“You cannot always control what goes on outside. But you can always control what goes on inside.” – Wayne Dyer
Have you ever felt like you want more out of your life? Ever felt like you have no control of whats happening around you? Then this is the article that will help you gain positive perspective.
If you want more in your life…thats ok and that’s a great place to start. It doesn’t matter if you are dissatisfied with your personal life, the career path you have taken, or something not as easily defined. When you make the decision to move forward in a different, more positive direction, it’s the first step that needs to be taken. The second step is to take control. If you are truly set on experiencing positive change, you must take control of the factors you can.
Positive Control- What CAN you really control?
In our day to day lives there are many many things we have no control over….like there is no way to predict how much traffic will be on the way to work or whether a friend will say or do something that will hurt us deeply. We can’t singlehandedly make the economy turn around and we can’t make gas prices change, no matter how much we complain. These are the things we have to deal with but can’t change on our own.
So what can YOU control????
YOU are able to control is how YOU deal with things that happen in your everyday life. We’ve all had one of “those days” when it seems that the entire world is against you. You know what I’m talking about: a day that starts with losing your phone only to find it in the desk drawer. This causes you to be late getting to work, followed by a call from the school telling you that your child is suffering from food poisoning…right when there is a super important meeting at work you need to be at. Top it all off with breakfast that burned while you were looking for your phone, the kids whining until you feel like screaming, and a phone call from your mother-in-law telling you she’s leaving her husband and coming to stay with you until she gets on her feet. Yikes!
Your first reaction might be to step outside to scream at the top of your lungs…but you hold it…take a few deep breaths. You draw a nice, hot bubble bath, sip on an entire mug of iced tea, and sit in your lukewarm bath to de-stress. Some days this really is the only way that you are able to take care of yourself! But what would happen if you took control instead?
What if you could view life as happening FOR you instead of TO you?
Lets Do Something About It – take control
“Taking control” means taking action; it’s not possible to take control of anything unless you are DOING instead of just TAKING.
In the bad day example above, a confident, well-grounded woman might thank her lucky stars for the opportunity to change. She might be reminded that one of her goals is to lose weight and chasing grumpy kids around the house gives her the ability to do that. Instead of looking at the food poisoning epidemic with disdain, view it as time away from work where she’s able to get to know her children better. While enjoying a staycation with the kids, she could meet someone at the doctor’s office who will help her start her own business(if thats what she wants). And having her mother-in-law move in for a while? Perhaps this will provide her with a built-in babysitter so she can take a college class a couple nights a week, or maybe, she can find a way to say “no” or at least put boundaries around the situation while still being the supportive daughter-in-law she wants to be.
By taking control of your responses to the situation, you are able to adjust your perspective, alleviate stress, and enable your creativity to kick in. With creativity, you can make your own destiny. It is up to you to decide how you are going to act – and react – to every situation. Sometimes you need a nudge in the right direction before you truly bring about a positive and lasting change in your life. And sometimes, that bubble bath – or listening to the kids scream in the highest register possible – is a great way to unwind, and find the space within to be in perspective about all that’s happened.
Now you might think “that my problems are far bigger than all she talks about in this article. How am I to take control of a problematic life full of hurdles?”
There is a positive way to look at your problems too. Think of every problem you have as a balloon you are holding on to. Naturally in due course of time, the balloons will either automatically burst or fly away one by one….leaving you with fewer and fewer balloons. Life, has a way of making problems naturally run its course. What seemed like ‘hell’ a few years back, now seems like ‘wow I went through that and survived’. What seems like todays ‘hell’ WILL be tomorrows ‘victory’.
Always remember, you may not be able to choose what happens in your life, but you are able to see what is happening FOR you or TO you. This simple positive shift in perspective can help you regain control of your life.
What are YOUR thoughts on this topic? What areas of your life do you feel are most out of control? Share your thoughts in the comments below. Let me help you take back Positive control of your life.
With Immense Love & Gratitude,
Counseling Psychologist/ Spiritual Counselor
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23 thoughts on “Positive Control – What CAN you really control?”
Hi Zeenat, I believe it comes down to choice in how we respond to life. Choosing to consciously respond versus react to the situation or taking control as you wrote! Thanks.
Reaction is usually unconscious and not conscious…hence as you said when we choose to live consciously we gain positive control of our life.
You believe right 🙂
Thank you for your awesome comment here.
Hi Zeenat. My life is a mess right now. I want to split with my boyfriend but he refuses to face it and as we are both on the mortgage everything has to be by mutual agreement or end up in court which will be expensive! I’ve spent 10 years with little to no love from him and my self-confidence is rock bottom.
To add to that I have a chronic illness which meansi don’t get out much.
And further to add to that I am in love with a guy who I see about twice a year. He knows nothing of my love for him and has a long-term girlfriend and young child. But I love him really deeply and don’t know what to do about it. When I do see him he is lovely to me and treats me with respect and care and always makes me smile and laugh and always takes time to listen and make me feel good about myself. Unfortunately, the rest of the time I rarely get any contact from him even though I do try contacting him every so often. As I say, he knows nothing of my feelings and to him we are just friends/aquaintences who have a hobby in common.
