“If we really want to love we must learn how to forgive.” ~ Mother Teresa
Forgiveness means that we choose to Love. Love MORE than we choose to hate or hurt.
Among all the ways of counseling I offer, I also offer family therapy to families to heal from issues that are eating away at their core happiness. In one such recent session, there was SO much negativity coming out of every member of the family, which was making the whole atmosphere very very tense. The key was ofcourse a past event that had triggered and hurt many of the members of the family. After gently proposing “forgiveness with love” of self and all those involved…and applying it, I could see the whole family calm down. But, forgiveness is a hard pill to swallow.
I often get asked, “But how can I forgive, when it hurts so much?”
At some point in time, most of us have been in this position. We recognize some pattern or behavior in ourselves or others, that we would like to change, but often feel powerless to do so. Everything we try seems to lead nowhere.
Have you been in this situation?
As we begin to understand by probing deeper into the source of this behavior, we can often link the behavior to some past event or experience in our lives. In some cases, it is the result of a single traumatic event, whether that be a betrayal, an injury, an attack or a perceived injustice. In others, it is the result of mental, emotional or physical abuse that has occurred over an extended period of time. However, understanding the source of the behavior is not always enough to change it. If we are unable to release our anger, pain and fear, all of the baggage that we carry as a result of this past experience, we will remain stuck, and continue to allow these past experiences to shape our future in ways that aren’t always healthy and often create more pain and suffering in our lives.
So what is forgiveness & why is it so hard to forgive and move on?
For many of us, it is a misconception of what forgiveness really means. A common message in our culture is that you should just “forgive and forget”, implying that to forgive means to forget about it, like it never happened. I personally struggled with this concept for many years. To me, to forget how I had been betrayed, abused or injured by someone or something in the past, didn’t exactly seem like a wise idea. To forget that it ever happened, would mean that I hadn’t learned anything, that I was likely to repeat the experience again.
Fortunately, I did learn that true forgiveness was something quite different than what I had been led to believe by the messages I had received from the world I lived in. You do not have to forgive and forget. Its okay to remember what happened. But you dont want to go around carrying the heavy burden of being angry, bitter and resentful for the rest of your life either. For example once you learn that if you touch a hot stove you can get burned, you are not likely to do it again. You learn something from the experience, to exercise more caution while working around a hot stove. And, you don’t blame the stove for being hot. It is what it is. And, you don’t go around for years holding onto a grudge against the stove because you got burned. Well, you can, but its not very productive is it?? Its the same thing with people. Learn from our experience and move on.
What does it mean to truly forgive someone?
To forgive someone does not mean that whatever harm or hurt that they caused you was not inappropriate. It means that you will no longer allow the past to have a hold on your life today; that you are willing to release the hurt and the pain; that you no longer wish to be tied to the experience or the person connected to the experience in a negative way; that you are releasing both yourself and the person you need to forgive from a tie that holds you both back; that you wish to be free. When I finally understood this, I was able to begin the process of forgiveness. On a side note, forgiveness does not always equal, “Welcome back into my life”, to the person who has betrayed, harmed or abused you. Sometimes it can, and that can be a good thing. However, there are times when it is neither wise nor prudent to do so. But you can still free yourself from the burden of pain, anger, fear, hate, bitterness and resentment either way.
Forgiveness is about release, releasing ourselves from those self-imposed limitations and self-defeating behavior patterns that tie us to the past in negative ways. Forgiveness is releasing our anger, fear, pain and resentment and opening our hearts to joy, peace and love. Yes, others may have done things that have hurt or harmed us, and they are responsible for those actions. But these individuals are not responsible for how we live the rest of our lives. We are responsible for that. How we respond to these past events and what we carry into our present and our future is entirely up to us and no one else. If we allow the past to negatively affect how we live the rest of our lives, the choices we make, our relationships and our behavior patterns, that is our choice and responsibility not that of the original offender.
Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself – the gift of freedom.
4 Positive Healing Affirmation you can use to Forgive & Release:
I urge you to start saying these Healing affirmations. This will work as a softener for your heart, so that forgiveness becomes easier for you to practice and heal from.
1} I forgive all souls and embrace them with love and compassion.
2} I forgive myself and release my past to its highest spiritual path.
3} I now liberate my past from my mind, I AM Free!
4} I set my past free and forgive myself for my participation.
Choose any or all of the above affirmations to work with. Remember to write or say these affirmations at least 10X daily for 40 days. It takes 40 days to impress upon the unconscious “reacting” mind all that you desire and dream. Then it becomes automatic behavior in the conscious “acting” mind. Affirmations are the same as doing any type of repetitive exercise to change or learn a new behavior.
Now its YOUR turn: What does letting go mean to you? Has forgiveness healed you in the path of letting go?
Thank you SO much for your presence here! If this article touched your heart, please share it on your favorite social networks. Every share, like or tweet makes me reach more people who need a positive healing nudge in their lives. I appreciate you! And, If you’re new, please subscribe for free updates by email. Love always, ~Zeenat~
For Online Counseling with me please CLICK HERE!
13 thoughts on “How Forgiveness Is Imperative To Deep Emotional Healing + 4 Healing Forgiveness Affirmations”
“Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself – the gift of freedom.” That is perfection, right there. Forgiveness is so important, not necessarily for the other, but for the self. Your affirmations are such powerful pathways to peace and liberation in one’s own heart, which is precisely where
peace and liberation in the world begins. Much love!
Release who you were and be who you truly are. Freedom
Forgiveness is key in loving ourselves and others…it’s also key in shifting our consciousness to that of love not fear. In completing my CE hours to renew my psychology license, I took an on-line course on the healing power of forgiveness and there is so much new research to support it’s effectiveness in healing emotional pain. Thank you Zeenat for sharing your wonderful wisdom and love with us. xo
For many years I worked as a therapist in the field of addictions. We talked a lot about replaying old wounds and referred to that as resentment — feeling something over and over again. Letting go is definitely the best medicine. Thanks!
My favorite Louise Hay affirmation for forgiveness: “Forgiveness is a gift I give to myself. I forgive, and I set myself free.”
Thank you for these beautiful affirmations. It is so true – forgiveness heals. And it is most important to forgive yourself first. ❤
What a wonderfully thorough look at forgiveness! And you summed up how I tend to look at undesired events perfectly: It’s not about what happened, it’s about what you’re going to do about it. Holding in negative emotions doesn’t help anyone.
Love the quote from Mother Teresa. This is so important Forgiveness is the best healer for self and others – love the affirmations hugs xxoo
fantastic, you are the really great lover of all of us. Thanks for nice post. Join me to read some posts.
How beautiful Zeenat. Your affirmations are just lovely and I totally agree that without forgiveness we hold ourselves prisoner.
These affirmations are amazing, Zeenat. I can be so difficult to forgive, but it truly is the one thing that sets us free. So thank you for acknowledging the difficult and showing us the way to move forward, heal and let go.
Forgiveness directly affects on mind that’s why I think Its a great deed for health because if our minds feel relax than our body will be fit and active every time. So it is an emotional healing method for being healthy..
just came across your site a few months ago , since then this has became my favourite! whenever i feel low.. i come here and return with reasons to smile !
Comments are closed.