

Step 2
Genuine Apologizing: Share genuinely how you regret hurting him/her due to a certain lack of skillfulness in thoughts, speech and action. Make them aware that you are committed to bringing about changes that would enhance the relationship. This step helps to build trust and love between the two individuals.

Step 3
Lovingly Expressing a hurt: Finally, with immense gentleness and loving kindness, talk about how the other person might have hurt you. Be careful that it does not become confrontational, or a blame game. Avoid vague, generalised statements. The focus is not on settling scores but on building deeper bonds. It is important to note that when one person is speaking, the other person must listen deeply. End this sharing with a warm and ‘loving hug’ to conclude this deeply emotional experience.

Living with compassion, mindfulness and joy in all our relationships can truly add the much needed glow to them. How then can Happiness not prevail 🙂 Isn’t this exactly what each of us is looking for?

A while back I wrote a 4 part series on Happy Relationships. Here are the 4 links to that series. Hope they help you add further GLOW to all your relationships.

What are YOUR thoughts on these 3 healing steps? Do you have any healing steps to add, that you have successfully tried? Please do share your thoughts in the comments below. I would really like to learn from your wisdom.

With Immense Love & Gratitude,
Counseling Psychologist/ Spiritual Counselor
Motivational Speaker/Naturopath
Holistic Healer/Writer

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12 thoughts on “3 Healing Steps-How Watering and Nurturing the Positive Seeds of your relationships can make them Glow

  1. Sweet! I live by these Zeenat – and enjoy the fruits. I cherish them. Love resolves so many situations! Yet some people refuse to be touched and that breaks my heart.

    Love you for posting this.

  2. Hi Zeenat,
    This is great advice for creating a loving bond between people who communicate this way. Your suggestions remind me of a friend who practices compassionate communication.

    We must be in synch. I just posted a blog about anchoring dreams and planting seeds!

    To planting and watering more loving seeds!

  3. I love this post Zeenat! Maybe my favorite of anything you’ve written. I try every day to water my positive seeds but in the past I found myself doing just the opposite without even realizing it. I’m working on something about mindfulness and I love your tips/reminders. Thank you so much!!

  4. synchronicitybridge

    Sound footing your 3 steps give for providing and keeping lasting loving relationships Zeenat.

    Regards to number 3…yes…do not become confrontational. Stick to problem rationally and DO NOT dig up old greviences from the past that are unrelated.

    My former wife and I actually communicate better now…word to the wise…bust your ass to communicate correctly now…not 10 years later after a divorce.

    I left this quote at another site today:

    Love is the passionate and abiding desire on the part of two or more people to produce together conditions under which each can be and spontaneously express, his real self; to produce together an intellectual soil and an emotional climate in which each can flourish, far superior to what either could achieve alone.

    ~Author unknown

    A whole lot of love can grow out of this garden.


    3 Steps…




  5. Priyanka

    Oh dear Zeenat, you simply cannot imagine how much I needed it at this point of time…tell me, are you supposed to be a mind reader as well? No doubt you are a psychologist!
    I think positivity is all everybody seeks but sometimes knowingly or unknowingly the negative seeds tend to grow faster. At least it happens with me, sometimes I just don’t seem to be able to help it, you know that’s why I follow positive provocations….only to have positivity within me and nothing else. I try hard to overcome the negative seeds inside me but sometimes anger, jealousy (as you mentioned) takes a toll on me and I seem to loose control.
    I can very well relate to your first and second point and I genuinely apologize whenever I feel I have hurt him but I just cannot find myself doing the third one you mentioned in your list. Whenever he says something hurtful, I simply cannot resist confrontation as I feel very hurt distressed and discarded and it often ends up in a blame game. At last what happens is I cry (you know my tear glands happen to be super-active) and thereafter follows a whole lot of emotional saga.
    I think I can add one more point if you don’t mind….”Patiently listening to each others problems or difficulties from time to time”….don’t know about others but it works for me, it shows you care.
    But seriously, I am working on my difficulties and hopefully will achieve results with your help. Your points seem to have a relaxing and soothing effect.
    A bagful of love to you lovely Zeenat. YOU REALLY MADE MY DAY!

  6. Zeenat,

    I love this idea of watering positive seeds by consistently expressing appreciation and admiration and these other positive actions! Negative seeds will sprout sometimes. I feel it’s important not to suppress them, but to let them arise and pass by like clouds in the sky. This changes the pattern too!

  7. thank you everyone for your loving and awesome comments here! I have read them all. Hugs!
    I apologize for not being able to respond to each one individually…as I’ve been super busy offline with seminars and meets. I haven’t had the time to be online much.
    The next post will see me back in action responding to all comments 🙂
    Hope you understand.
    Much Love ~

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