Thank you for sharing your story here with me. I would love to help you heal from this situation you are in. Why dont you email me(firstname.lastname@example.org) and we can talk more.
I do understand that at times life can throw boat loads of crap towards us, but my dear, this too shall pass.
Sending you lots of love~
Lovely post! Like you mentioned, I am currently in a position in my life where I’m dissatisfied with everything – my weight, my (lack of a) job, my relationship, financial status etc. But your idea of taking control and making today’s hell look like tomorrow’s victory is really inspiring. Thank you for your post!
So glad this post is serving as a source of inspiration to you. I know while we are in the eye of the storm it all seems bleak, but I promise it gets better. We just need to hang in there.
Thank you for sharing yourself with me here. I appreciate it.
I’ll pray for you and send you healing vibes 🙂
This is a fantastic way to look at things. I love the way that just changing your perspective makes a mountain look like a mole hill. Great article.
SO lovely to see you here 🙂
Mantha I do believe we are slaves to our perceptions…and once we can tackle them to be more positive all else falls into place.
So happy you liked this article.
Thank you for your love and your comment here.
Reblogged this on Bipolar Lessons and commented:
This is a nice article about looking at things differently. I am not sure that it will always work but it is worth a try!
How kind of you to re-blog this post to your network. I am certain that it will benefit many to change their line of thought to the positive.
Thank you for your lovely comment here.
Zeenat- Your post reminded me of my friends who found their new car smashed and broken into. Rather than turning it into a calamity, their response was ‘we’re grateful that we weren’t hurt.’ Now that’s what I call being in charge of your emotions. Much love-
I agree these friends you talk about do have it all figured out. In times of distress if we can all think of the silver lining…I think we would be a saner world 🙂
Thank you for sharing here.
It’s so true Zeenat, just a minor shift in perspective and suddenly you can see a whole new world in front of you.
we often think that changing our lives is difficult…but in reality, when we can control our thoughts it becomes easy to live a positive life.
So glad you loved this post..and thank you for your comment here.
Wonderful post and very true, our thoughts shape us and we have control over them. WE are the ulimate control and shape our lives. If we are not happy we need to change . Easy really! 🙂
You said it girl…”WE are the ultimate control and shape our lives…”
The reason for this post was, that there are so many who blame their lack of happiness on others…rather than changing their own perception about things.
I’m so glad you you stopped by to share your thoughts here. Thank you!
I love this. It’s important to differentiate between being the controller and dealing with the things that life presents you. I used to think I needed to be the one controlling everything, until I realized that a) I couldn’t, and b) this actually made me go into “victim mode” more often than I liked. However if you make a commitment to respond to anything that happens with a positive attitude, everything changes and gets easier.
Its so true that the simple differentiation of ‘being the controller” or ‘dealing with life’ makes a HUGE difference. When we want to control we are often left unhappy, cause the realization although apparent, that we cant control everything hits us….we still continue chasing after it. But when we let go and deal with things with a positive mind frame….unhappiness dissolves into contentment.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts here. Loved them!
You listed here a lot of good points about taking control over our actions. And I really like your approach about how our life can be more rewarding when it is happening FOR us… not to us. And like you said, there are a lot of positive outcomes related to this.
Really great post!
Thanks for sharing this inspiring article.
Nice to see you here 🙂 Welcome!
When life is happening FOR us the possibilities are endless..right 🙂
I’m happy you liked this post and happier that you stopped by and took some time to share your thoughts here.
Hope to see you more often 🙂
It’s so true, we have little control of what happens to us sometimes, but complete control of how we react. I think in order for people to truly use this wisdom though, it is necessary to break old brain patterns and establish new ones to cause change. Without the ability to focus and break old habits, people tend to fall back into the same ruts over and over again. Meditation is a key exercise I stress to instill lasting changes, along with other brain pattern rewiring techniques. I use this kind of system in my blog. Well written article, this principle truly is the most important principle to creating personal development.
Dave (personal growth project)
How lovely to read your thoughts here and what you and your blog stand for. Thank you for sharing your wisdom here. I do agree that breaking old patterns is essential to gaining newer more positive habits. Meditations and prayer are my personal favorite ways too. But that is a post for another day 🙂
I will definitely be checking you out over at your blog.
Gratitude for stopping by and sharing your thoughts here.
Hope to see a lot more of you here.
I loved this article and I agree with what you said about choosing to see the positive in situations. Doing so just makes life so much more easier and enjoyable.
I just wanted to add a couple of things I’ve been applying recently, which your post reminded me of. One things I’ve been doing is to apply the principle that everything which is happening in my life (good or bad) is exactly what I’m supposed to be experiencing. The other is applying the quote by Eckhart Tolle, which goes something along the lines of accepting every moment (whether it is good or bad) as if I had chosen it.
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